Ryan's Rants, Jokes, and Everything the Hell Else.

2005-09-14T14:29:00.000-07:00

Please send all questions and comments on this blog post to my e-mail address from hotmail: Shmee51@hotmail.com.

Alright, I know I've been slow, but as this site is linked from my Facebook profile, I feel the need to regress and do some quasi-philisophical webpost about a topic that I've had fuckall experience with. (That means none for your English-illiterates). Okay... that's a lie... but any of you who've met, heard of, or had premonitions of the women I've had the experience of being with for whatever period of time know that I wish my experience had been zero'ed out.

Although in all honesty, bad experiences are almost better than good ones. Why? Because good experiences do little to educate you. Yes, you had fun. Yes, you had awesome sex. Yes, you smile when you think about [insert girl's name here]. But what did you learn? Jack shit. Compare that to dating the complete bitch who screwed you over by fucking a friend of yours and stealing your CD player. What did you learn from that? To hide your goddamn CD player from your potential girlfriend.

But anyways, friends of mine, old and new, seem to feel lost if they don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend. They feel like they're left out of some awesome party or whatnot, and with the little experience I've had and the vast amount of knowledge that I've somehow managed to soak up throughout my years of experiencing life (as opposed to having it thrust upon you as oh-so-many high schoolers had), I feel like I can impart some wisdom on all zero of you still reading this blog.

THE BEST FACT YOU'LL EVER HEAR (as long as you don't count anything outside of this blog post):

Only about 10% of college students are seriously dating.

You see, the awesomeness of this fact comes from another very simple fact: having a girlfriend or boyfriend does not mean you're in a serious relationship. No, I'm not defining "serious relationship" as one headed toward marriage, but simply one with some mutant form of commitment and at least a dallop of something more than lust.

On top of that, about 40% of the people I know have no boy/girlfriends at all. So, lets take a minute to elaborate on the 60% who consider themselves to be in a relationship.

As I said, about 10% are in a serious relationship. Mad props for being lucky enough to get it right so quickly. Unless you're a senior, then nobody gives a shit.

I know a few people who consider themselves to be in a semi-serious relationship. Two of them were drunk and making out with a random guy whom only one had ever talked to before that day at a frat party. Girls AND guys act like this all the time. They're afraid to say that they're single so they associate themselves with a guy/girl whenever it's convenient and forget about him/her whenever that is invenient. This is about 20% of the people I know.

A friend of mine who says she has a serious boyfriend back in her home town masturbates on a regular basis while thinking about some feminine looking male movie star (Elijah Wood, the dude who played Legolas, people like that) because she isn't sexually aroused by her boyfriend. On top of that, this guy she's dating is the only guy she's ever dated. I personally know that the first person you date is the biggest relationship clusterfuck you'll ever encounter, because neither of you knows what the fuck you're doing. First relationships are infatuous clinginess, not love. People (including me) often believe the first person they date is "the one", that they're in love, blah fucking blah a bunch of other stupid shit that comes from a lack of experience. This is the biggest relationship pitfall that I know of. Why? Because you think you're all perfect with the perfect guy when you're just fooling yourself with a mix of idealized bullshit and fear of being forced to find another guy to talk to. People like this account for another 20% of the total populace of people I know.

Last, but not least, comes my favorite group. Granted, this only applies to the remaining 10%, but it's the most comedic and elements of this flaw show up in almost every other group (and many people don't bullshit themselves and aren't in this group because they're aware it isn't a relationship). This group, I call the love-fuckers.

Why? Well, this is the result of random shacking up that turns out well. Guy A has good sex while drunk at a party with girl B (or guy/guy or my favorite, midget/donkey), so they go have more sex, possibly while sober. Eventually they just get to fucking tuesday and thursday afternoons 1-2PM while one of their roomates is in class, and when people ask them if they're in a relationship they stumble mentally and think "well, I am fucking this girl/guy on a consistent basis, so.... eh yeah".

Quick sidenote here, usually women are in this category and not part of the 40% of people who aren't in a relationship but have casual sex due to the strange desire for most women to want to be thought of as somebody's girlfriend. Guys are in the 40% due to fear of commitment or a desire to want to be left "free" (to fuck other random women). This is why it seems so many more women are in relationships than guys, despite the fact that in the states women have something like a 7% population heading on guys. So, these precious 10% who think they're in a relationship have no fucking clue what their fuckbuddy's middle name is, and they still consider themselves as "in a relationship". Why? Hell if I know, I'm not a sociologist.

So, now that we've blown the poor assumptions out of the water, and we know that only about 10% of college students (from my experiences) are in serious relationships, we have a bit of time for a "so fucking what" section:

1. If you like a girl who identifies herself as guy X's girlfriend, meet the guy. I've met more than one girl who had a complete ass for a "boyfriend", and oh how I laugh a week later when they're broken up because he tried to fucker her in a very uncomfortable place (unlike the back of a Volkswagon... okay... no more Mallrats jokes).

2. If somebody scoffs, laughs, thinks strangely, or does anything other than not giving a shit when they find that you aren't in a relationship, after punching them in the face, laugh back by realizing that many many MANY times no relationship is better than a bad one. At least for the time being, but that goes back to my learning vs. having fun argument mentioned earlier.

3. We all go through a cycle in relationships. Well... not in the relationship per se, but involving relationships. The cycle goes like this:

A: Fed up with being single -> get a new relationship. (many people get stuck here due to lack of interesting people or too high expectations)
B: New relationship is fun. (the good part)
C: New relationship gets old -> not so much fun anymore.
D: Not fun -> all that shit you thought was cute about your lover gets to be annoying as fuck.
E: You can't stand your girl and you haven't had sex / made out / felt up / made a midget porn movie with her for a while -> you break up.
F: Freeeeeeeeeeeedooommmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
G: Lonliness.
H: Guilt + Lonliness + Strong desire for sex -> back to step A.

People in good commited relationships have been lucky enough and worked hard enough to hover somewhere between B and C, and no, you can't go backward in the cycle.

4. So, you're single? There is, and I can't stress that enough, no problem with that. Yes, it feels good to have somebody to be close to, yes sex is fun with the right person, and yes, intimacy is a very blissful thing, but too much of a good thing is a bad thing, and here's the really important part: If you're not in a relationship, chances are that you haven't found somebody who you're comfortable with, and uncomfortable relationships take about 10 days to die out after no sex and no intimacy.

That, however, DOES NOT give you an excuse to sit back and wait for Ms. Right. No, a 5'10" blonde with green eyes and 32C titties holding two beers and wearing a schoolgirl outfit who loves football and sucking dick will not be single, and she won't be hanging around your ass if you don't seem actively interested.

If you feel like you want to start up a relationship, start meeting people. I LITERALLY have sat down with girls who I'd never met with and had lunch with them. As a matter of fact I do it 2 or 3 times a week, but I've been blessed with a sense of humor and an ungodly amount of confindence, which makes meeting people pretty easy for me. So, if you're shy, just be spontaneous. The first time you randomly sit down with somebody you'll stutter, mumble, mix your words, and look like a general dumbass. However, as soon as you get the fear out of meeting people, that will go away.

The best analogy I can make is like making yourself a salad. Washing your lettuce is a pretty simple process, but nobody likes to do it because it's kinda nasty and it's work that you don't really have to do, because you can just buy precut lettuce. But, if you don't wash your lettuce, you'll never make a good salad because it's all dirty and nasty, but as soon as you learn how to wash it (which really is the hardest part of making a salad, I mean... it's freakin lettuce and dressing), making salads becomes really really easy, and is way better if you can do it all yourself. The better you get making salads the more you can add to it, and the better you get.

As much as people don't like to think it, relationships are basically a trial and error process. You meet a person, they seem interesting (and cute) so you start hanging out with them and after a little while you start up a relationship. But oh no! They wear dirty skivvies and pick their nose around you and are completely incompatable with you while being intimate. Oh well, break it off with them, have your break from relationships, and start over again.

So, the next time you feel left out of some big relationship scheme, inferior to people who say they're in a relationship, or like you're required to be in a relationship at all times, think of this article and know that those thoughts are just fear and societal bullshit. If you don't want a relationship, you can't have a good one, and getting a relationship out of desperation lands you with a bitch or an asshole. There is one important thing though... the most over-romanticized bullshit advice you can get is "be yourself". It's true and it isn't. Don't be some completely fake person, because that just leads to no relationship or a horrid one. But don't be yourself in all your comfort and glory. Too much openness and honesty scares people... they need to get to know you and then slowly you let all these little factoids come loose. If the girl you're into finds out that you sometimes think of tomatoes while masturbating, that you fart every time you hear the word "Oprah", or that one time you shat your pants on purpose and she still likes you, then you know that you've got a keeper.

2005-07-20T03:59:00.000-07:00

Please send all questions and comments on this blog post to my e-mail address from hotmail: Shmee51@hotmail.com.

Well I was overly agitated earlier today by being a. screwed repeatedly playing poker, b. screwed repeatedly on CS, and c. resenting the fact that I'm not getting screwed repeatedly, and I thought something that I didn't realize just how genius it was until just now.

After getting incredibly pissed, and talking about how all skilless assholes should be killed, I said this sentence:

There are no good role models for genocide.

This falls into one of the things that I think we, as Americans, hide away in our minds. Similarly to becoming a prostitute, drug dealer, or a hit man, genocide is something that we like to talk about how bad it is when it's really a social necessity.

Why is it a social neccessity, you ask? The answer is simple... people can only be obediently ignorant for so long. By this I mean that with the natural increase in political corruption, people accept it in different stages, similarly to how people deal with a personal problem.

1. Denial : What? Jeb had nothing to do with the clusterfuck of ballots in the 2000 Floridian presidential election. No reason for a recount or an investigation, we'll just let Marsha Clark get her promotion after she [ab]uses the legal system to stop any possible chance to sort out the whole debacle.

2. Anger : This is bullshit. Nothing in this whole fucking political system isn't saturated with corruption and people are too fucking stupid to realize that a $400 tax break doesn't do shit when gas prices skyrocket, national median salaries decrease, and the economy slows down like running into a brick wall.

3. Bargaining : Okay... corruption and hipocrisy have and always will be parts of our government. If we could just tune it down a little then we'd be happy to inagurate the man whose national approval has dropped below 20%, yet magically won an election thanks to a mix of smear campaigns and religious bullying.

4. Depression : We're fucked.

5. Acceptance : Jeb Bush in 2008, Karl Rove in 2012, who gives a shit? Let Christian corporations take over the FCC and ban everything except the 700 club. At this point you're polishing the rails on a sinking ship. Time to move to Canada.

But seriously... people fail to realize that prostitutes, drug dealers, and whatever name you wish to replace for "murder" are all byproducts of our society's call for different needs. However we still bullshit ourselves and look down on these things (when we find it convenient).

In this light, genocide has simply been given a bad name. The main reason why is that we've attached a meaning that shouldn't be there... genocide is not the killing of a group of innocent people, but simply the killing of a group of people.

Technically our legal system supports genocide. Why? Well even in states that don't have (or enforce) a death penalty, killing is deemed "okay" if your life is being threatened. It is okay to kill people who are killing you. So we've already established an important concept: there are different levels of killing... and depending on the time and perspective, it can be ok to kill.

The term "Genocide" has been grouped with people like Adolf Hitler, Josef Stalin, Mao Tse Dong, Genghis Khan, Pol Pot, and other tyrants, yet we fail to realize the "good" genocides of our past. The complete obliteration of native Americans (for land), Spanish-Americans [a.k.a. Mexicans] (for land), Japanese (for land and security), Koreans (for pride), Vietnamese (for pride), Cubans (for pride), Iraq (twice, for oil security), Afghanistan (for revenge against the Saudis)... all have been acts of genocide that our country has committed, and we accept the bulk of them because they had some worthwhile gain.

A quick ommission, I wish to submit my theory of the "asshole effect". I don't truly think that 99% of people are naturally assholes. In truth, I believe the percentage to be more like 33%. However, people who act like dipshits tend to make other people act like dipshits, hence the "Asshole effect". On the road, some stupid fuck is going 40 in front of you in a 50 speed zone. You pass him going 55 and some dipshit passes you going 75 and gives you the finger. You pull in front of the guy who passed you and slow down. The guy behind him gets along side you and gives you the finger. You speed off and end up going 75 out of anger, passing people and being an asshole. This situation started with 1, perhaps two assholes... the guy fucking up traffic by going too slow, and possibly the guy who way over-reacts to passing said traffic fucker-upper. But the actions caused by one person being an asshole inspired asshole-ish behavior in theoretically dozens of people. You might say that it's a traffic thing and that people are more likely to be assholes in their car... which is and isn't true. People aren't any more or less likely to be assholes in their car, but they're much more likely to behave like assholes in their false sense of security. So, imagine what situations could be eliminated if the few problem citizens who are causing assholish behavior in others were gone.

Now you're all probably saying that it's all good, but genocide is still not an okay option to solve this problem. The ends don't justify the means. I disagree. Not that the means are insufficient, but that the ends are better than other reasons why we've stooped to the level of genocide. If you look back up at my very fast summary of our wars, we've fought mainly for pride and/or what equates to money. So I propose a question... what is worth more, pride and money, or quality of life? Our society goes apeshit when the term "quality of life" is introduced. With our crazy fascination with looking good, being super-athletic, and (sometimes) being smart, we have already admitted, as a culture, that quality of life is worth pride and money. Yes you'll shove your fat lazy ass into some machine and take pills that have who fucking knows what in them if the bottle tells you that you'll look better and get a bigger dick or bigger breasts for the weemens. Whether we value money and pride over quality of life is truly a moot point because the actual quality of life isn't what we're concerned with... it's the image that our life is better, which renders us slaves to anything that could, but probably won't, actually improve our quality of life.

So I'm proposing a much better reason for genocide than the vast majority of reasons why any culture has, and with much better hypothetical results (and a MUCH better chance to obtain them) than the other reasons why we've actually gone genocidal. The "value of life" is a fucking joke... so really, why not do this? We've shown time and time again that life is quite expendible, so why not do it for a truly good reason? We've committed genocidal acts for much worse gains and failed to achieve them, so why not try again for much better results?

Oh yeah, and bonus points to anybody who bags a cabinet member of any Bush presidency.

2005-07-11T01:09:00.000-07:00

Please send all questions and comments on this blog post to my e-mail address from hotmail: Shmee51@hotmail.com.

As promised before, I would do a post documenting my wine project. Unfortunately, I forgot to take pictures of me setting the whole thing up, so I gave up on the would-be all text post. BUT, the wine ended up a complete failure, tasting like shit that's been eaten by a shit monster, then shat out, eaten AGAIN by the shit monster (because that fat fucker can't take his fucking hands off my shit-wine) and shat out into a puddle of the piss demon's piss.

So, I decided to make another batch of alcohol, except this time I'd just make vodka (flavorless A) instead. I decided right away wasn't the best idea for time, so I laid in wait for a few months and now my plan to be lazy and not have to do much until I've had months of useless preparation has finally come into fruition. Muahahaha.

A note to everybody reading this (especially cops *hint*hint*) : Alcohol is bad, mmkay. This entire post is designed purely for research purposes. You may brew your alcohol, but you must then immediately boil it and throw the boiling water onto the nearest person who uses the word "funtastic".

Without further adeiu, Ryan's Quick A Recipe! (with fucking pictures!)

First, gather all the shit you need. That list is as follows:

ONE Clean, Empty Gallon Jug
FOUR Cups of Sugar
ONE Balloon
ONE Packet of Active Dry Yeast
ONE Bowl
ONE Funnel
ONE Cup Measurer
ONE STERILE Needle, Safety Pin, Samurai Sword, or Thumb Tack

In preparation, punch 7-10 holes in the balloon with your needle of sorts. In professional brewing, you don't want to let more air in, so it's filtered, but as we don't wish to spend $500+ for a fancy brewing container, we use a balloon to both not let in extra air and to let out the extra gases. If you just put the cap on it will eventually get blown off... the fermentation causes a shitload of pressure on the gallon jug.

Measure out 4 cups of sugar and put it into the cleaned gallon jug.

Now measure out 14 cups of warm water and add it to the sugar in the gallon jug.

Note: DO NOT use purified water. All water has excess minerals that yeast utilizes. While you CAN ferment alcohol in pure water, it's best to use tap water. Unless you live in Bangladesh. If that's the case... well, fucking move.

SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE!

The sugar must completely dissolve into the water. If it doesn't, say buh-bye to your fermentation project as it will fuck up and you will get shitty alcohol content.

A note on yeast: yeast is what makes alcohol possible. It is your friend. DO NOT MISTREAT YOUR FRIEND! Yeast won God's "Best Piss" prize just beating out Laura Bush's nacho cheese, and boy should we be thankful.
You can't just toss the packet of active dry yeast into the gallon jug and call it Kosher, you've gotta feed your little friends some water and sugar as a Mitzvah.

Active Dry yeast packets will have directions to prepare them, known as "dissolving".

If you're using Fleischshhaschschman's yeast like I am, you simply put the yeast into the bowl with 1/4 cup of luke warm water and a teaspoon of sugar. Stir it up and it should like like so. Then just let it sit...

And after about 10 minutes it should be completely dissolved, looking spongy and smelling of freshly baked bread. Pour the dissolved yeast into the gallon with the sugar and water and...

Shake yo boooooootay (and the mmmiiiiixxxture)!

Quickly put your hole-filled balloon over the mouth of the completely mixed gallon jug as so.

Find a semi-warm place where it will not be disturbed and put that fucker away. As the yeast eats up the sugar and pisses out the alcohol, it will eventually die from the toxicity and become dregs, also known as the nasty shit at the bottom of the jug. It must be possible for you to siphon out the yummy alcohol when the experiment is finished without moving the jug. If you move the jug, the dregs get stirred up into your A and it tastes like shit.

After a few hours your balloon should inflate... and from when you put the gallon into it's warm and stable place you should have been able to see these cool little bubbles coming up in the gallon jug. Those bubbles are Carbon Dioxide, and when there's Carbon Dioxide coming up you know there's some nice A getting pissed out, so smile and know that you're a distiller.

If you see no bubbles and your balloon didn't inflate within 6 hours, know that you are a failure at life and should go kill yourself now for being either too retarded to add sugar and water to a fucking gallon jug or too inept to put a packet of yeast into a little bit of sugar and water.

If at any time your balloon pops off, know that you're a failure at life for being unable to keep a balloon over the mouth of a jug. Kill yourself now after putting another balloon with holes over the mouth of the jug.

As long as you aren't a failure, you should by now be wondering "when the fuck do I get my alcohol?" Well, in 2-14 days your balloon will deflate. When this happens, consult my next post on how to get your A out without getting dregs. God damn do they smell nasty. Almost made me puke when I made the shit-wine.

Have Fun!

2005-07-03T21:04:00.000-07:00

Please send all questions and comments on this blog post to my e-mail address from hotmail: Shmee51@hotmail.com.

This rant was posted on Blizzard's WoW Suggestions forum here, and I liked it's hatred, so I'm reposting it here.

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This post, while chock full of hate and spite, is serious. I've spent roughly a week collecting my thoughts on this and this is the best way I can put it... the only way I can put it so that it will get through. Also, I realize that the company Blizzard Entertainment is a generalization, and when I refer to "Blizzard", I'm specifically speaking to the Blizzard World of Warcraft development team(s).

Why? Blizzard, Why? You made a great game, but you let the players ruin it. You made a situation on PvP servers where hypothetically ground could be contested and major cities could be raided, players could gain honor with their race and alliance, and where each class and race would be equals.

Yet what you implemented was a system where major cities were unraidable due to over-defense in the case of Ironforge and Stormwind, or immense lag for all the other cities. You created a HUGE imbalance in races and classes, and you not only created but you continue to support a system of pvp combat where level 60s kill level 40s and below and raid level 20 towns, either running away or calling in friends if any resistance shows up. You spent so much time creating depth and interesting stuff for the alliance that you had to speed through horde, and when somebody like myself plays both sides we feel insulted by the cheapness of the action yet you act like it's okay. You do nothing about reported griefers, despite the fact that if I were to compose a list of players who gank me over and over again, it would probably consist of about 5% of the people I see from that side. You've made a game so unbelievably unbalanced that almost 50% (45% exactly according do www.warcraftrealms.com) of all WoW players are either Human or Night Elf, and then you do nothing to protect underdog players who are outnumbered 2:1, 3:1 or more on their servers. You then created an end-game where players could play in Battlegrounds, fighting against the other side! When realistically, most servers that aren't high population don't even have Alterac Valley instances up . You've implemented quests that, for reasons unbeknownst to me, DO NOT have rewards for any player. How difficult could it be to make armor-reward quests have 1 cloth, 1 leather, 1 mail, and 1 plate reward? Or all non-armor reward quests have a selectable extra cash reward or trinket or SOMETHING. You made a game where talent-builds for most classes are pre-decided by power level; When was the last time you saw a non-shadow priest who wasn't level 55-60, a balance druid, a holy paladin, a survival hunter, etc. You've made areas completely barren and quests areas that force you to stick to the same 1% of the world for 20% of your WoW life. You've made armor sets that are nearly impossible to complete with full set bonuses that are nothing short of pathetic.

On top of that, you've done absolutely nothing to punish players who do despicable things. The most common argument I get tossed at me when I make these arguments lies along the lines of "you *** go play pve if you want that carebear ****." In war, people are punished if they unprovokedly kill unarmed people. People are stoned (as in bludgeoned with big rocks) for killing helpless children. Just because the system allows something does not make it ok, but you have shown to WoW players that there is no punishment for ruining gameplay for hundreds of other players, and so players go ahead and do it.

You see, there are many, many errors, from the mundane to the critical, and errors are not irreparable. Those mistakes are not unforgivable, and making those mistakes does not constitute the reason for this post. The only unforgivable mistake you've made is to do nothing about your previous mistakes. None of these problems are new. People have been trying to make you aware of them since last December. The reason why players are leaving in droves is not because the end-game was weak, or because the variety of good items is nonexistent, or because they don't want to make a character of another class. The reason is because your refusal to fix any of the above problems makes levels 10-55 horrendously suck, and players refuse to take multiple characters to level 60 because they don't want to have to put up with all the crap they would be forced to again. This is the reason why I'm leaving World of Warcraft, and this is the reason why players don't stay with this game.

Despite all I've said, you did make a great game. But you then made the one unforgivable mistake... you did nothing to fix problems that came up. You let 1% of the population of players ruin it for the other 99%, and it sickens all of us.

2005-05-12T23:16:00.000-07:00

Please send all questions and comments on this blog post to my e-mail address from hotmail: Shmee51@hotmail.com.

I haven't posted for fuckall, and this won't really count... just thought I should tell yall that I had the impulse to distill some wine, and I'm making it my bi-weekly project. More info soon.

2005-02-06T14:33:00.000-08:00

2005-01-10T18:34:00.000-08:00

Please send all questions and comments on this blog post to my e-mail address from hotmail: Shmee51@hotmail.com.

Well I suppose it was my time to jump on the bandwagon, so I decided to take some tests, namely the Dante's Inferno Which Level of Hell will you go to and the Personality Disorder test.

Fortunately I passed both... okay, bad joke. Well, I really didn't give a shit about the Dante's Inferno test, as its basis is 700 years outdated and its author was an oh-so-unbiased Catholic. Here are my personal results; keep in mind that I did answer all the questions honestly...

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Fifth Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Very High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Extreme
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very High
Level 7 (Violent)	Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	High

Take the Dante's Inferno Test

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Very High
Schizoid:	High
Schizotypal:	Very High
Antisocial:	High
Borderline:	Very High
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	Very High
Avoidant:	Moderate
Dependent:	Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

So, I can understand why I'd be rated "Wrathful and Gloomy", mainly because I hate about 98% of the human population due to their incredible lack of intellect, and I'd just as soon live in a world that only housed the 200,000 productive, intelligent, and free-thinking human beings. Okay, and about 40,000 really really hot chicks, but that's aside the point.

The point is, in my opinion, that generally people just do what they're told and leave the entire idea of "thought" out of their lives. This is one of the few true "sins" that I believe in, but unfortunately for you "hell and damnation awaits" folk, I also believe that mortal minds are bound to make mistakes and shouldn't spend an eternity in suffering as penance or punishment for an eventuality. To the surprise of many, I DO believe in some God figure(s), not necessarily using the Christian word on purpose just as an ideal. Spirituality is something innate in all free thinking humans as we do seek to explain our surroundings and even in this scientific world you can ask "Who made ________" until nobody has a real answer.

The biggest giveaway that any religion is controlling bullshit is their view of whatever happens if you don't abide by their suggestions. Christianity: You go to hell. So, if you don't abide by the 10 commandments, your soul is jailed in hell for eternal suffering. Well, why? What sense does that make? Why would an omniscient god cause suffering? As Buddha affirmed a long time ago, all pain and suffering is caused by ignorance, so how could an omniscient being, a being devoid of ignorance, cause suffering? It just makes no sense. Now I'd go on and bitch about spirituality and how formal religions are raping the spiritual progression of humanity, but I don't care enough. The true power of spirituality comes when you find the truth as you believe it and experience the noumenon, avoiding all outside influences.

As for the personality disorder test... well I know I got problems, so fuck off.

2004-12-22T14:49:00.000-08:00

Please send all questions and comments on this blog post to my e-mail address from hotmail: Shmee51@hotmail.com.

And this is why I love Blizzard Entertainment.

It's the reason I've chosen to buy and play World of Warcraft over Everquest 2... as soon as any stores within 100 miles get it the fuck in stock. What I mean is that, in playing Horizons and meeting ex-EQ players there and from knowing EQ players in real life, they all have some half-angry and overly serious attitude toward gaming. I get pissed when I have a really shitty day playing Counter-Strike or lose a HC character in D2 (woot woot!), but ultimately there is a concept that seems lost to people who tend toward Everquest... it's a fucking GAME!

Anyways, all the screens on the above link are real in-game screenshots that different players submitted with their captions (which is what makes them so funny). This was something I also loved about Horizons, but unfortunately some problems financially and a few poor decisions lead that game from the light. I love when games don't mind just making jokes and I especially love it when they have new quests and recipes for Gingerbread Men, Winter Ale, and Candy Canes.

2004-12-17T01:23:00.000-08:00

Please send all questions and comments on this blog post to my e-mail address from hotmail: Shmee51@hotmail.com.

Well, I don't know if I've ever said this, but I like Christmas. Definately not because it's a Christian ritual. Not so much because I give and receive gifts. Surprisingly, also not because of the amazing fuckaree that is Political Correctness with Kwanzaa, Chanukah, "Happy Holidays" and fuckall. Seriously, being PC is never mentioning Christmas but giving shout-outs to every other holiday within a 4 week timeframe of Christmas that isn't Christian.

No, the reason why I like Christmas is because of the people. In general, 75% of the people in the world are assholes, retards, or retarded assholes, but during the Christmas season, people seem to stride around like a freshly blown frat boy. Calm, peaceful, happy. During the Christmas season, that percentage drops so... seriously, like 70%. No, 69%, duh on me. But really, people seem happier and kinder in the few weeks prior and the few days after Christmas, and I enjoy it.

So, because I'm a strong believer in that the vast majority of people need to laugh once the fuck in a while, I'm comprising a few lists. Wait no, one list of completely non-homogenous entries. I'm too goddamn lazy to make multiple lists. Actually, fuck lists. Just go download Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics (or buy it if you have the money), and go rent/buy National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.

Now, I have a question to any practicing Christians reading this blog which I know don't exist because I know everyone who reads this blog:

What the fuck is with nativity scenes? I understand that it's the "virgin" Mary and the three wise men and Chuck Yeager and mini-Jesus and all the people who were there when Earth fought back against the Martians... but why would you want that on your lawn? I should get some red silly string and jello and splatter it all over the newborn baby Jesus and make a REAL nativity scene. Like, make Leonard the goat who is evidently in every fucking nativity scene on Earth up to look like he's eating Jesus placenta, and, Iuno, add another wise man named "John the Janitor" who has a wet vacuum and is cleaning up all the nastiness involved with the afterbirth. Maybe I could toss in an hour long tape of some woman screaming in pain and put it on repeat, too.

But why is the nativity scene the only thing that people decorate in this fashion? Snow men and lights are more of a holiday decoration, but Jewish people don't put out giant dreidles and Kwanzaatics don't put... eh... tigers on their... ahh nevermind. But if this is a Christian thing, why don't they do it for any other holidays? Why don't Christians put a big crucifix on their lawn on Good Friday and then toss out a big half-decomposed corpse onto their lawn on Easter morning propped up with a stick giving two thumbs up?

I know for the most part Christians are ignorant of the Bible when they don't want to actually repect what it says and misinterpret it the rest of the time, but in their fascist tradition shouldn't they pick an image that's grossly disgusting and disturbing in order to guilt-trip people into going to church the next weekend? Fuck, the Klu-Klux-Klan knows that. They use crosses like good Christians should.

2004-11-25T01:37:00.000-08:00

Please send all questions and comments on this blog post to my e-mail address from hotmail: Shmee51@hotmail.com.

Well earlier tonight I was watching The Chronicles of Riddick, which still fucking owns, and I had a minor epiphany. Yes, another one. Anyways, I realized something... the difference entirely which defines just how good or bad all forms of entertainment are are a measure of style. Now lets jump back to some prior popular flicks... take The Matrix. If you remove all style and plot from the movie, it's just people killing people. Anything great about that? Not really... but add in a mega-computer that controls humanity and it's... well a few thousand B science fiction movies can assure that it's still no more than mediocre. But add in a nice thick portion of style... the leather/trenchcoat/big guns/sunglasses for the humans and the completely office-formal suits and ties for agents, and you get a nice contrast which sets up a good interest in the movie.

Another good example of great style in an action movie would be True Lies. This is a bit of an oldie... that movie from way back when with Arnold Shzhasrawrawrfhnsasahrsharhasrhahrgeggar and Jamie Lee Curtis. Same thing, remove the specifics of the plot and the style and it's just another generic spy flick. Now really there's a bit of a difference between the style in True Lies and the style of The Matrix. In the Matrix, the style was mostly aesthetic, as opposed to the style of True Lies which was mostly comedic. True Lies had a lot of good humor mixed in with very chill action sequences, which keeps it ranked among my top action movies of all time.

Now we move on to a non-action genre. So we'll talk about one of my favorite movies, American Beauty. Now the style in this movie was very interesting because it was a very intellectual type of style. The real greatness of this movie was that it was just true. All the pent up emotion in suburban America rolled into a nice big fattie and smoked into a film for our pleasure. Mix that with a very strange group of characters... a pathetic 40-year-old stoner, a complete bitch of a real estate agent, a rebellious daughter, a homophobe, a drug dealer... and you really get something that is very gothic, dark, and disheartening on top, but by the end I think that everybody who saw this honestly had a completely new view of death.

Anyways, with Chronicles of Riddick, I realized that there were many very stylish parts to this movie, all of which I think attributed to why it kicked so much ass. First and foremost, you have Riddick. A complete badass with shiny eyes, but really his persona is what makes him stylish, not so much his appearance. Then you have the Grand Marshall Führer Necromunga duder, who is the same. The armor, bleach white skin, blah blah blah doesn't really make him look good from a stylish viewpoint, but this extremely powerful "fuck with me and I take your soul" sort of persona is something to be admired. Mix that with a chick with more hot and spicy than all the Taco Bells in the world and you got yourself a nice big case of style.

Then I started to realize that it wasn't just movies where style was involved. Video games, for one, have a huge element of style bred into them. Essentially, when we create a video game character in an RPG-type, we're creating a persona and giving it life, virtually anyways. This got me thinking of one of my Horizons characters (my main), Urial. He started as a Reaver, then a Healer, but nothing fit, until I hit Chaos Warrior. So I read into it, and what interested me most was the idea of the abilities of the school having the capability to help or hinder the user. Then mix that with the fact that the school uses my favorite weapon type (2-hand blunt) and you got yourself some style. THEN mix in armor dyes, and it all falls into place. Shiny white armor on a dwarf with a big fuckin maul and now I've created an alter-ego that's got some definate style points.

My point is this... for any creation in entertainment, I now am beginning to think that the most important element is style. With style, everything else can just fall into place, but without it, it gets boring after an hour.

2004-11-08T16:59:00.000-08:00

Well, I've seen and been sent a few joke pictures about how the US is divied to Christian midwest / everything else... but I decided to make my own picture that more reflects the true feelings of the Christian midwest. And on top of that... from their perspective. On top of that, I decided to do the map of how Bush will attempt to make country appear to the 51% of the population who voted for him. On that note, scroll down to see this cartographical masterpiece...

The conservative Christian map of the U.S.A.

And in case you're questioning my judgement that Christians and/or Midwesterners and/or Bush voters, please consult this chart and suck my cock.

2004-11-05T16:56:00.000-08:00

Please send all questions and comments on this blog post to my e-mail address from hotmail: Shmee51@hotmail.com.

Well, in the light of Jake-off's and Thomas Chen's blogs, I too have decided to write my own letter to the Columbian's editorial crew in the hopes that they'll un-wedge the sticks from their asses so that they can finally remove their heads from the same place as well. This is the letter that I wrote:

Well congratulations, you've finally found the people to blame for the shortcomings of the American people! After all, it's not like Bush was elected when teenagers were voting in record-low numbers. Sarcasm aside, if you wish to blame a group of people for Bush's re-election, why not open your eyes and pick a group who actually statistically voted for him? There's a reason why the midwestern US almost always votes for Bush, or any conservative, really, and it isn't because 60% of its population is between 18 and 24 years old. There's a reason why people in lower-income areas voted for Bush, and it's not because they actually want to end up with no healthcare and no social security.

I'm TIRED of being blamed for the mistakes that everybody else makes. If you want to blast Christians for allowing themselves to be programmed into voting for Bush by the church then fine, and if you want to blast poor people for taking the $1000 tax credit bait then fine, but don't just pull a group out of the air so that you can try to believe that it's not YOUR fault for the area failing to see the truth through the lies and deceit that politcal campaign rhetoric is so chalk full of. In Clark county, Bush won by 52%/47% and in Skamania, he won 52%/46%. That doesn't mean that the teenage population all went for Bush while the older, "wiser" population went to Kerry. It means that you, as writers for the local newspaper, failed to show the light of truth to us. Show us publicly that Saddam Hussein was essentially supplanted into power in Iraq by Bush Sr. and friends. Show us that Bush Jr. , Dick Cheney, and Halliburton comitted under-the-table deals for Iraqi oil bids. Show us that the No Child Left Behind act has done next to NOTHING for local schools, AND that Bush has only backed it in public to look good by doing so! Put Bush under the microscope for exactly what he is so that people can be repulsed or intrigued to vote for him. And then, and here's the important part: DO THE EXACT SAME FOR KERRY.

As a newsperson, they tell you to be objective. Well, my friends, "objective" does NOT mean that you cannot show a cantidate for the jerk or hero that they are. It only means that your news shouldn't be completely one-sided. If you had shown that Bush had completely thrown out Clinton's anti-terrorism policies to instead enact his own, NOBODY would buy in to the lie that Clinton's policies were at fault for the attack on 9/11/2001! If you reminded everybody that, upon being informed about those same attacks, Bush sat unresponsively for minutes , NOBODY would buy into the lie that he valiantly "led us through" the attack. And finally, remind everybody of the absolutely HUGE recession that Bush Jr. (and Bush Sr.) led us into, and the gigantic debt we've now accumulated

But I digress. I don't wish to attack you, but the truth is, you're a newspaper, and you're blaming other people for not getting proper news. Want to hear the interesting part? I am a Skyview graduate, and I can personally tell you that copies of the Columbian and the Oregonian were available daily at Skyview while I attended it. And as far as I can remember, I never saw a headline, heck, never even saw a story on the front page about how Bush is being misleading to the country. Never saw about how the "Swift Boat Veterans for Truth" were completely lying about their being beside Kerry in the war. Never saw about how not only Saddam Hussein had no ties with Osama bin Laden, but that, in fact, bin Laden actually couldn't agree with anything Hussein said because of their different (Sunni/Shiite) views.

The point I'm getting at is pretty simple: Don't mock people for being misled when you've done nothing to lead them in the right direction. From now on, I urge you to cease placing blame, because it's a waste of time. Take that time, and write your hearts out so that we can finally bring back reason and intelligence to the White House in 2008.

Ryan Flieder, 18

2004-11-03T01:41:00.000-08:00

Please send all questions and comments on this blog post to my e-mail address from hotmail: Shmee51@hotmail.com.

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on Earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day, our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, Amen.

2004-10-30T21:38:00.000-07:00

Please send all questions and comments on this blog post to my e-mail address from hotmail: Shmee51@hotmail.com.

First, I'd like to talk about "partial-birth abortions". This seems to be the keystone argument on banning abortions of all form, and for the future of this post, in case you wish to question my credibility on the subject, just know that my mother is a CNM (certified nurse midwife, the chick who delivers babies and does all the actual work while the doctor sits in the background and bitches at everybody).

I'd like everybody who's an opponent of partial-birth abortions to ask yourselves, do you know what it is?

A partial birth abortion is basically where they induce birth long before the child could survive, and then quickly kill it once it's delivered. It's a pretty horrendous practice, and is overly violent and messy. However, did you know that that specific form of abortion has only been practiced in the U.S. a number of times which I could count on one hand, even without using the binary counting trick?

The truth is, using partial-birth abortions to ban all abortions is essentially equivalent to killing everybody named "Adolf" because of what Adolf Hitler did during World War II. And the moustache community has never even fully recovered! In all seriousness, PBO is the fucking Bigfoot of abortion... nobody really knows whether or not it's real, but there are some morons who wholeheartedly believe anything that they're told.

Unfortunately, many people who are against all forms of abortion are also against things like full freedom of expression, non abstinence-only sex education, and gay marriage, and interestingly enough, the vast majority of people who oppose all of the above issues are religious semi-extremists... people who make literal interpretations of "God's word" from a book that has been rewritten to the likings of previous kings and queens of the world and leaders of the church. For now, since I mean to stay objective, and since I fucking hate them, I'll focus on Christians.

Many Christians, or most "good" Christians, believe that you shouldn't be able to say "fuck" or show a tit on television, that learning what sex really is and how to be safe will incite a Sodom/Gomorrah civilization where everyone is gay and/or incestual, that two men or two women should not be able to marry, and that abortion is murder.

These issues I'll answer in reverse alphabetical order starting the alphabet with the letter N, and rearranging each third letter via a [5(n-14) % 26] system.

First, Abortion:
The outspoken Christians believe that a fetus is a human being, to which I disagree, but we're not being reasonable... correction: they're not being reasonable... but that's the point of this post now isn't is smartass?

Well, first, how far down can we really say humanity goes? A newborn could be a person, a fetus could be, sperm and eggs are potential people, zygotes could form sperm/eggs, cells could form zygotes, protein and fat could form cells that could in turn form zygotes, and babies that you kill to eat in a cannabalistic fashion could be digested and processed into proteins and fats... so where exactly do you make your pick?

Many opponents of abortion claim that a fetus is that stopping point, but really, their argument is that a fetus can (because it doesn't always, and should we charge a would-be-mother who had a miscarriage with murder?) become a human eventually, and is therefore a human being.

Well, technically sperm and eggs can form a fetus, so should we charge every woman who's ever had a period and every man who's ever masturbated, or ever had a wet dream for that matter, with murder? If you want to continue down this path, technically a man needs to get an erection to be able to naturally release sperm, so is every 13 year old who's gotten an erection in gym class when the girl with the really big tits... ok sorry I meant to make a joke out of that but I'm already disgusted. You get the point.

And since sperm and eggs are formed via zygotic cells, are we all mass murderers because we've created possibility for life and wasted it?

Well, the argument is quaintly devoid of reason, which is really what makes me think that Christians who actually believe this shit are retarded. My point on abortion is, YOU CAN'T CHOOSE WHAT IS AND ISN'T LIFE BECAUSE THEN YOU'RE PLAYING GOD. So, is it your responsibility or right to keep people from having an abortion? No. Is it your right to speak out against it and remain completely ignorant to all those "facts" that the Christians in charge are keeping you from? Yuppers.

Secondly, I'll speak my mind on sex education in school.

Hey guys, did you know that one of Jorges Double-ooh Booosh's campaign promises for both Governor of Texas and President of the US were to ban all non abstinence-only forms of sexual education? Guess what? As of year 2000, just about when Bush was forced into Presidential office by his father and his father's associates, Texas was ranked 5th highest teenage pregnancy rate in the entire US, and second in teenage birthrate. Case Closed.

For those of you wondering, Washington was 26th and 33rd, respectively, and New Mexico was 4th and 5th, respectively.

Thirdlamente, Freedom of Expression.

Have any of you seen the new AOL commercial, with the mother getting on the table to talk to the AOL CEO, who they didn't attempt to make a black woman! Oh wait, she was sitting next to the young white dude. Well I think that that commercial shows everything I hate about parents. Okay, everything I hate about Christian parents in regards to their kids' activities.

The commercial starts with a mother going into a board room of sorts, carrying her child. She asks the insanely large number of people in the board room, who were probably just having a discussion of how to fuck dumb bitches like her out of even more money for a shitty service, about having a service in AOL to block "bad" websites and for her to receive a "report card" of her child's activity. Ok, a bit 1984'ish but I suppose it isn't that bad since she wants to make the decisions for herself and not just let AOL decide for her.... oh WAIT! Then she thrusts her kid at some random guy so that she can get up on the table to be at the center of attention of all these CEO's, almost to the point where you're expecting a dancing pole to drop down from the ceiling so that she can let all these people watch her whore herself out, and asks them about getting automatic spam blocking, automatic virus protection, blah de fucking blah bunch of shit that benefits her and fuck-all to the child, and anything that does anything for her kid is something that she doesn't need to even look at, because, seriously, who gives a shit about those little fuckheads?

So, in that light, most of these dumbfuck parents want to keep their kids from seeing a titty, despite the fact that they were sucking on one not a long time ago, and hearing a joke or song that says (shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, tits, asshole, goddamn) a cussword, but they don't want to actually be the one to instill the wisdom and morals in their kids, they want a program that a guy like me writes to do it for them.

Lastly, I want to talk about Gay marriage. Now, here seems to be the critical point of the argument that NOBODY seems to notice. Marriage is a religious ritual, which means two things:

1. The church of the respective religion has the ultimate choice to determine who exactly is allowed to marry or not.

2. THE GOVERNMENT HAS NO BUSINESS GIVING GRANTS OR BENEFITS OF ANY KIND TO PEOPLE WHO ARE OR ARE NOT MARRIED.

Now that we've got that covered, who the fuck would want to get married? Nowadays people get married for two reasons:

1. To get marriage benefits

2. Because the man or woman or both have entertained some idealized image of marriage that it will immediately grant them love for each other, where really they'll spend the next year wondering why they don't love their partner, annoying the living fuck out of each other, and eventually the woman takes half of the man's shit and gets a new boyfriend. Sorry, gotta be more PC... the woman *is awarded* half of the man's shit and gets a new *partner*. Better? Thought so.

But then that requires a definition of the numbering system, which comes in two main fashions:

1. Numerical:
1.

2.

2. Roman Numerical:
I.

II.

And are we talking:
1. Early Roman
-or-
2. Late Roman

So really, I don't give a shit if the church bans gay marriage, because it is its right. HOWEVER, that means that married people should get no more or less benefits than somebody who's been baptized, Bar Mitzfah'ed, or raped by a priest... and he said he'd call... that motherfucker.

2004-10-21T21:48:00.000-07:00

Please send all questions and comments on this blog post to my e-mail address from hotmail: Shmee51@hotmail.com.

As some of you may know I am an avid viewer of The Daily Show with Jon Stuart, and as much fewer of you know, he recently went on CNN's "Crossfire" and had a nice quaint little chat with the hosts, primarily Tucker Carlson.

In case you don't know, Crossfire is a "debate show" that reduces any coherent argument to a basis below Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn, wholly branding left/right wing onto anything any everything they can so that they can label all topics on their show, thus enabling them to pick their sides on an argument just by looking at a sheet of paper instead of doing that bullshit "thinking" thing that TRUE liberals seem to enjoy.

As I'm sure few (if any) of you have seen Jon Stuart's first/last Crossfire appearance, here it is. I apologize for the website's overflow of java-based popups and whorish level of advertising, but Ifilm is basically the only place to go for shit like this.

And here is Jon Stuart's Daily Show intro where he talks about his appearance on Crossfire.

It was interesting because, basically, Jon went on Crossfire and started to tear into the two hosts for demoralizing America and doing us all harm by proposing their show be non-partisan when, in reality, the hosts are each no more than puppets for their political stereotype, and rather than rebutting Jon's claims (which, would be a debate, wouldn't it?) they, moreso Tucker Carlson, simply started accusing the Daily Show of doing the same by bringing up the questions that Jon asked Senator Kerry (JOHN Kerry, dipshit). Those questions were the typical Daily Show discourse "How are ya, how ya doing in , what's your new stuff?", and Jon simply came back by saying that he hosts a comedy show, and that Crossfire was a news show that had no comedic value to it and, more importantly, no objective news/views material.

It was interesting also to see the Crossfire hosts basically talk to Jon in a way that said "you're not being funny", and Jon coming back in a way that said "I know that, I'm trying to discuss a problem you guys have." Anyways, to sum up, Jon basically repeatedly said "you guys are hurting America by doing this shit" while the hosts attacked the Daily Show for not bringing objective news to the table. I STRONGLY suggest that everybody who reads this should go to the above links and watch Jon, as it was an extremely interesting thing to see a real debate (even if only legitimately argued by one side) on Crossfire.

Also it was very refreshing to see Jon arguing a serious point of the news rather than just making jokes about it. Even though on the Daily Show he really does convey news, it's just not the same.

2004-10-20T21:22:00.000-07:00

Please send all questions and comments on this blog post to my e-mail address from hotmail: Shmee51@hotmail.com.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAA GO YANKEES!

2004-10-16T01:08:00.000-07:00

Please send all questions and comments on this blog post to my e-mail address from hotmail: Shmee51@hotmail.com.

Well in the past few years there have been times where I have been and seen both prey and predator to the same feeling... emotion... situation... call it what you want, but it seems now that it has revealed its ugly head once again. That situation of which I speak is the simple result of desire, which I'll only discuss from a male POV since I honestly don't know women well enough to even start on the female POV.

First, was Angie. Angie loved Megan, but Megan didn't love Angie. Unfortunate? Yes. Problem? Not really... the problem begins with an echo of a rumble of a voice in the back of the psyche that tells us persistence will pay off. With men and women, I really believe that within the first week of meeting somebody, it should be at least somewhat obvious whether or not you're going to end up dating or not. The voice which says "persist and it will pay off" is complete bullshit. The shameful thing is that, because of the nature of desire, men (and very likely also women) will ignore all reason (okay, yes this includes women) and continue to pursue their interests, despite consequent results.

I think that this spawns from two things:

1. The tendency to latch onto a chance... if you haven't had a girlfriend in years, the first girl who shows the slightest bit of interest or affection will become an idealized object of lust, not love. And as we all know, love may be a stronger emotion, but lust is extremely overwhelming.
and
2. The retarded "If at first you don't succeed..." motto has been hammered into our brains from such an early age, we believe we can apply it to any situation. If you could convince someone to attempt to run through a brick wall, after they fail, they'd be back in a suit and helmet ready to try it again.

I think that all guys have a girl that they obsess about at one point or another, for one length of time or another. I was lucky and for me, it was in the 7th grade, so it got out of the way early, and didn't last tremendously long. It helped me realize a lot of things about women from my own perspective, and most importantly, that having a girlfriend isn't necessary. I think that this realization is something that would benefit women more, since women are oft judged by what they posess and control rather than who they are or what they've done. But I digress... and I'll leave that analysis for another day.

Today I wish to speak of my guy friends. As before mentioned, Angie had it pretty hard for Megan... literally. I've thought about something from time to time which I really thought was inconsequential because I honestly think Megan was only slightly more interested in me than Angie... and that thought was that, if Megan threw herself at me, or even if there was a chance, would I take it, despite that fact that a great friend of mine had pined for her for years? Honestly the answer is yes. Because I have no respect for my friends? Definately not. Because I had feeling for Megan? None other than "hmm not bad...". Because I (like most men) have a tendency to think with my cock? Yeah. haha.

Like I said, I've been on the bad side of this equation before. There have been women that I've wanted, and I'd be pissed... or really would have been pissed... had my friends ended up with one of them. Why? Jealousy mostly. But jealousy doesn't really sum up the feeling. And the true feeling that I've come to see is emptiness. That may sound odd, but listen to my reasoning. If we want something (in that child "I want a cookie" sort of way [Because really, men trying to get women is basically the same {But you women readers shouldn't think that your thought process is in any way better, because really it isn't (women tend to try to take what their friends have... it's a fucked up way of... goddamnit, back to the main idea)}])

Anyways, if we want something, but fail to obtain it, it's not that we now don't have whatever we desired that makes us feel bad. It may be a small part of it, but really, the biggest pain you can inflict on yourself is failure. Or castration. But really... I think if you attempted to castrate yourself without pain meds, you'd pass out before you could finish, and with painkillers, you wouldn't feel anything. So now, if you fail to achieve something, but now you see somebody else achieve it, that feeling of failure is worse because it's raised to the power of envy. Failure breeds depression, envy breeds hate... so you can get by by simply hating the person who beat you to the punch. But if that somebody is a friend of yours... you can't simply shrug off your own shortcomings by hating the person... because that person is your friend. If you choose to realize your own failure, which happens must less often, you fall into deep depression until you can realize that life does not end on one missed opportunity.

If you rather decide to reject the friend, your anger and sadness to not disappear, and the sense of hopelessness sets in, of which the result can only be described as... nothingness. It's such a confusing mess of emotion that the end result is that there is no end result. It's both self-feeding and self-destroying. You stay at the exact same spot until you can find a way around in or out. Otherwise you're trying to get out of prison by digging straight down... and you'll die long before you get out that way.

So, what's the answer, you ask? Well... fuck if I know. I'd probably still fight any friend of mine if I saw them with my first girlfriend... not because I hate the friend, but because I hate the fact that the girl would choose someone else. But then, shouldn't knowing that keep me from fucking with any girls my friends got it for? Well... if I were in a position (right now) to screw Noelle... or Megan... or... some... other random chick that a friend of mine had it for... my dick would say yes, my heart would say yes, and my brain would be mumbling to itself (as per usual). I suppose what I'm trying to say is NOT to stay away from girls that your friends like, but to NOT BE THAT FRIEND. If you like a girl and she doesn't like you, grow some balls and get the fuck over it.

2004-10-10T20:51:00.000-07:00

Please send all questions and comments on this blog post to my e-mail address from hotmail: Shmee51@hotmail.com.

Well... I've been meaning to blog recently but I couldn't think of anything worth blogging, so I haven't. Last Friday I was at a Magic tournament with Tyson and randomly ran into Wisner... which was really freaky but really cool, so yeah. I had to miss the presidential debate, you know, the "town hall" style debate where everything was scripted, and it sorta helped me to realize something... if the American people actually re-elect Mr. Bush, we should immediately conscribe every dumb motherfucker who voted 'pub into the Army.

Why? Well, the funny thing is that both the 'pubs and those goddamn evil shh.... liberals... would benefit from it. The common Bush supporter is a White middle and upper-middle class person, who has a serious footing in religion (read: blind Christianity) and a deep seeded hatred for that bullshit "education". The common anybody-but-Bush supporter is someone of either 2 castes of people who are completely against the Iraqi war or people who realize that Bush's shitty economic policy is fucking our economy into a Hole deeper than Courtney Love's tired old... band.

Why then, you ask, would the 'pubs benefit from this? Well, their benefit comes from their religious background (read: blind Christian) and their background of moral escapades (read: Crusades). With all the hatred that the far right's rhetoric has spawned, every semi-extremist Christian would be more than happy to fire a gun at those goddamn "sand-niggers" to take back "their" holy land. So, then, back at home, we leave all the liberals who will promptly recall Bush like a girl who's shaved for 10 years. Then, when the 'pub Army comes back (that is, if they come back, but really, who fucking cares?) the country will have unfucked itself and we'd be in a great prosperous state like back in '99 when Clinton was still prez.

Lots of people argue with me that Reagonomics (cutting the rich people's taxes in the hope that they'll hire more people into their businesses and pay out more) does or doesn't work. And I refer them to this thing that I like to refer to as "history". Back when Reagan was elected and basically threw out all the regulations on industry (like Carter's old regulation that the average mileage for a car company's sales had to be above... 27 or so, not sure the exact number) and the economy began to slump. Then, Bush (Sr.) was elected and the economy continued to slump... until the 3rd year of his term when the deficit had grown so large that even Bush thought it prudent to raise taxes... and guess what? The economy began to stabilize! Then in comes Clinton, taxes are raised more, and the economy thrives. And were all the rich people out on the streets due to the increased taxes? No. As a matter of fact, the economic growth allowed the business owners to sell more which gave them about the same end-game sum as cutting taxes would have, and WITHOUT fucking over everybody else in the process.

Back to my original criticism of dumbass Bush, I'd like to discuss the two major issues of this election. The economy? No. The nuclear disarmament of North Korea? No. The pursuit of justice in Darfur? No. The U.S.A.'s lack of global responsibility with the U.N.? No. The signing of the Kyoto Protocol? No. Ahh... the War in Iraq.

It amazes me how blatantly ignorant 'pub supporters are of the fact that Saddam Hussein had NO ties with Osama Bin Laden. NONE. I'd like to repeat that because it's something that most people seem programmed to ignore. SADDAM HUSSEIN HAD NO TIES TO OSAMA BIN LADEN. In fact, when Bin Laden (Sunni Muslim) and Hussein (Shiite Muslim) met in 1996, they could not agree on anything because Osamalama was too conservative to be associated with Hussein. It seems like every time that the war in Iraq comes up, the retards.. err Bush supporters think of the Iraqi war as a Crusade to find terrorists and Osama Bin Laden. Anybody remember Afghanistan? When our intelligence told us Osama had been hiding there, so we "invaded" with about 5,000 troops and the Afghani government on our side, only to leave about a month later?

I know our intelligence has been under criticism, HEAVY criticism, but what in the blazing fuck was that about? Also, does anybody remember wayyyyyy back in the 1970's when the U.S. supported Saddam as the new leader of Iraq? Why? Well because Iraq was (and still is) the monopoly on oil exporting to the Western hemisphere. Essentially, Iraq is to OPEC what Freddie Mercury was to Queen. OPEC is strong as hell because they have the big daddy of oil at their front. And also, does anybody else remember in the early 1970's when there was a skyrocket in gasoline prices (up to almost $1.00/gallon!)? Well, what nobody seems to ever say is that Saddam, then Iraq's head of Western Oil Exports, had jacked up the prices to fund his regime's coup d'état.

But then again, we do need to make the world safer by invading countries that are harboring and funding terrorism to make the world safer. Make the world safer. Because making the world safer is what Bush is doing. He's making the world safer. Just make sure you don't pay too much attention to how much safer the world is or else you'll realize the truth of the man behind the curtain. Just ask Spain, Iran, Turkey, England, Pakistan, Indonesia, North Korea, Israel, Palistine, and not to mention IRAQ, how much safer they think the world is.

What is the other major topic of this presidential race you ask? September 11th. Honestly I'd be happy if a law was passed to never allow either presidential cantidate to refer to the WTC, 9/11, or "Ground Zero" ever, EVER again. Why? Because both cantidates (but to be honest, moreso Bush) are simply using images of the twin towers to force this bullshit feeling of patriotism and sway people into voting for them. Should the twin towers incident be used as any political statement? Only if you want to talk about how Bush and his cabinet misled the American people into thinking that Saddam Hussein had ties to it. End of story.

Apart from that, on the personal front I've been considering transferring up to WSU Pullman and pursuing a Computer Science degree there rather than the vancouver branch. It's somewhat nice being in such small classes... but then again it sucks having such small classes. It's good because you get more direct attention from teachers, but it sucks because I essentially see the same 10 people (5 [including me] who know what the hell we're doing.. and one is transferring up to Pullman after this quarter).

The transferring issue is something I really need to make up my mind on within the next few weeks because the longer I stay in classes at WSU Vancouver, the less of them will transfer to Pullman and the harder it will be... so I'm workin on that decision. I'll get there eventually. As for now, all yall readers out there should make decisions that get you ahead... or just get you head. Not like it really matters.

2004-09-21T23:28:00.000-07:00

Please send all questions and comments on this blog post to my NEW and IMPROVED e-mail address from hotmail: Shmee51@hotmail.com.

Fuck Fed-Ex. Fuck Clark Bookstore. Fuck Clark's Administrators. Fuck the city councilmen who designed the fuck-all that is the area of McLoughlin/Fort Vancouver Way/Reserve Street/Mill Plain. Fuck the asshole who decided that Clark's parking lots should be exempt from all standard parking lot regulations. Fuck him/her again for putting 15 compact car spots for every 1 large car spot in an area of the country where the most popular car types are large trucks and SUVs. Then, fuck them a third time for putting an "overflow" lot across Ft. Vancouver Way from Hudson's Bay while there's a HUGE grassy area on the corner of McLoughlin and Ft. Vancouver Way. And finally, fuck the Clark College students as a collective (myself included) for never petitioning, picketing, rioting, or pillaging Clark College for better parking and student treatment.

As you may be able to infer, I didn't have the greatest of days today. My second day of class as WSU was today, which kicked ass... all my teachers are pretty cool, including a Calculus teacher who I believe is funnier, smarter, and cooler in general than Mr. Brands... but I'll leave that for another day. The problem started last Monday (9/13) when I ordered my books online from Clark College to be delivered to my house via Fed-Ex. They guaranteed delivery in 2-4 business days, which to me meant that I'd get my books by Friday at the latest. Bzzzt, guess again! Now it's Tuesday, and my books are no-fuck-where to be found and I have homework in all three of my classes (two due Wednesday, huzzah!) So I go to Clark, which is a fuckaree all in itself. I went to clark at 1 P.M. on a Tuesday. Fuck. Here's a little image I made of Clark and the surrounding streets with all the insane parking.

Fuck I hate Clark.

As you can see, I had to park rediculously far away from the relatively small campus, of course across the street from the large grassy area that could easily be turned into 400 parking spots.

Anyways, I ordered my books last Monday, didn't show so I went to the bookstore today, and they claimed that Fed-Ex shipped it to my house on Friday. They ALSO claimed that they called back my mother and left a message on Friday. Well, there's just a small problem with that... my mother didn't call Clark until Monday. So, unless Clark has a newly invented Time-Travel department, I know that they're full of shit without even having to check the answering machine. So then she claims that they were delivered on Friday and I just didn't see them. Bzzt, wrong, I looked for them, no voucher, no books, no notice. So she gives me some shit about not being able to get back the shipping cost and charging me a $5 per book to re-wrap it if I return them. This is when I go from angry to pissed and basically I said the following...

"Look, we never got the books, I know you're full of shit so don't keep lying about them being delivered. I don't care whose fault it is, but I know it's not mine, nor any of my family's. If you delivered it, who signed for it? If you won't give me a full refund, I'll have no problem calling Visa (the card I used to buy the books online, AND the 2nd set of books from the store) and telling them to cancel the payment because we bought something that never showed up."

Now regardless of how that sounds, it was not some angry screaming rant in the middle of the store. Basically I watched the pudgy bitchy "I have control over you peons" face on the teller and the manager melt to daunted panic because they now have a customer who doesn't take any shit in their midst. They both apologized together as the teller took down my online order confirmation number while the manager actually got on the phone to call Fed-Ex. Ryan: 1, Bitchy Assholes: 0.

I get home and there is a message on the machine from about 20 minutes before I showed up at Clark bookstore on Tuesday claiming that the book was already delivered and that's that. Heh, nice try.

So basically I got my books and my father is going to call them again tomorrow and simply tell them that they have a few days to find where the books we ordered went, get them back to the bookstore and give us a full refund, or we're going to call Visa and cancel the payment. Simple. Ryan: 2, Bitchy Assholes: 0.

Apart from that in the next few weeks, despite the fact that I won't be going to Clark or using the lots much at all, I'm going to try to start a formal petition to Clark College and the Vancouver City Council about the parking situation. It's completely rediculous for it's students as well as it poses an emergency threat because people have to park illegally, which blocks hydrants, service entrances, fast exits, etc. They have plenty of space on campus with which to add more parking spots, and I truly believe that not a single Clark student would not sign a petition to get more and better parking at Clark. I think that a problem like this is one of those things that everybody knows about, but they assume they can just let it go because college students at Clark are detached and apathetic. We'll see how it goes.

I suppose my advice for the day, as, for the most part, these blog posts do have some moral to the story or some main message, would be to never take any shit from anyone. In any situation, you can achieve the upper hand by either force or sleight, and as soon as you do, everything gets much easier. Oh, and retail clerks are complete cocksuckers, so give them as much shit as you can if they're being bitches.

2004-09-14T18:41:00.000-07:00

Please send all questions and comments on this blog post to my NEW and IMPROVED e-mail address from hotmail: Shmee51@hotmail.com.

Well, as any of you Maddox readers may know, his website has recently been blocked by the corporate swine at Websense International. If you've read his new post, you'll also find that a website was created a few years ago, under the nom de merde (pardon my French, I've never taken classes in the language) Mothers Against Maddox

Since I have a larger beef with Websense and companies like it, I'm going to attack, slander, abuse, and ridicule Mothers Against Maddox first. Now, that site was created by a mother who...

"...discovered his website when I found my oldest son, age 14 looking through a page on his site that promoted suicide. I was shocked to find out that my son had been going to this site on a constant basis. Ever since my son started going to Maddox's website, I noticed an increase in his hatred towards certain groups of people and his negative attitude towards life. I no longer allow my children to connect to the internet without my supervision, because I do not want them to view such trash on the web, that promotes hate, suicide, violence, and bad-attitude."

Alright, so let's get this straight... this bitch can't spend 10 seconds asking her son what he's looking at, but she can dedicate enough time, energy, and money to be the WM of a fucking website? Then she goes on to imply that Maddox's website is the reason for her (14 year old) son's "negative attutude toward life"? THEN she announces that, while before she discovered her son reading "such trash" she had time nil to check his internet history, yet now she has the time to supervise her children's internet access at all times? Two ends of a spectrum, people. A parent shouldn't be completely ignorant about their kids' activities, but this hateful, shameless, fascist bullshit is simply the other end of the spectrum.

Her "About" page says everything there is to know about her. She has no sense of humor, nor any tolerance. Funny, isn't it? Usually the people who complain that you are being intolerant are the most bigoted motherfuckers around. So, according to her, making fun of minorities, kids, elderly people, and women is wrong... yet we should have no tolerance for a person (read: white male) who's a bit of an asshole with a hateful humor website? Well, evidently everybody EXCEPT Mr. Maddox should have their freedoms, isn't that right? Her entire "child protective" website is simply a hateful assault on Maddox's humor. She has wholly bipassed the comedy in Maddox's writings, and done a flat literal interpretation of his writing. Gee, he's making fun of children's drawings, he must be trying to offend them! Gee, this page is about murdering whales! So THAT'S why those whales are being dragged closer and closer to extinct. NOT because of asshole oil companies spilling hundreds of thousands of gallons anually into the Earth's various oceans, and NOT because the exhaust and oil leakage from tanker and cargo vessels is pumped DIRECTLY into the water, but because of this guy and his "humor".

The other great thing is that, it doesn't need to be written ANYWHERE on the site for me to know she's a very conservative Christian. If she lived two states south of where she does now I bet each page on her site would feature the words "Jesus" "Bible" and "God" in triple digits. Despite that fact, she goes on, in her "about" page, to say...

"Children can get fooled into believing someone else's biased opinions just from reading jokes. Us parents need to stop our kids from believing Maddox, or else they may grow up to become violent, prejudice adults like him."

So, let me get this straight... now he's attempting to corrupt the youth of America by forcing his prejudices onto children which he draws to his site with promises of laughter, enlightenment, and generally good times? THAT GODLESS HEATHEN! The beauty of comedy is simply in the fact that all the problems we have in the world can be shown in their truthful light but in a manner which is...well, funny. We can all (well, ok evidently not all of us) cast aside our fears and angers to laugh at some Polack jokes, Jew jokes, Woman jokes, Midget jokes, fucking a car exhaust pipe jokes, whatever! And we can laugh because all stupid racism, sexism, or any other prejudices are born out of stupidity, and if you look at it the right way, stupidity is fucking funny.

Okay, now onto Websense. Websense is basically another NetNanny company. You buy their program and they ban websites for you. Except that Websense is NetNanny for work. Funny, isn't it? Instead of reducing pay and firing the fuckheads who are downloading porn and talking on IM at work, we should just block the sites that they like to go to so that they'll spend the entire day staring at their desk. I suppose Websense is one of the lesser culprits in the crimes against the First Amendment, simply because it's designed for people at work, but even so... If you believe that you have the right to censor what people should and shouldn't be able to read, see, hear, smell, taste, touch, or fuck, you are dead goddamn wrong. Are you afraid of your kids looking up porno on the internet? News Flash: Seeing a titty at 14 will NOT damage a kid nearly as much as... say... bashing his intellect, self-esteem, and chance for true personal freedom with a super-sized bible.

============Dinner Intermission==============
Deedlee Dee Dee Deeeeeee Deedelee deeeee deee deeeeeeeee Deedleeedeeedleeeedeeedeeedeee deedlee dee dee deeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
============End of Intermission==============

Well, I hate to say it but I really should stop doing intermissions when I write blog posts.... fucks up my thought process. So... I'll sum up...

Conservatism BAD.
Freedom of Speech GOOD.

2004-09-09T01:45:00.000-07:00

Please send all questions and comments on this blog post to my NEW and IMPROVED e-mail address from hotmail: Shmee51@hotmail.com.

Well, most people either have gone back to school already or will in the next week or so, so I wish to speak on a few universal truths about school that different people will claim can change:

1. Work your hardest and you'll get good grades

Bullshit, some people are born with limits... not everybody is capable of becoming a nuclear physicist. Also, as I've learned, even if you do attempt work, some people (teachers and professors, for example) are sexist/racist/intelligence-ist assholes. Hey, stay up for 4 hours writing an excellent paper? Well you'll still get a C because your prof. doesn't like you. Combine this with an unwillingness to kiss ass and you get! A cumulative 3.0 GPA.

Another great irony about #1 is that it implies that while hard work gets you good grades, laziness, apathy, and low standards will get you bad grades. Well boys and girls, remember those idiots who were TA's for PE teachers, took 3 classes a day, and somehow managed to take 4 years of art? Well, while they put nearly zero effort into their education, thus making them completely inept, they can declare on their job and college applications that they're the proud owner of a 4.0 GPA! Even better are the students who took 4 years of PE, 4 years of art, and cheated their way through all their other classes, now they've taken AP/honors classes AND they have a 4.0, but they're equally useless to a world that requires skill.

2. (as a minor addendum to #1) Make a good first impression on your teachers/profs. and you'll have an easy year.

Bullshit. Some teachers are assholes. Some teachers don't like guys. Some teachers like girls, some like guys, some hate whites, some hate blacks, some are gay, asian, midget, transsexual, crossdressing, or have major brain deficiencies. Run into one and you're bound to either fuck up a perfect impression or have it already fucked because the asshole you're trying to impress hates you before you even open your mouth. Yes, that even includes you girls who'll suck dick for a grade. Okay, maybe not. But the point is, sometimes you can't control somebody else's attitude towards you. Then, you are fucked unless you can find away to put their balls in a vice or stay out of their way enough that they won't know you enough to bias their grades on your papers.

3. (another irony of #1) Work is needed to do well

Bullshit... in reality, negative biases as well as positive biases can work in your favor. You a girl with a nice rack? Do as I heard some chicks saying and wear a tube top on test day. Eaaaaaasssy A. Girls (and very rarely, guys) can sleep with their profs (college) or tease their teachers (elementary school) to get a grade with no effort. Is your dad president of the law firm that your teacher's cousin works at? Easy A. Did your sister give your teacher shots down her blouse last year? Easy A. Are you starter for varsity football? Easy A. The truth is that you can whore yourself out in various ways to get out of doing work. Sound unfair? Unreasonable? Out of place in a mature society? THAT'S what adult life is all about. Some girls fuck their bosses for a promotion; some guys keep their tongue thourougly lodged in their boss's asshole. Is there a difference? Not really.

4. This year's classes will be different.

Bzzzt. Wrong, dumbass. As far as I see, school has been the same since Kindergarten. The class is taught at turtle speed to the lowest common denominator, the intelligent students who finish the work in 1/10 the time are criticized for "wasting time" and the idiots are blessed as "most improved." Classes that are advertised as "tough" are either taught by unreasonable profs/teachers or are incredibly easy.

Well, that is my view on school, so in case you disagree or find that something I've said is in any way untrue, negative, or racist, sexist, or generalized, please take solace in the fact that... I don't give a shit. At all. No, seriously. I could cause a small war and still not even give a shit. Not even enough to pride myself in that what I wrote inspired a number of people to kill. I suppose this should be my best tip for all prospective students who wish to keep their dignity through the ass-kissing cocktease games that the state forces us to go through: apathy is the answer. The fact that you don't care may make you appear mediocre and lazy, but the fact of the matter is that not only have you kept your dignity intact, but because you withdraw yourself from the bullshit in the education system, you have the opportunity to do the one thing that schools try their hardest to keep you from doing. Not drinking. Not engaging in frequent casual sex. Learning. Well, not so much learning as realizing the truths about humanity as you derive from your own mind.

Apart from that, I want every college student here (okay, every college student NOT attending a college for its religious base) to vote for Kerry. Why? Because I enjoy being in control of people while they scurry about like lemmings. But why does it benefit you? Well, simply put, all of the real issues facing people our age, like the future of our economy, our social security, the defecit, moral decisions like abortion and gay marriage, and positions on going to war with countries that we had no business invading, are put in an extremely slanted spotlight by Sr. Jorges Double-ooh Booosh, and that slant favors who? You guessed it, Frank Stallone! Err no, old white men. And even I'm against those Christian oppressive values of the old white men.

2004-09-05T03:54:00.000-07:00

Please send all questions and comments on this blog post to my NEW and IMPROVED e-mail address from hotmail: Shmee51@hotmail.com.

Okay... while I was looking at some other people's blogs on blogger... I noticed a few things... first and foremost that we have profiles. When the shit did that happen? Well, I filled mine out cuz I'm bored and can't go to sleep right now, and I noticed another thing: Blogger has an automatic wordcount and postcount, so mixed with the first post date, I was faced with an interesting statistical ability. I figured out that from the start date of this blog (1/30/04, fucked up, init?) to my last post (9/4/04), this blog has been up and bitching for approximately 218 days. That's 5232 hours, 313920 minutes, or 18835200 seconds. Also, as of my last post, I've posted 28499 words on this weblog. Fucked up, init? Well, some quick math reveals that approximately every 661 seconds I add a new word, which is about every 11 minutes. Or, if you like thinking in terms of words/hour, every hour I add about 5 and a half words. Now I've always been interested at the sheer magnitude of weird ass statistics like the mass of Earth (6.0 x 10^24 Kg), so when I found out that I've almost racked up 25,000 words on my blog, I was astounded. Do I really post that much? Whatever. Anyways I'm testing out some new shit, including commenting, a new links box, and a cyber-midget, which ensures that my blog will always seem big in comparison. Anyways, go ahead and check out my profile if ya give a shit, otherwise, fuck off.

2004-09-04T02:10:00.000-07:00

Please send all questions and comments on this blog post to my NEW and IMPROVED e-mail address from hotmail: Shmee51@hotmail.com.

Well today I take an uneasy break from politcal, economic, and war-ism-ness-ish tensions, and post about an issue that I've been contemplating for a few months now. We need to retire Britney Spears. I don't mean retire like a hitman means it, nor do I mean retire her singing "career", but retire her as a hottie. Why? Well, for one, she's not so hot anymore. Remember the days of her dancing around in a schoolgirl outfit with that weird noise stuff in the background? Well, while that, and the few years which followed it, was very hot, that was 5 years ago.

Brief intermission here... On a "bio" of Britney, I discovered this little nugget of unintelligence:

At the beginning of the '90s, teen currency shifted from bubblegum'n'Tiger Beat to grunge'n'Maximum Rock & Roll. Although it may have been pushed from the spotlight, teen pop hadn't died -- it, in a way, went underground, spending time on the fringes of pop culture.

In response, I tried to think of some funny quip, but all I was left thinking was, "WhattheFUCK?" Am I to believe that Mickey Mouse Club pop bullshit was the musical highlight of the 80's? And that bands like The Offspring, Nirvana, and the Beastie Boys were a completely new trend in music? I'm sorry, I always thought that it was the butt rock and hair metal days of bands like Pantera, Def Leppard, Whitesnake, Twisted Sister, and AC/DC which spawned the lighter "grunge" music of the early 90's, and that the regurgitated girl-pop heartthrobbing bullshit of the mid to late 90's was caused by the extreme pussification of "M"TV (because I just can't refer to it literally as Music Television, even in acronym) and their refusal to stand behind the crowd which they had helped grow and the bands that they played. Then again a music video is more or less to music what a Choco Taco is to Mexican Cuisine. Now "M"TV is a marketing channel playing either Teeny Pop, which is about as worthwhile to listen to as a drunken Ukrainian man who just ate 19 Churros vomit into a deep bucket while inside a metal shack at the bottom of a well while being beaten with hollow metal pipes that ping every time they hit, or Rap, which is the same except not only is the Ukrainian puking, but he's also spewing geysers of diarrhea into a fan that sprays it all over the walls and taints them a nice orangy-brown color, or R&B which is like rap, except now the Ukrainian is a woman. I mean, really, who can beat the complex lyrical incantations of great artists of our time like 50 Cent, Chingy, or Lil' John. Where else can you hear the true plight of the black man than listening to 15 year old white boys who wouldn't know a .22 from a .45 sing, wait no... drone great tunes about killing whitey, spinners, and best of all, their ho's. Well, fortunately this does have a good effect on our society; the white boys are shot when they flash a gang sign to the wrong muhfuh, and the white girls get so used to being degraded that soon not only will they be dancing to songs about girls lapping up sweat from a guy's balls and fucking in the back of a Caddilac, but they'll just become public orifices that are open for anybody to just come and bend them over to the new 50 Cent song, "Come bend this bitch over, fuck her asshole, and nut in her hair." That's not me being a whore... I'm DANCING! Where was I going with this? Whore... oh, Britney Spears!

No, I'm not one of those idiots who thinks she's a whore because she dresses like one, acts like one, and most of all, sounds like one, but I do think that we should retire her before it's too late. We don't want to get to that place like what happened with Madonna (whom I never thought was more than a 6), where she was 40, with saggy tits and more sexual experience than... 50 Cent, haha, and people were left questioning whether or not she was hot. We know Britney's been smokin' hot for the last 5 years, so now that she's started to decline, lets just retire her right now. Picture it on the same level as retiring Elvis back when he was thin. After all, who wants to hear about Britney Spears' death on the toilet after 5 years of constant weight gain?

Along with Britney Spears, there are some other actresses and models who should be retired. First, Pamela Anderson. Old, Hep C, not that hot anymore. Implants are in and out more often than, haha, 50 Cent.
Carmen Electra, she's really hot, but she's gettin old. In a few years it will be unmistakable and we'll all be struck with a "when the fuck did she get so old?" feeling. Retire her while we still have the image of her in that December playboy in our heads, before we get an image that's harder to remove for a much, much worse reason.
Salma Hayek... who can forget her beautiful ass in Wild Wild West (which I, to this day, protest was a good movie) or her incredible beauty in Desparado. Have you seen these pictures of her from the movie Frida? Yeah she was naked, but if you're wankin off to a picture of a girl with a unibrow, you got problems. She's also getting old, so it'd be a good time to retire her before she's nude with no limbs or some even more fucked up thing.
And last but not least, UMA THURMAN. Not because she's old, not because she's getting fat, not because she's doing weird nudity, and not because she's turning into the kinda chick would would be, haha, in a 50 Cent song, but because she was never that hot to begin with. From Batman Forever, or was it Batman Returns? Well, whatever, the one where she was the bad chick, I've been confused as to why all these guys are ready to pop their corks to her. She's another person who I think never beat out a 6, *maybe* a 7.

As for right now, I am glad for "artists" like 50 Cent for one simple reason: they can get girls to dress and act like whores on their own will. Hey let's dress like that chick from the 50 Cent video, ya know, the one with the 2" skirt and 3" top... damn Danielle had a nice ass. I just don't understand a girl's motivation to do that. Well, I partially do... women love attention. But most women are offended when anybody other than some "good looking" (which can range from rich to poor, skinny to fat, black to partly black, and from guys who are well endowed to... haha, 50 Cent) guy notices them. Except I have the weirdest ability to offend some girls in a way that gets them to ignore the fact that I'm, in general, a womanizing asshole, and stick around me. Anyways, please don't try to milk Britney Spears for more than she's worth. Mmmmm. You know what I meant.

God I fucking hate 50 Cent.

2004-08-29T22:07:00.000-07:00

Please send all questions and comments on this blog post to my NEW and IMPROVED e-mail address from hotmail: Shmee51@hotmail.com.

I need to make an annoucement:

There is no stronger of feeling of freedom than going an entire day without wearing pants.

Now I've done a decent amount of drugs in my time (which, in reflection, were bad decisions), done my share of furious mindless masturbation, started riding my motorcycle, moved out to my own apartment space, and most importantly, went from being entombed in the middle of bumfuck nowhere to having a car and leaving whenever the hell I want, and none of these feelings of freedom come close to being up for a day without wearing pants.

I don't mean wearing shorts, or wearing swim trunks, gym shorts, sweat pants, etc., I mean wearing NOTHING but your skivvies. Okay, and a shirt, but seriously skivvies-only is best. I've only managed to do this twice, and being forced to put on pants at 9PM the night of the no-pants commitment is like having a loooooong session of hot passionate sex without ever finally blowing your load all over the curtains.

Now this isn't some weird sex thing, like not wearing pants lets ya start up whenever ya want to, but just not giving a shit enough to not bother putting on pants. I strongly suggest all of you to experiment with this on your next day off (read: tomorrow). Just don't wear pants. Not necessarily as a statement or for any real reason, just out of complete remiss apathy. It's sorta like being in love, or having your first orgasm, or putting a gerbil... well, what I mean is that you can talk up the experience as much as possible, but the only way to experience it, is to experience it. And when ya do, you'll never go back to anal plugs again. Err, you'll never... do... stuff. I don't know, but I put it on the same level as being able to appreciate good art. No fuck that, above that level. It's a way to learn freedom in a way that no pants-wearing fuckmook can explain.

As for me, my college orientation is in a bit over two weeks, and I'm looking forward to it in a weird way. As much as I love playing video games, it's gotten a tit bit lonely livin in the middle of nowhere wit a good number of my good friends off to not so good colleges. :) . Figure that one out BITCH! Muahaha.

2004-08-14T21:00:00.000-07:00

Please send all questions and comments on this blog post to my NEW and IMPROVED e-mail address from hotmail: Shmee51@hotmail.com.

Well Jakeoff is asleep and gonna be leaving tomorrow EARLY morning for Nü Mexi-Tech and it's a shame we never got together for one last poker tourney, or one last movie, or one last whatever, but I guess I'm somewhat thankful for this... if we had assigned some event as "the last" it would almost be the same as if he were dying. Like somehow saying that after that one event, he would permanently be gone. So this has got me thinking about transitions in my life entirely. For my friends, I never want to have a "last" event. I want to plan the next one. Jake's going to be off to NMT, so we've already have some framework for our next get-together: Winter break. Now, luckily, when he comes home to his 'rents house for winter break (which I suppose IS an assumption, but oh well) I don't have to worry about being at collegestill , because I'm going to be at college in Vancouver. Wu-man and Angie will hopefully have winter break at the same time that Jake does, and so our next big get-together will be a movie and poker game in December.

Which brings me to Wu-man and Angie. They're going to be leaving in the next few weeks, so I want to do some fun stuff before they go. Not because it's my "last" opportunity to see them, but because I love spending time with my friends. They're only going to be up in Seattle, and since most of my family is up in the Seattle area, I'm damn sure going to stop by if I'm up there. I'm kinda curious to see how different Wu-man's CSCI classes are gonna be from mine... the content and teaching style and all. It'll be interesting. Anyways, figure some shit out to do. I hate losing my taxicab of thought. Fuck off, you bastards screwed up my rhythm. Grr.

2004-08-05T22:28:00.000-07:00

Please send all questions and comments on this blog post to my NEW and IMPROVED e-mail address from hotmail: Shmee51@hotmail.com.

Well I've finished digging the trench for the conduit we're going to run out to my future apartment on our property for the DSL line and my parents decided I'd need sattelite TV out there too, so that's going to be added in. So, in case you've been wondering why I seemed to wander off the cuff of reality and disappear into the great black chasm of solitude like a hermit snagged away from even my computer... that's why. Anyways I took some pictures of the finished trench and I'll put them up tomorrow but as for tonight, I have only one thing to say:

Why do I have Sarah Kelly's address and phone number?

Now I can tell it's not in my own handwriting, so it's not some crazy stalker thing that another one of my personalities concocted. Although, if I actually were a true schizo, it would be very easy for my handwriting to be somewhat girly... well, ok forget that. Anyways, I was lookin around in my desk drawer where I keep old notes and torn pieces of paper with phone numbers and such, and I came across a piece that said, "Sarah's address" with an address and phone number. I knew it wasn't boogie's number cuz she has no "h" in her Sara, so I had to do a reverse phone number lookup (hooray for your personal information being posted on the internet!).

So, now that I knew which Sarah the number and address belonged to, now the mental trek to find why I have that information began. Did I ever take her out? No. Did I ever take her to a dance? No. Did I ever pick her up and take her to a gangbang? Ok, only that one time... but I didn't pick her up from home so WHY THE FUCK DO I HAVE HER ADDRESS AND PHONE NUMBER? I wouldn't normally let this bother me but I don't remember EVER RECEIVING HER NUMBER AND ADDRESS! Jesus this is driving me insane.

Well, I am seriously exhausted from all the fucking digging I did (you'll see the pics soon enough... no not those pics, the ones of me digging the trench you sick fuck) so I think ima be at my chair for the next few days. Except for poker. Or if randomly somebody who I give a shit about enough to drive to calls or messages me to go do whatever. Ok, just cancel me being too tired to do stuff, and just know that I'm fucking tired. Jesus you people are too critical. Well I'm off to go back to play more video games, so for the time being, go away.

And by the way, is anyone else scared by the fact that I yell at an invisible audience for criticizing me before they even read this post? Oh well.

2004-07-30T01:34:00.000-07:00

Please send all questions and comments on this blog post to my NEW and IMPROVED e-mail address from hotmail: Shmee51@hotmail.com.

Well for whatever reason, I have another migraine and can't sleep, but a certain subject about women keeps coming up in my head, so I figure I'd post about it. Now, know that the reason why I can't sleep is only tied to the thoughts about women because my brain can't fucking rest and shut down when I can't stop thinking, so it's not some grave subject that pesters me to insomia night after night while my eyelids grow like pillows and my room grows into a wasteland of soda cans and partially empty dishes, winding down the days to my return to a learning institution which lures my id into making horrible mistake after mistake while my psyche drains into a nightmare that would make Freud squirm in a depressionistic writhing sickness of which simply hearing the agonizing moans would drive a man to a point beyond insanity into a realm where the only other creatures are none other than the five horsemen of the apocalypse (pestilence, war, famine, death, and Bill O'Reily) which seems to be the one and only reason I can see that anyone, ANYONE, would ever vote for Jorges W. Bush. And I bet you thought I was a cynic before!

Anyways, the thought that keeps me up at the moment goes back to my campaign to end female stupidity and misandrism. It's come back to me again and again that many women go out on dates simply for the free food and such, and are often angered when they are expected to pitch in. Now, I don't really care if somebody wants to pay for a date. I actually think that, in general, the man should be paying for the date. Not because he's the man, but because it's likely that he was the one who asked the other out on the date in the first place. And really, whoever asks should be on the paying end. Anyways, I think the main reason why this thought popped up into my head is that the fact that women believe that they're still being oppressed was amplified earlier when I was listening to John Kerry speak at the DNC. Both of my parents were into the room, and when Kerry said something to the tune of "coming a long way for women's rights" my mother added in "yeah and we've still got a long way to go."

Now, lots of women seem to entertain the idea that -

ok, this is something I've said many times, however every time I do a post somebody mentions that I'm stereotyping if I say "women do this" or "men do that" or "jesus was a mexican", but when I typed that line above, I initially had types "Now, women ...", and had to go back and insert "lots of". As of right now, fuck all of you simple minded pricks who can't understand that I make generalizations not to stereotype negatively, but to explain a common trait. Yes, saying "teens are bad drivers" or "lots of arabs are named Muhammad" may be stereotypes, but when it's true, WHAT THE FUCK DOES IT MATTER? Back onto my blog:

Now, women seem to entertain the idea that, simply because they do not hold all positions of power and get 100% equality with no questions asked, they're still being oppressed. Usually this is tagteamed with the rediculous idea that all of the old patriarchal benefits that women received (and yes, women did receive LOTS of benefits when they were being oh so "oppressed") should be retained. This pertains to my thoughts on dates and payments because often progressive women who believe in 'equality' of sexes believe that a man should pay for the date, or hold the door for her, or refrain from using swear words around her. These thoughts then led to thoughts about how men and women view dating differently. When I say dating I mean a few of the first, not a long continued string between the same two people.

Men view dating like so: I want pussy. Hmm, how can I get it? This chick seems mildly interested in me, maybe if I buy her some shit and act real nice she'll give me some pussy.

Women view dating in two different ways:
1: This guy seems nice, maybe I can figure him out and see if he can be the type of guy I can get into a (long) committed relationship with.

2: I already know I have no interest in this guy, so maybe I can get some free shit while he still thinks he can get some pussy.

If you disagree with the second view, I want you to think hard about your guy friends that you have right now. I know everyone has at least one guy friend who's sought after one chick for so long that she's just taken his interest as a sign of weakness to get shit from him. Angie, for once, this ISN'T you. ;) . Try to picture a guy who's taken a girl out to movies many times "just as friends." Honestly, men don't want girlfriends. Correction: Straight men don't want girlfriends. I know it can feel great to be in love, but in the end men want their time around a girl to be very limited. This is more attributed to how women take advantage of a man in a relationship, but often is simply the cause of time. I've known three women in my lifetime who I'd thought would have made good girlfriends for me. Who would have been somewhat compatible with my sick and twisted sense of humor yet intelligent enough to see me for me and not the images people make me out to be. Unfortunately for me, one is older and unavailable, one I've been unsuccessful at continuing contact with since I left high school, and one who's turned into a complete whore. Well, not a complete whore, but enough of a whore for me to be uncomfortable with. Actually in all honesty she's sorta been a whore all along. Okay, make that two women who would have made good girlfriends.

Unfortunately for me, I'm starting to believe that I'm going to have to find a gamer girl nymphomaniac who's just a tiny bit of a druggie and who won't try to bullshit me in a relationship. Yeah, yeah, Kyrie, I already know that I fucked that up. So I guess I need to find ANOTHER one. The good news is that in my field, it'd be a good place to look. Hopefully I'll be able to catch everybody off guard and come out on top when the world starts to move on. Maybe, maybe not. Only time will tell.

I guess the whole point I'm leading up to is... well... I'm just too goddamned lazy, so somebody else is going to have to do all the work.

2004-07-21T23:20:00.000-07:00

If you have questions, comments, feedback, funny stories, jokes, links, midget pictures, nude pictures (women only), Germany or Florida's, or any Psychological theories that I may find interesting, send all e-mails to Shmee@yourmom.com.

I wanted to make a post about both underratedismnessity and overratingerinaginderism about a week ago, but I'm lazy so I played video games and jacked off instead. Now that I've sufficiently done both for the time being, I want to talk about the stupidity of popular opinion.

First off, never, and I mean NEVER, listen to critics. Of any kind. They don't know what the fuck you like, they only know what THEY like. And who cares what they like? There are people who loved the third Matrix movie and some who didn't. There are people who love drama, and there are men. There are people that love Michael Bolton, and then there are people who aren't gay. What I'm saying is that everyone is different, and that listening to somebody else's opinion is a horrible way to make decisions.

The reason why I'm outwordly hating critics is because I saw The Butterfly Effect. Now, when it was in theaters, I didn't see it because not only did it get horrible reviews by critics, but my friends told me that Ashton Kutcher ruined the movie because he can't act. Fast forward 6 months or so and I'm at home watching it on DVD. Now, I thoroughly enjoyed the movie and at least thought Mr. Kutcher was decent. In that light, I thought of making a list of movies that were given horrible reviews and I thought were actually good or better. Then I realized that there are so many damn things that were ruined publically by shitty critics that I don't have enough time on this planet to list all the underrated things. Then I realized that instead of bitching about the past, I should warn about the future.

However, I'm not just against shitty critics who underrate good movies; I'm against critics who overrate shitty movies as well. Think the first LOTR movie, Zoolander, Passion of the Christ, The Hulk, etc etc. So, as I seem to have some uncanny ability to judge movies before I see them, I think I'll share my gift with the world by warning people of the upcoming good, bad, and mediocre.

First off, in the theater:

I,Robot: Great action scenes, better than decent story, however extremely loose base on the actual Isaac Asimov book(s).

Anchorman: A few cheap laughs, nothing great, will leave you with thoughts of "was there a story?"

Catwoman: Decent fight scenes, shitty regurgitated story of a killed person who comes back with special powers to seek revenge on those who wronged them.

The Bourne Supremacy: Good and realistic action sequences, however poorly thrown together and a moderately unorganized plot. Also, will have a serious lack of story, except for "Dude, I told you to leave me alone! Now you die!"

The Manchurian Cantidate: Denzel will, as always, deliver a great performance, but the weird conspiricy theory fanatics will be the only people who don't get bored with the lack of progression in story.

Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle: Lots of hilarious cameos, great stoner movie.

Colateral: "Where's the fucking story?"

The Villiage: Signs with "aliens" exchanged with "those who live beyond the border" and "earth" exchanged with "the villiage". All kidding aside, I think that The Villiage will be really good in a creepy M. Night Shaymalanahmyharnamamananana-rama-lama-ding-dong sorta way, and while may seem like Signs all over again, it won't be.

Now, in the video stores:

13, Going on 30: Get the fuck out of here. Seriously, get off my website.

Hellboy: Think "retarded alien A-Team". Actually don't, because a retarded alien A-Team would be pretty good.

Hidalgo: Hey, remember when it was in theaters? That was 18 seconds ago, and there's a reason as to why.

Well, I looked through the upcoming new releases to a video store and those are the only ones worth even reviewing. Anyways, I don't give a shit enough to keep going with the whole sharade, so I'm going to reiterate what I said in the beginning. Everyone's tastes are different, so why the fuck are you going to listen to a critic rather than watch a trailer and make your own decisions.

2004-07-15T11:02:00.000-07:00

2004-07-10T17:41:00.000-07:00

2004-06-14T00:40:00.000-07:00

If you have questions, comments, feedback, funny stories, jokes, links, midget pictures, nude pictures (women only), Germany or Florida's, or any Psychological theories that I may find interesting, send all e-mails to Shmee@yourmom.com.

There's a good chance that this will be my last meaningful blog for at least 6 months or so, so I'm going to do my best to make it count. As all my friends know (and no I'm not excluding non-seniors), I and many of my friends are about to embark on our own ways to college or whatever future we've done our best to take the general heading of. The sad part is that of all my really good friends, my plans are very likely to keep me from seeing them hardly at all. Jake's going to New Mex, Angie's going to UW, Wu-man's joining Angie at the UW, but it sounds like they'll never really see each other. Tyson's staying in hi-skool for another year, as well as Thomas Chen. Ryan Gus is going... somewhere, I think. Where the hell is he going? Basically, to sum up everyone I've come to know over the past 4 years, there's a very high chance I won't see them again after the summer is gone.

A lot of people are having a hard time coping with this fact, and I am no different. Nobody wants to lose all their friends. Nobody wants to lose ONE friend! It's a real shame, but the fact is that the reason why you were friends is because you were having good times while together. I can't promise that I'll never forget anything, but something tells me that Angie will stick in my mind as the guy who ganged up with me against Jake at... umm... everything. Wu-man will stick in my mind as the calmly quiet genius with a huge knack for playing the violin. Gus will ALWAYS remind me of Farva! Tyson will always be the one who took all my nub Magic shit and let me stay and play at his house well beyond the time that I should have gone home. Boogie will always remind me of making jokes and laughing at classes that were too boring. I'll think of Leigh when I see anime, because she's so good at drawing in that particular style. Every time I go to a LAN or play DDR I'll think of Mikey and David. Every time I see someone baked outta their mind I'll think of Goree and Drew and Will. Every time I see someone totally wasted I'll think of Nick. Every time I see someone pimping the nerdy way and being goddamn hilarious I'll think of Zach. Every time something dirty pops out of a jumble of words because of my viewpoint I'll think of Carla (Keep Your Lubricated!). Kyrie will stick in my mind as the one girl who was willing to put up with my shit for at least a few weeks. Josh will stick in my mind as the kid who ran around making half orgasm / half humping grunt sounds at a freakishly high pitch. Every exhibitionist girl I see will remind me of Danielle. Every guy who head-fakes idiocy but astounds eveyone with something of genuine ingenuity will remind me of Watts. Any time anyone asks a completely retarded question I'll think of Jessie. Every time either a girl strips because she's drank too much or I throw something down a girl's shirt I'll think of Abbie. Sears will stick in my mind as a fantastic guitar player. As will JT. If I see either a turtle or a humorously anti-social satirist I'll think of T-Chizzle. Any time somebody mentions Montana or Idaho I'll probably think of Comf. Every time I see something related to biking I'll think of Ken. Every time somebody throws up on me I'll think of Ed. And last but not least, if I ever see people ganging up on another person, if I ever receive muffins from somebody, or if I ever play ping pong, ligretto, chabla, ultimate WAR, real ultimate WAR, Monopoly, or Super Monkey Ball, I'll think of Jake.

So as some people have hard times coming to grips with the fact that they're going to be losing a large portion of their good friends, I want you to know that it wasn't all a waste. Remember that the point of life is NOT to acquire the most friends, but to create the best friendships. Choose quality over quantity. And know that losing a friend doesn't null and void the fact that you had great times, NOBODY can take that from you. Know that you are only alone if you force yourself to be, and that friends come from all places, so moving doesn't take away your ability to have friends. Also, don't think of making new friends as replacing your old ones. For the rest of my life there's a great chance that I'll think of Angie, Jake, and Wu-man as my best friends. Whether I ever see them again or not, I'll think of them the same way. So when I make new friends, they're not replacements for my old friends. NOBODY can replace any of my friends. Sometimes you need to move on and cherish the past while you live into the future. You can't allow yourself to wallow in sorrow of friends who you've been parted from. If that were true everyone would commit suicide before they hit 30. Depression is like an ocean with a very strong riptide. You can't allow yourself to drift out into a place where nobody but a rescue crew can save you from. So just remember that losing friends is a very sad thing, but it happens. You need to keep living life, and soon enough you'll be right back to where you were with another set of great friends to add to your list.

As for my friends whom I'll be parting with shortly, I want you all to know that I love ya and I've loved every minute I've spent with ya. I hope with all my heart that we'll see each other often, but if things turn down the other road, know that, while my brain may be able to forget, my heart and the love it holds will never fade.

2004-06-01T00:53:00.000-07:00

If you have questions, comments, feedback, funny stories, jokes, links, midget pictures, nude pictures (women only), Germany or Florida's, or any Psychological theories that I may find interesting, send all e-mails to Shmee@yourmom.com.

Well, tonight I think I'll talk about a few things that I haven't touched on before: namely Janet Jackson's nipple and shemale/transsexual/weird porno. Okay that sounded sorta weird, but whatever.

First off, it's been a long time and the entire Superbowl fiasco has died down to the point where TV and radio are just feeling the last of the niptacular repercussions. Now I'm not going to talk about artistic freedom, because that's a load of shit, and I'm not going to talk about morality in the superbowl, because that's an even bigger load of shit. I want to say one simple thing: Even if the camera were fully zoomed and slow-motioned on Janet Jackson's nipple for a good 15 seconds, it's less damaging to a child than watching someone get their shit rocked by a head-on tackle from a 250 pound linebacker. Maybe if this were during a praise-a-thon the uproar would have been justified, but between beer commercials where they blatantly use sex to advertise, pepsi commercials where they blatantly use sex to advertise, and football highlights where they blatantly use violence to attract their demographic audience, showing an 8x8 pixel nipple for a fraction of a second smaller than it takes a bee to flap its wings is NOT going to be any more damaging than the rest of the show.

There are two reasons why Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction caused such a fuss, 1. because the right-winged conservative pro-life anti-woman anti-sexual pro-christian assholes who run the country... err FCC are far too unbiased in their view on morality, and 2. because of that goddamn silver sun decorative nipple thing.

Anyways, on to the other forementioned topic: some of the stranger categories of porn. Now, if you want to dress up like a woman (no, if you're a man dipshit) or piss on your sexual partner, then fine, it's your business. However, I'm getting pretty goddamn sick and tired of surfing for some hot girl-girl pron or the newest Britney Spears's nipple slip pictures and having shemale/transexual/shitting/pissing/gay/8 guys on 1 girl/mature porno pop up onto my screen. Why the fuck is that weird ass nasty porno the ONLY type that pops up with giant pictures on that exact page? You'll never be surfing for 18 year olds and have 2 hot 20 year old lesbians pop up onto the screen, it's inevitable that they'll always be 400 pounds or 80 years old or have giant dicks or some other nasty fucking thing. Please, if you organize any sort of porno TGP website involving popups, dump all the nasty shit and just get more hot pron! Pleeeeaaaaasssseeeee!

Who actually enjoys these popups? I mean, it's a form of advertising, but that means that, because there are so many, they must be at least a little successful. So who the fuck has tranny popups come up and then immediately goes from straight hardcore teen porn to said nasty shit? If you enjoy transexual, gay (if you're "straight"), crossdressing, shitting, pissing, mature, abusive, dominance, or porn involving a higher guy:girl ratio than 2, kill yourself, kill yourself, kill yourself now.

Oh yeah, and I think that those britney spears nipple slip pictures in the above link are fake. Sorry, guys.

2004-05-29T17:39:00.000-07:00

If you have questions, comments, feedback, funny stories, jokes, links, midget pictures, nude pictures (women only), Germany or Florida's, or any Psychological theories that I may find interesting, send all e-mails to Shmee@yourmom.com.

Well more sexist bullshit from a supposedly "fair" system of punishment, this time coming from Albuquerque, New Mexico. (see: http://www.kirotv.com/education/3352059/detail.html )

It's a very short article, but it proves just how sexist things of the punishment sort are to men. In case you didn't read the 9-line story, a male high school sophomore was suspended for two educational weeks (10 days) for filming 2 girls in a "Girls Gone Wild" spoof while on campus. Now this punishment isn't as bad as many many others, but more a case of "guilty until proven innocent" that minors have to endure. The school administrators said that they haven't seen the video, so they don't know whether or not they will suspend the two girls involved, but police reported that they will not press charges against the boy because the girls consented to being filmed. So, to sum up, the guy involved, who filmed the spoof, was immediately given two weeks' suspension, as well as handed over to police before the girls were even questioned, or the video viewed by officials. Then, the girls were neither suspended nor arrested, and went on their happy way in the school.

Okay, I understand suspending a person for filming two girls nude on school grounds, but the language surrounding the tape is so vague that the spoof could have included no nudity at all, meaning that the guy involved was arrested and suspended just based on the facts that some idiot in the school's faculty tagged the words "Girls Gone Wild" to explain the tape. On the other hand, there could have been nudity, but let me pose a question: which is worse... flashing on a school campus or being the bystander with a camera? Now, because I have a mindset that isn't afraid of the human body, I would say that neither are bad. However, if I had to choose one, I'd say that flashing is worse, because of the four situations (nude/tape, not-nude/tape, nude/no-tape, not-nude/no-tape) the only "wrongdoing" is the nudity in school, and having a camera doesn't matter. Now I don't really care whether or not all of the students get punished or not, the thing that aggravates me is that the guy is immediately perceived as some kind of ringleader, forcing the girls to take their clothes off.

In that light, I want to pose another question which I've posed in previous blog posts... why are women regarded as "oppressed" in our culture, yet if anything bad happens the men on the scene are the ones who catch all the flak? I know I sound like a broken record but people need to get this into their heads. I feel a need to stop this because I forsee a society where men are completely regarded as useless and only used for breeding purposes because bitchy women and guilty ignorant men have pushed the idea that women are better to the point where the world believes it.

I want to relate something, because it's something that most people don't believe, but it proves a good point between any two groups of people. In South Africa, back in the day when all that apartheid shit was happening, a few asshole white guys were completely fucking over all of the black population. Now, there were some white farmers and such living the South Africa, but they didn't catch any shit from the white government. For the most part, the white guys just held down all the black people, made them live in shitty places with no freedom and no money. Then, some black leaders sparked a revolution, and for a while it was good. A very, very short while. Black people were in power, and the few white assholes were driven out of the country, or killed. Unfortunately, the black population, who had created a revolution in the name of peace and equality, didn't want peace and equality; they wanted power. From then on, the black government sought out and harassed, beat, and murdered the white farmers and inhabitants in South Africa. Their farms would be burned to the ground, wives raped, children murdered, much like the conditions that the previous white government had forced upon the black population. But, because of their guilt and idiocy, the rich white people saw the new black government as "peaceful" and "righteous".

My point is that peace and equality mean just that. And in my opinion, the only way to achieve peace is through equality. By that I DON'T mean that everyone must have equal wealth (or poverty) and social standing, but that everyone must be thought of as equal. As long as cocksucker organizations like the KKK, the New Black Panthers, or any female supremacy group exist, we will never have peace. War is not created by testosterone, estrogen, black people, white people, or difference in economic and social status; it is created when we believe that any of those things listed above create war.

Now, I was going to stop my blog there, but in looking for an actual organization for female supremacy, I found this: ( http://www.powerproductions.org/femalesupremacy/mspower.html )

Now, first I'd like to dissect the creator of that website psychologically. I, right now, would bet $100 that she was sexually abused by her father and/or another relative. Then, that her father was an alcoholic, and that he was not around much if at all during her childhood. How can I make that bet? Loveline. Pure and simple. 10:00 PM - midnight Sunday through Thursday on 94.7 KNRK. Listen in sometime. That is what would breed the hatred of men, need to dominate, as well as the sexual disfunction which would let her derive pleasure from being a Mistress.

Secondly, as a short and simple warning, while some of the "facts" on that website are true, the rest is complete bullshit rhetoric. She refers to men as sub-human, and uses the words "train" (like you would train a dog) and "testosterone poisoning" frequently. Take the time now to discard any serious thoughts which that website has sparked.

Okay, now I'm not going to bother arguing any of that "men are pigs, women are better, yet I'm not sexist" bullshit. Why? Because it's bullshit. What I am going to argue are the "facts" that she posts on her website.

"In men, high levels of endogenous testosterone (T) seem to encourage behavior apparently intended to dominate -- to enhance one's status over -- other people. Sometimes dominant behavior is aggressive, its apparent intent being to inflict harm on another person"
"unedited penultimate draft of: Mazur, A., & Booth, A. (19XX). Testosterone and dominance in men. Behavioral and Brain Sciences, http://cogprints.ecs.soton.ac.uk/bbs/Archive/bbs.mazur.html"

This is entirely true, testosterone does usually spark aggressive behavior. However, the website uses this like it's a male-only attribute... but wait! Let's look back over this woman's website...

"I think of some males as my pets others as feral animals that have not the capacity to be of the level I am"

"evidence of inadequacies males tend to have"

"I am pleased when males accept this knowledge of their "poisoning" and are willing to work on this deficit"

"Educational growth, spiritual growth and healing are done by worship of the "Goddess" in every woman, detoxification, learning assignments, training ... behavior modifications and advanced spiritual awareness "

"The males that have accepted their inadequacies"

"I consider most "men", male species. Closer to primates, if I must."

"Most males are testosterone driven animals"

"I believe most male species are extremely lazy of the mind or incapable of learning this knowledge"

"In my opinion, even dogs are superior over human male species, because they are more loyal and can be trained easier."

Hmm... looks like "behavior apparently intended to dominate -- to enhance one's status over -- other people" isn't nearly a male-only thing. Onto the next "fact":

"TESTOSTERONE POISONING: ... 'Until now it has been thought that the level of testosterone in men is normal simply because they have it. But if you consider how abnormal their behavior is, then you are led to the hypothesis that almost all men are suffering from 'testosterone poisoning."
"From A Feminist Dictionary", ed. Kramarae and Treichler, Pandora Press, 1985"

Maybe almost all women are suffering from "estrogen poisoning", which causes them to have a superiority complex, truly believing that they're better, and that anything using testosterone is sub-human. Who the fuck are these feminists to come off like they're hormone therapists, having all knowledge of what testosterone does and how much a healthy person should have? If they want to look at this in a hormonal science view, they need to understand that ALL science experiments and observations must be completely UNBIASED. Gee, a bunch of feminists talking about how testosterone is the devil and that males exhibit abnormal behavior because of it? That doesn't seem one bit biased to me! (Mostly because I'm a bitch female supremacist retard!)

Next "fact":

"T is the primary androgen, a class of steroid hormones that develop and maintain masculine features. Although T is made in the adrenal cortex and ovary of females, it is produced in far greater amounts by the Leydig cells of the testis. T in men is secreted into the bloodstream in spurts, so measured levels can change considerably within a few minutes. The hormone has a circadian rhythm in both sexes, highest and most variable in the morning, lower and more stable during the afternoon (Dabbs 1990)."

And your point is? The reason why we have many hormones is so that we can put them to use the instant we need to. Estrogen and testosterone are dual-use however. They can stimulate long term growth and stability when constantly affecting our bodies, and they can stimulate reactions from other hormones, as well as act as a catalyst for those hormones when we need them. Just imagine how fucked up life would be if seretonin, adrenalin, and insulin were unable to be released by our bodies when it needed them. Hint: We'd be dead! Insulin is needed to properly maintain blood-glucose levels, without it we'd either have a heart attack or suffer from organ failure due to hyperglycemia or hypoglycemia. If we couldn't use seretonin when needed, orgasms would have little or no effect, brain nerve stimulation would come to a screeching hault, and we'd most likely end up depressed during our waking hours and comatose all other times. As for adrenalin, every time that your defensive system kicks in, a large rush of adrenalin pumps into your bloodstream so that you have either the strength to fight or the endurance to run like hell. Every time you break a bone or receive some wound, adrenalin kicks in to keep you conscious, allowing you so save yourself if need be, or avoid serious injuries that are caused by unconsciousness. And every time you're doing anything physically stressful, adrenalin is secreted in such a way that your body can benefit infinitely more from the exercise. And, guess what two hormones are released in both sexes to stimulate or catalyze adrenalin, seretonin, and insulin! That's right! Estrogen AND Testosterone!

Next "fact"

"In men, testosterone is almost entirely produced in the testes. In women, where production is about one-tenth the total of males, ½ comes from the ovaries and ½ comes from the adrenal gland or conversion in the tissues."
"The Testosterone Syndrome" Eugene Shippen, M.D. and William Fryer, Published by M. Evans and Company, 1998 http://shippen.2kweb.net/

Yeah? And? So? What? In males, where estrogen production is about 1/10 that of females, roughly half comes from the adrenal gland and half comes from the testes. In women, guess where almost all the estrogen is produced! Both sexes need estrogen and testosterone, and since men have different reproductive systems we need more testosterone, and since women have different reproductive systems, they need more estrogen. There is no "purity" to estrogen, nor "corruption" to testosterone. Want to hear something funny? In a few recent studies, medical associations have found that women who are anti-male (like the woman running the above satirized website) usually have MUCH larger amounts of testosterone than normal, healthy women.

Now, just to piss off the ignorant feminists who managed to read past where I proved them wrong, rather than turning away and calling me a misogynist, I want to point out one last thing. In the womb, we all start out as women. This is why, for men, in the area between the scrotum and anus (a.k.a. the "taint") is very fleshy and feels like there could have been something *different* there (Hint: a vagina). Men, sometime during their incubation, evolve past the female form and the place between their legs seals off, the would-be clitoris grows and descends, and roughly 12 years later the would-be ovaries descend into the scrotum to form the pleasant never-boring toy I endearingly call the "ballsack". So, as much as I know you women hate to hear this, from a scientific standpoint, women are unevolved men. They failed to evolve past the last step where the female-fetus transforms to a male-fetus, and thus are scientifically simpler.

Isn't it funny how simple the honest explaination is? No emotional, psychological, chemical, or astrological part to the true answer to "Are men or women better?" Honestly neither are better, especially because both are so fucked up as to make crazy ass rape/domination porno movies and/or be exceedingly dominant towards the opposite sex. So all you "feminists" out there, if you're a female supremacist, just fucking admit it. Don't bullshit me about how men are inferior and how you're still being oppressed. Oh and one more thing: get me a beer, cook me a batch of brownies, and come polish my knob before the game starts.

2004-05-22T22:56:00.000-07:00

If you have questions, comments, feedback, funny stories, jokes, links, midget pictures, nude pictures (women only), Germany or Florida's, or any Psychological theories that I may find interesting, send all e-mails to Shmee@yourmom.com.

Alright. As any of you who know me in person... which I'm assuming describes all of the audience of this blog... anyways, as any of you may know, last week I basically got involved arguing a quite retarded thing about the probability of drawing things in a deck of cards when there is a gap between the cards that you draw. I understand that my calculations were wrong, and I now realized that I shouldn't have taken a mathematical argument. I understand that for any set deck of cards you can calculate a probability that the certains cards you draw will be a certain thing, and that the number of cards that exist between your drawings shouldn't effect your probability of drawing said certain cards.

In that light, and the only reason I'm putting this on a new line is because I want to emphasize it, I was wrong.

The problem I have is with statistics in general, and only because I was trying to argue stupid calculations did I miss my chance to explain my actual argument. My argument is with the fact that statistics is supposedly the area of math designed to calculate probabilities of randomness. Whether it be chance of error, chance of success, or any chance with a random factor in it, there are probabilities that can be calculated. However, with real life applications, like card dealing, the randomosity of drawing cards is somewhat nullified by the fact that not knowing what a certain card is DOES NOT change what it is. Therefore the math calculations are still correct, but the explaination is poor. Statistics with situations like this need to be explained in terms of destiny. Nobody seems to understand what I mean by this, but read on and try to be open-minded.

If you're playing cards with some group of an unknown number of people, the chance of drawing a pair of a specific card type WILL NOT change with the number of people playing, unless that number exceeds 26, because then not everyone can be dealt 2 cards and there's a problem. However, the explaination I was given was a poor one. Basically the explaination went as such... if you're dealt an Ace (or any card, really), the cards dealt out still count as a whole because you can still sort of draw any card from that pile. Now, to me, this makes absolutely no fucking sense. That's like saying that if you're dealt an Ace, and fifty cards are dealt to 25 players, there's no chance that it is impossible for you to receive another Ace. However, you need to explain the situation by way of destiny, as follows.

If you're dealt an Ace, the number of other players doesn't matter because the card which you're depending upon changes. If there are three other players, you're finding the probability that the fifth card will be an ace (one for yourself, then three for the other players, then the fifth again for yourself). In that respect, it doesn't matter how many players are dealt cards because the cards can be in any order of 51 with one Ace removed. That means that your ace, the one which you're trying to draw, cannot be anywhere, but must be the card in the deck that you will draw, wherever that may be. You don't treat the deck as one entity of 51 because there is a certain number of cards that you can't be dealt, but it doesn't matter because you were either destined to draw or not draw your card. Then, in reality, you ARE NOT finding the probability that an Ace is the card that you draw. Really, you're finding the probability that the card you draw will be an ace. If you know how many people are playing, you already know what card you're going to draw, you just don't know what that card is.

Now I guess you may have lost my point somewhere in that explaination, so I'll recap... Statistics is supposedly the math to find probabilities in randomness, when really it's finding the probability that whatever you're destined to get or do will be a certain thing. There is no randomness about it. I guess this may be me and my fatalism, but I don't see randomness in the chance that something you can't change will be a specific thing.

And with that, I end this argument.

As for Jake's (http://philoponia.blogspot.com/) criticism of my criticism of conservative economic theory, ehh what? I didn't say that liberal economic theory does work, I said that conservative economic theory doesn't. You can also slap whatever tag instead of "liberal" and "conservative", but it still means the same thing. In a Utopian society, a combonation of both would work best. As for using Pluto's idealism for our economic theory, that makes about as much sense to me as using an abacus to do calculus work. I understand that societies are all basically similar, but only a complete fucking retard would model current political theories off of a philosopher from a two thousand year dead society.

As for my criticism of conservative and liberal economic theory, maybe I didn't get this across so I'll explain it a little better. In America right now, neither will work for two reasons: stupidity and greed. Conservative theory doesn't work because the company CEO's don't give a shit about the people as long as they're rich, and hence the entire "trickle-down" system gets cut off. The liberal economic theory works just as little because giving the idiots all the tax breaks means that they'll just do what their corporate masters bid them to and the same end will result.

As for Reagan and Reaganomics, I don't want to argue whether or not Reaganomics worked. We know it sucked and then when the companies realized that they were fucking the country they pitched in a bit. My problem with Reagan is that all of the restrictions on big industries were entirely lifted with Reaganomics. This is why back in the 70s the average car got 30 miles to the gallon. The car companies had to have an average fuel rate, by cars sold, mind you, of roughly 27 MPG. Reagan dumped that, and basically handed the industry to the oil-mongers. We can all thank Reagan for the *great* cars currently getting 50 MPG... less than the good cars in the 70s, which got 60 MPG... and for the fact that the average car sold in the US gets roughly 14 MPG.

And while we're talking about petroleum products, I don't want to hear one fucking word from anyone bitching about OPEC. Currently in Texas there are oil reserves that total roughly 1/10 that in the middle east... enough for the US to live mostly on domestic petrol for many many years. Do you know what the production rate of those oil derricks are? Close enough to zero for OPEC to continue to have a grasp on our collective balls. It would be easy for Bush and Cheney to call their friends at Halliburton and tell them to start up Texan oil production, and we'd be back at getting gas for $1.20 per gallon... the price of gas when Clinton left office.

2004-05-20T22:27:00.000-07:00

If you have questions, comments, feedback, funny stories, jokes, links, midget pictures, nude pictures (women only), Germany or Florida's, or any Psychological theories that I may find interesting, send all e-mails to Shmee@yourmom.com.

All right... I'm a bit pissed. I've been reading some NSWF News (http://www.nsfwnews.com/), which is a pretty good source for some off-the-wall as well as some humorous or controversial news... and I'm just amazed at American stupidity.

First off I want to talk about the "rape" of the 16-year-old at Corona Del Mar in Orange County, CA.

Read: http://www.latimes.com/news/custom/showcase/la-me-questions19may19.story.

From this article arise two things that really piss me off. First off, I understand why statutory rape laws can be a good thing, but is it really necessary to arrest a high school senior for fucking a high school sophomore? Well what if the girl is the one who starts it? You guessed it... according to the three defendants' defense and the "victim's" testimony, THE 16-YEAR-OLD GIRL ORCHESTRATED THE ENTIRE THING. She set up the three guys, she set up that it was to be taped, and she set up that she'd be gettin down with everyone in the room. The girl wanted to be a pornstar, and so just because the guys were going for some easy pussy they're being tried for rape? WHAT THE FUCK? This is like indicting a person for grand theft auto when someone else gives that person their car.

Secondly, if you bothered reading the article (or at least the first few paragraphs), you'll know that each to-be jurors was given a survey of 122 questions, of which approximately 6 were whether or not the juror has viewed pornographic video tapes, has ever or does now own or use a sex toy, and whether or not that juror is "sexually adventurous." Three words: INVASION OF PRIVACY. I can guarantee that whether or not I had ever seen a porn tape or used a sex toy or led a sexually adventurous life, I'd still acquit the defendants. Why is all the power for anything sex-related given to women, yet all the responsibility given to men? Why do women get such special treatment in sex crimes? And last, but not least, why the fuck isn't the rape "victim" being charged with conspiracy to commit a felony or entrapment?

If someone's guilty of something, then charge them and convict them. If it's rape, should it matter if it was a man raping a woman or a woman raping a man? On top of that, why is it that in most states, including Washington AND Oregon, women, by definition, cannot commit rape? I really hate these guilty white male lawmakers who are fucking everything up by basically reversing the old racism and sexism so that it targets the white males instead of everyone else. If you want to get rid of racism, great. If you want to get rid of sexism, great, but you're not really getting rid of it if you make the new laws completely one-sided, are you? And as for shit like race quotas and affirmative action, do you not realize that REQUIRING a certain number of Black/Hispanic/Asian people in any business is no less racist than banning Black/Hispanic/Asian people from working in that same business? After all, in this country, all non-white-males can make fun of the pig crackers as much as they want, but calling someone a cunt or a nigger or a wetback or a slanteye is racist? Fuck you.

Secondly I want to talk about the whole Nick Berg thing. By now everyone has to know about this, but you may not recognize the name. Nick Berg was the American civil service worker who was working in Iraq, got captured, and was beheaded by his al-Qaeda captors. Since then the tape showing Berg's throat being slit and then after beheading has been the newest American craze since the Paris Hilton video. Teachers and DeeJays around the country have been under fire for showing the tape and/or playing the full audio to students and listeners. Recently KNRK Portland DeeJays Tiny and Marconi played Nick Berg's beheading audio while they laughed and made jokes, and directly afterword were fired, along with their producer Nicky J.

Now to pause and explain my interesting position for a minute, I want to explain something. Since I was, oh maybe 10 years of age, I've been hearing all about how violent music and video games and movies are, and how that violence is polluting my mind. I ignored it because I knew it was a load of bullshit passed by assholes who wanted to outlaw rock music and video games. But now, the hipocrisy of those people amazes me. As soon as I first heard about Nick Berg being killed on tape, my first exact thought as I watched Nick Berg standing, then pushed down to the ground on my TV was, "I really really really don't want to see a person's head cut off; I'm leaving." Since then, I have no interest at all in ever seeing the video, hearing the audio, or even listening to a description of the scene surrounding his death.

Yet all around me people are claiming that people should view his death because it will bring me some new understanding. What the fuck are you talking about? Knowing what happened is enough to get the point across that he was brutally murdered. I don't need full surround sound with 3-D glasses and a tub of popcorn to get what happened. I also don't need the sick feeling of watching a snuff video because I know that directly afterword they'll show something regarding an eagle and/or the American flag while they play some patriotic song and then move on to how horrible of a presidential cantidate John Kerry is because he threw (or did he? [gasp!]) some medals received during the Vietnam War. Then they'll play another anti-PUD-buying-PGE commercial to entrance me into believing that somehow PUD will do a worse accouting job than PGE does (irony hint: PGE = Enron subsidiary).

I guess I'm trying to say two things:

1. Don't let the current presidential administration fool you or misdirect your attention away from how shitty of a job they've done over the past 3 1/2 years, and how shitty of a job they'll do in the next 4 1/2 if all the morons who voted for Bush in order to receive their $200 tax cut check vote for Bush again.

2. If you didn't understand any of the irony or humor in this blog post, go back to telling people how Jesus is the answer and how they must give you (err... the church) money, and playing Led Zepplin backwards trying to convince me that it's telling me that Satan is lord. Guess what? If I have reason enough to know that a religion based off of fear and not love is obsolete and solely useful for taking advantage of stupid people, how much effect do you think telling me that my music is "Satanic" will have? That's right! None, nada, zilch, nil, fuckbeans.

2004-05-17T23:38:00.000-07:00

If you have questions, comments, feedback, funny stories, jokes, links, midget pictures, nude pictures (women only), Germany or Florida's, or any Psychological theories that I may find interesting, send all e-mails to Shmee@yourmom.com.

I'm not quite sure what the fuck is going on but I was under the impression that when the AP tests were over, that my teachers (CWP excluded because of the bullshit-laden PDP) would let me do goddamn nothing for the rest of the year. So far, the week after AP tests are officially over, I have received a 6 page essay project for English, have a test over 2 chapters out of my Physics book Friday, need to stare for 20 minutes per day at bailey's tits (and ass), and have to do my PDP, SMuT Showcase Presentation, prep for Senior Boards, and I have finals in T'ai Chi (I need to know the entire first paragraph, which is approximately 40 motions) and UNIX (all of the basic necessary commands, some basic scripts, and the goddamn piece of shit motherfucking AWK command).

W h a t t h e F U C K ? ? ?

I swear for the entire first 3/4 of the year I had a total 8 seconds of work in each class (okay, 9 1/2 seconds for Physics). It's the end of my senior year, and my AP tests are OVER. Why in the fuck do I still need to do work?

Apart from that minorly concentrated hostility, I've started to notice that everyone seems to be in a generally bitchy mood recently. Take, for example, this chick at Taco Bell. I think she heard me say "DAMN LOOK AT DEM TITTIES!" (which I say/scream when I see a nice rack), so I attempted to right the "wrong" by pretending to be a big hippie conspiracist (conspiricist?) as a joke, but to no avail. As a matter of fact, it seemed like she got even bitchier. Whatthefuck?

People seem to be losing their sense of humor, and it's all the fault of the VANSD administrative cocksuckers. Gee, why are the seniors so stressed? PDP/Senior Project/Senior Boards/SMuT Showcase. Gee, why are the teachers so bitchy? Pregnancy/PDP/Senior Boards/ED. The PDP was made because the Columbia River group of employers (CREWC) claimed that they would request a PDP in addition or in leiu of a formal application. Has even one single CREWC employer followed through with requesting a PDP with application? No. Should then, PDPs still be a requirement for High School seniors? (Me and other logical beings: "No."; VANSD Administrative cocksuckers: "YES!")

Now, onto Senior Porjects and Senior Boards. I can understand why a Senior Project would be a good idea, because most of the idiots graduating high school couldn't work out a research project if their life depended on it. However, if you're comparing the VANSD Senior Project to a college-level research project, you're an even bigger goddamn idiot. Also, unless you're completely incompetent, the VANSD people will not keep you from graduating. You could use crayon and smear shit onto a white board and speak Klingon for ten minutes and they'd call it good, because if they fail you they face legal action due to the fact that the requirement to graduate is submitted to an entirely subjective grading system. It's similar to the reason why the WASL will have such a hard time actually failing students. Basically, if you do ANYTHING, you'll get the points for dressing nicely and having something to show for, and that will pass you. So, what's the fucking point to force the high school students to buy a bunch of shit they'll throw away immediately afterword and waste a bunch of time that we could have really used to, oh, I don't know, maybe LEARN THE SHIT WE REALLY NEEDED TO KNOW FOR THE AP TESTS OR THE SHIT WE NEED TO KNOW IN THE FUTURE? It's funny how little thought the average high school student actually has on a daily basis. Most of these cretins have never had an original thought or a thought of dissent or rebellion that doesn't have a brand name or a band name behind it.

You're not a rebel if you dress in all black and talk with an English accent. You're not a rebel if you wear some stupid fuck brand name from the local mall. Most of all, you're not a rebel for what you listen to, no matter what it is. If you want to rebel from those "in power" right now, be you. Be yourself with no influence from idiotic celebrity-ism. The people making all the rules behind the scenes right now are really just trying to keep everyone fighting over Hollister and shitty punk music. The most important thing right now is that most people who are high school seniors are old enough to vote. I don't care who you want to vote for, but voting is THE most important part of our government. What makes America so great is not the Bill of Rights or the Constitution or the Senate, but the fact that we, the people, can change our government if we want to. Now, in the immortal words of the late great Bill Hicks: "I'm currently put in the odd position of being for the war but against our troops." I really think that all of the middle-Eastern countries are and have been acting like 5-year-olds for, oh, about 2500 years, and we, the adults of the world, just needed to step in and slap the shit out of them to make them understand that what they're doing is bad.

Now, in case you're pissy because you think we have no right to be in Iraq, or you just don't like my blatant sexism and satire, just go ahead and exercise your Fifth Amendment right to shut the fuck up while I exercise my First Amendment right to free expression.

Onto elections. There are a few things that just don't work. For instance, conservative economic theory, the liberal immigration stance, conservative religious policy, and liberal legislature. For the US, right now, we need to worry about two things: economic and foreign policy. Everything else can be put on the back burner and saved for 2008. Now, lots of the pro-Bush advertisements have resorted to mudslinging and pure old bullshit, while the Kerry advertisements have stayed relatively mild. This just means that, mainly because I'm tired and can't think of a good way to end this blog post, Bush is a fucktard, and Kerry is a pussy. Albeit a smart pussy, but still. What we don't need is Bush to completely give the country to the corporations. So go and get your fuckin vote on.

2004-05-13T01:13:00.000-07:00

If you have questions, comments, feedback, funny stories, jokes, links, midget pictures, nude pictures (women only), Germany or Florida's, or any Psychological theories that I may find interesting, send all e-mails to Shmee@yourmom.com.

Motherfucking ass ramming cock sucking shit slinging ass slapping tea bagging ball smacking taint streaking fart sniffing head slamming shaft shafting fucking HELL I'm tired. Just a big ball of tired. That's all my extistence currently entails. But hey, at least the food is good.

2004-05-02T02:39:00.000-07:00

If you have questions, comments, feedback, funny stories, jokes, links, midget pictures, nude pictures (women only), Germany or Florida's, or any Psychological theories that I may find interesting, send all e-mails to Shmee@yourmom.com.

Well Friday was pretty useless. In every one of my classes the teacher should have just announced, "We're not learning anything, but we won't let you study or do any of the mass of work that you are in a rush to get done, so just sit and try to stay awake while we bore you to impotence."

After school, however, Angie invited me to go out on his Waverunner. In case you didn't know, the difference between a Jet Ski and a Waverunner is size, basically. A Jet Ski is 1 person little midget rocket thingie, but a waverunner can hold 3 people... ok 3 skinny people. Angie and his dad got on, and the back end was all bug submerging, so despite the voice in my head saying "KILL MOTHERFUCKER! KILL ALL THE HEATHENS!SLIT THE THROAT AND CUT THE HEADS OFF!!!! MUST FEED ON BLOOD! EXANIMO NEMO NON! LIBERATE ME AB ANIMA CLAUSTRUM! ERIPIO ME!"

Wait... no not that voice... anyways the OTHER voice in my head said something like, "gee, Angie and his father (approximately 450-500 pounds) are just barely kept afloat... what will adding another 250 pounds do...?" So I put one foot on the waverunner and it went DOWN. It was pretty funny tho. Oh well. So Angie and I went out while his dad chilled and then his dad went out while we chilled. I drove the waverunner for a pretty good period of time and I figure for how new I was I was better than decent. Something they don't tell ya tho, the wicked acceleration on one of those things init good if ya got a bad shoulder... or if ya got a good one, cuz afterword we went and saw Man On Fire, which was a fantastic movie that only braindead Rumsfeld-ite American consumers wouldn't like (see http://philoponia.blogspot.com/), but anyways toward the end of the movie and while I was driving home my shoulder and the shoulder joint hurt like FUCK. Shame I don't keep Ibuprofen in my car as well as asprin, because if ya take the 2 together they counter-affect each other, so I didn't take any asprin as Ibuprofen would have been much better. So I drove Angie home cuz I drove him from his house to the flick, then went home and took a buncha pills.

So anyways, in reading that above blog post that included Jake's explaination I got sorta pissed at how retarded of an explaination Jake-off gave as to why he thought Man On Fire was a bad movie. If he had said it was slow to develop, fine. If he had said he would have preferred more action and less drama, fine. And to both I agree, however, he basically said that all movies are supposed to captivate, and because the movie wasn't the Jean-Claude-Van-Damme type action movie with a regurgitated storyline, gratuitous explosions, and random nudity, it didn't captivate, and therefore it wasn't a good movie.

First off, I really enjoyed the first 90 minutes of the movie. It spend 30 minutes giving a slow to progress intro that doesn't rush the plotline and transitions pefectly into the protagonist (Denzel Washington)Creese's internal struggle with alcohol, religion, and past sins. Now if you can't or don't wish to appreciate that internal struggle because you're the type of moron who thinks that the ONLY way to make a good movie is by blowing up cars and shooting in slow-motion, just shut the fuck up and never expect me to take your advice on a movie ever again. However, if that form of struggle just isn't your brand of Vodka, fine, but don't make up shitty reasons about why the movie "sucked", and then go on to compare it to one of the best films of our time.

Jake then goes on to compare Man On Fire to Braveheart, and in my head the voice comes back on saying, "I think we should analyze just why Jake didn't..." ... no, this time it was the other voice. Comparing every anything to the best is incredibly rediculous. If I say a movie is good that mean's it's either a. entertaining in the mindless-action way, b. thought-provoking in the American Beauty way, c. funny as hell in a Happy Gilmore way, or d. a mix of a b and c. If I say a movie is good I don't, however, immediately compare it to something that will most likely never be beaten. In any art form it's pointless to do that. You can't immediately compare everything to the ultimate, because in doing so you'll never be satisfied with anything other than your unbeatable-standard. If you listen to punk, does all good punk... haha, nevermind. If you're listening to RnB does... fuck that's two... okay, if you're listening to Rock, does everything need to beat AC/DC and Silverchair to be "good"? No. If you're listening to Classical, do all piano concertos need to beat Chopin? No. If you're watching porno, does everything need to beat Backdoor Sluts 9? No. Does every good painting need to be better than... okay bad example, because all painting is extremely specific to one's taste... even moreso than music, but you get my drift.

So, for anyone out there who isn't a complete retard, I reccomend Man On Fire. Denzel Washington provides an excellent performance and the story itself has some very twisted action... the Colonel might say it's finger-choppin' good! Har de har har. But it's an excellent movie. Now by excellent do I mean it's better than Braveheart, American Beauty, and the Star Wars series? No, now piss off you ignorant fucktard.

2004-04-28T20:42:00.001-07:00

If you have questions, comments, feedback, funny stories, jokes, links, midget pictures, nude pictures (women only), Germany or Florida's, or any Psychological theories that I may find interesting, send all e-mails to Shmee@yourmom.com.

The other day I was surfing on the internet during school for a "project" in my English class. We're currently reading the book Brave New World by Aldous Huxley, and in it Huxley uses many names from real famous historic persons to convey some sort of hidden message. Mrs. H, my english teacher, had a list of 8 or so characters from the book who have similar names to a historic person, and for our project we were to research one of them. She decided to take a trip down the opressive horrible personality-strickening memory lane by numbering us off in a very kindergarten-esque fashion, to which our corresponding number would choose the person who we researched in a thoughtless fashion that would please der fuhrer.

Anyways, I ended up being forced to research Karl Marx. I much rather would have researched anyone else, because I already know about Karl Marx. I know about the Communist Manifesto and how it has made Marx one of the most hated authors in all of human history because people have blamed him for communist takeovers post-WWI. I find this interesting because, in case you don't know, the only people who need to be afraid of Marxism are the oppressive upper-class. I find it funny how quick people are to accept what they're told to the point where they will express violence and/or hatred toward a person.

I want to make one thing clear: blaming Karl Marx for the unfortunate deaths caused by an uprising of the lower-class would be like blaming Einstein for the creation of the nuclear bomb, or like blaming a pathologist for HIV/AIDS, just because they wrote on the subject. Marx's Communist Manifesto did nothing else than express his ideas toward how the upper-class oppresses the lower-class, while at the same time keeping them ignorant to how fucked they really are. He simply said that it is inevitable that a capitalist society will birth a revolution into a socialist society, which happens as soon as the masses begin to realize that they don't need to be fucked by the upper 1%.

As I said earlier, it's odd how quick to anger people are, and the funny part is that those who are so quick to anger or violence are the people who really are taking it in the ass from the upper-class. Heh, that rhymed. Just look at the shit I've found about Karl Marx in the two minutes it took me to find a mock interview between some douchebag and Marx from Hell...

http://www.lewrockwell.com/wallace/wallace14.html
http://www.forerunner.com/predvestnik/X0013_Karl_Marx.html
http://members.aol.com/nickgo/kmarx.html

...and last but not least, look at this website, http://www.ltwombat.com/quotes/karl_marx.htm , which is no more than the collection of quotes that Marx started his Communist Manifesto with.

Honestly I think that the best and fastest way to bring the US back to being truly free is for a Marxist revolution. However, with our society, the upper-class has a very 1984-esque fashion of iron-fisted rule. In case you're unfamiliar with the book 1984 (by George Orwell), Winston (the protagonist who questions the government and Big Brother) ends up being tortured by the government (in the ironicly named Ministry of Love). During his torture, they admit to him that the only way for an oppressive government to falter is if the people who stand up for the oppressed end up dying as martyrs. That means that everyone must truly hate the person who acts out against the government in order for the upper-class to be able to keep fucking everyone else. I see things all the time where people jump to violence toward a person or subject without thinking, and from now on I'll always know that when that happens, it's just proof that the oppressive system is working, but not on me.

2004-04-28T20:42:00.000-07:00

If you have questions, comments, feedback, funny stories, jokes, links, midget pictures, nude pictures (women only), Germany or Florida's, or any Psychological theories that I may find interesting, send all e-mails to Shmee@yourmom.com.

The other day I was surfing on the internet during school for a "project" in my English class. We're currently reading the book Brave New World by Aldous Huxley, and in it Huxley uses many names from real famous historic persons to convey some sort of hidden message. Mrs. H, my english teacher, had a list of 8 or so characters from the book who have similar names to a historic person, and for our project we were to research one of them. She decided to take a trip down the opressive horrible personality-strickening memory lane by numbering us off in a very kindergarten-esque fashion, to which our corresponding number would choose the person who we researched in a thoughtless fashion that would please der fuhrer.

Anyways, I ended up being forced to research Karl Marx. I much rather would have researched anyone else, because I already know about Karl Marx. I know about the Communist Manifesto and how it has made Marx one of the most hated authors in all of human history because people have blamed him for communist takeovers post-WWI. I find this interesting because, in case you don't know, the only people who need to be afraid of Marxism are the oppressive upper-class. I find it funny how quick people are to accept what they're told to the point where they will express violence and/or hatred toward a person.

I want to make one thing clear: blaming Karl Marx for the unfortunate deaths caused by an uprising of the lower-class would be like blaming Einstein for the creation of the nuclear bomb, or like blaming a pathologist for HIV/AIDS, just because they wrote on the subject. Marx's Communist Manifesto did nothing else than express his ideas toward how the upper-class oppresses the lower-class, while at the same time keeping them ignorant to how fucked they really are. He simply said that it is inevitable that a capitalist society will birth a revolution into a socialist society, which happens as soon as the masses begin to realize that they don't need to be fucked by the upper 1%.

As I said earlier, it's odd how quick to anger people are, and the funny part is that those who are so quick to anger or violence are the people who really are taking it in the ass from the upper-class. Heh, that rhymed. Just look at the shit I've found about Karl Marx in the two minutes it took me to find a mock interview between some douchebag and Marx from Hell...

...and last but not least, look at this website, , which is no more than the collection of quotes that Marx started his Communist Manifesto with.

Honestly I think that the best and fastest way to bring the US back to being truly free is for a Marxist revolution. However, with our society, the upper-class has a very 1984-esque fashion of iron-fisted rule. In case you're unfamiliar with the book 1984 (by George Orwell), Winston (the protagonist who questions the government and Big Brother) ends up being tortured by the government (in the ironicly named Ministry of Love). During his torture, they admit to him that the only way for an oppressive government to falter is if the people who stand up for the oppressed end up dying as martyrs. That means that everyone must truly hate the person who acts out against the government in order for the upper-class to be able to keep fucking everyone else. I see things all the time where people jump to violence toward a person or subject without thinking, and from now on I'll always know that when that happens, it's just proof that the oppressive system is working, but not on me.

2004-04-25T17:42:00.000-07:00

If you have questions, comments, feedback, funny stories, jokes, links, midget pictures, nude pictures (women only), Germany or Florida's, or any Psychological theories that I may find interesting, send all e-mails to Shmee@yourmom.com.

THE 900 BILLION DOLLAR BLOWJOB:

Unless you're a deaf blind mute retard, you should be aware that the presidential elections are coming up within the next 8 months, and in that time you'll hear more bullshit rhetoric than in the entirety of this weblog... ehh maybe... ok definately if you watch, say, 8 hours or more of TV daily. On that note, I begin my real discussion of the 2004 elections.

Remember back in the day when Clinton was president? Unless you're an infant, you should have answered emphatically, "Yes!". And if you're a stupid dumbfucking asshole who can't understand that all politicans are somewhat morally corrupt, and the true purpose of elections is to ensure that the complete dipshits who only want to finish off their father's grudges so that they can take over an industry of which the world is heavily dependant on while they fuck over the lower and middle classes (but he saved the average American family $200 on taxes and created billions in tax breaks!) stay out of office. Yes, if you're a complete dumbass you'll need to hear me say that I'm talking about Dubya.

First off, I don't want to hear any bullshit blaming Clinton for ANYTHING that happened while Jorges II was in office. Yes, Clinton's laws of national security may have been a bit lax, but, guess what?, one of the first things George Jr. did when he was bribed into office was to get rid of nearly ALL of Clinton's national security policies. So, who can we blame for any national security breakdowns? Also, I've seen a certain commercial a few times sponsored by the 'pubs that blames Clinton for the declining economy. For this, I want to pose a serious question, DO YOU FUCKING MORONS ACTUALLY BELIEVE THAT SHIT? If you see ANY surplus/defecit vs. time graph, the defecit begins to raise dramatically with Bush I, then during Clinton's years (roughly 1992-2000) the defecit slowly but surely works up to a massive surplus. Then, when George II comes into office the surplus PLUMMETS into a gigantic record defecit.

I don't want to hear any bullshit about how Clinton was a "bad president" for getting his get got in the oval office and then getting Monica to (gasp!) lie. If you're the president I believe you should have free reign on all the blowjobs you want, and if you need someone to lie to save your marriage then sobeit. What most people don't even realize is that the real asshole in the entire Clinton/Monica case was KEN fucking STARR. The republican-sponsored asshole who fucked up nailing Clinton to the wall during Whitewater, so he starts up a new crusade because Clinton was getting his cock sucked. At that point, a CIA op should have walked up behind Ken Starr and shot him in the fucking head.

Now that I've had roughly 6 hours to intermit, I want to go onto current politics. I AM NOT going to tell you for whom to vote. I just want you to know that every commercial you see and every political word you hear is bullshit. For politics words mean NOTHING. To a politician, words are something you use to abuse the system and evade real thought and meaningful work. There's a political thing called Filibustering, which is mainly used by Senators and State Reps, that basically means to go on and on until the subject is forced to be closed due to time constraints. Basically if a senator doesn't want to take a bill to vote or express how he truly feels about a subject, he talks and talks and talks about almost relevant bullshit until the senate has to adjourn, thus disabling the chance for a vote or discussion. Now no matter what side you're on and no matter what side the politician is on, you're going to be hand-fed bullshit from both sides. I consider myself to be more liberal than conservative, but if I listen to either side it's just rhetorical bullshit. On any issue the really good answer ALWAYS, and I mean ALWAYS, lies in between the conservative and liberal answer.

Should guns be outlawed? The liberal stand: guns are only a bad thing used to kill people, therefore everyone should have guns. The conservative stand: every American has their 2nd Amendment right (which, ironically, only is effective if there is no formal armed forces branch according to the US Constitution) to bear arms, and the government shall not impede on that right. Well, they're both wrong. Yes everyone has the right to own guns, but some people shouldn't even be allowed to own dull knives. On top of that, if you want to own a beretta for home safety, fine, but do you really need to shoot every person whose shoelace even grazes across a blade of your grass with an AK-47? No. So limit who can and who can't buy guns. If you've been involved in a felony, you don't get that right. If you're crazy, you don't get that right. If you're a postal worker, you don't get that right. Etcetera.

Should oil companies be able to price gouge gasoline? The conservative stand: American corporations have the right to free enterprise and thus the federal government shall not impede on their rights to charge $0.75/gallon for something that costs them $1.00 per barrell (1 barrell = 42 gallons) to transport and/or refine. The liberal stand: oil businesses are hurting our economy by price gouging and are only widening the gap between upper and lower classes, so they should be regulated to a certain % profit. This one goes mostly to the liberals because of how much contempt I have for the oil barons. Companies like Halliburton (hail to the thief) buy barrells of gasoline for $33.60*, and doing the math for price/gallon, pay roughly $0.80 per gallon of gasoline to be brought into the states. Then add Washington State gas tax ($0.28/gallon) and you get $1.08/gallon. The current average gas price I see in Washington is roughly $2.00, which means that the gas stations are charging between 3-7 cents per gallon, because they really don't make much per gallon. That means that companies like Halliburton (hail to the thief) are getting at least $0.85 profit per gallon of gas they sell. In reality, that profit percent of only 106.25% is pretty small related to other industries, like the music industry that sells a CD that costs them a dime and a quarter to make for $12 minimum. Hooray for 2900% profit! But when you mix the gas profit of $0.85 per gallon with the Washington state weekly consumption of gas (8.4 gallons), the number of days weekly (7, dumbass), and the Washington State population (roughly 6,000,000), you can calculate that companies like Halliburton (hail to the thief) make $6,120,000 PER DAY from Washingtonians alone. If ya wanna be really sick that figure translates to $2,233,800,000 (read: Two billion, two hundred twenty three mllion, eight hundred thousand dollars) annually.

Now I don't really give a shit to keep up these arguments, so here's the jist of what I have left to say: If a presidential cantidate can't get his shit together and is relying on a team of bookworms to dig up shit on the other cantidate, don't vote for them. If a cantidate has a good economic and defense policy, vote for them. And lastly, but not least, don't waste your vote. I hate to say it, but I am voting for Kerry rather than a pencil-in or an independent. Why? Because of Ralph Nader. Yes that green party fucker. He's a large part of why Bush is in office, because he took enough votes away from Gore in 2000 to lose him some votes in the electoral college. So, as much as I wish I could vote for Howard Dean, I'm going for Kerry because he's the only person who stands a chance against Bush, and I'd rather have my right nut running the country than Bush. Haha... right nut and bush...

Anyways, please help end Bush's tyranny, and I know I'm being a hipocrit because I said earlier that I don't want to tell you for whom to vote, but voting for neither Bush nor Kerry is a waste, and voting for Bush means that when I'm King, you'll be killed.

2004-04-18T13:05:00.000-07:00

If you have questions, comments, feedback, funny stories, jokes, links, midget pictures, nude pictures (women only), Germany or Florida's, or any Psychological theories that I may find interesting, send all e-mails to Shmee@yourmom.com.

Well, my weekend, in which I'm counting Friday, sucked big fat donkey cock. Ever spent a morning stumbling down the hallway feeling 60 degrees but being 104? Then have you spent roughly 2 hours vomiting spit (because, of course, you haven't eaten or dranken... drunk... drinked... driunkednaded anything else)? THEN have you spent a whole day feeling nauseous every time you even think about doing anything other than sitting/laying down? Which, unfortunately, even included beating off. And all without the fun of a nice alcohol spree the night before!

Well, I don't wish to create a pity party, nor do I wish to commiserate. I do, however, need a tit bit of help because for the physics test I missed, I don't get the opportunity to cheat and get an 80% or better, which also means I need to do the whole of the homework for the last chapter. Fuck. Well, at least I'll have Jake-Off to help with the test too because he was gone. Fuck. Or maybe the class outside the physics room, where I'll probably end up re-taking the test, can help... but they're a half-step away from special ed. Fuck. So, I do need someone to teach me what the fuck is on the test.

Apart from that, though, I am feeling a bit better... as well as seeing new colors of things to come out of my body! Red, Orange, Dark and Light Green. Even BLUE! That was interesting! But like I said, as I don't want pity or special treatment of any kind, I'm getting off that subject.

So I got back online today, and I noticed a link from http://www.collegehumor.com/ for a new PLA update. In case you don't know, PLA (Phone Losers of America http://www.phonelosers.org/ is a funny fucking group of which the originator has a fantastic knowledge of phone systems and their uses (and abuses). They spend their free... well... I guess all their time fucking with people using cordless phones, people dumb enough to give out a RAN (Remote Access Number) over the phone, and, most importantly, people who piss them off.

So their most recent update http://www.phonelosers.org/theater.html is one where they got a RAN for a local theater by calling the receptionist (good lord and the man-Jesus how fucking stupid are these people). Comedy ensues. I strongly suggest to go download the sound clips on the page, because they're fucking hilarious.

Now, in case you're looking for some other kind of comedy, I suggest you check up on the "family values" expressed by Walt Disney Inc. http://www.wftv.com/news/3010042/detail.html. Ahh, Tigger the rapist.

And, in case you're looking for something completely freaky-fucked-up-make-ya-shit-your-pants weird, I suggest the two following links...
http://209.180.204.251/camel-spiders/index.html
-and-
http://209.180.204.251/endangered/index.html

And, in case you're wanting to make fun of a drunken idiot, see:
http://modifiedliving.com/stupidfreshman.htm

Now, before I give my last link, I want to share something. I can't quite remember how I got there, but I got to a site claiming that DEATH can be the result of over-masturbation. So, I humored myself (no, not like THAT you sick fucko) and took their "quiz" to see whether or not I was over-masturbating. The "quiz" was actually just 3 questions: Age, Masturbatory Frequency, and a Generic Health question. I answered 17 for age, and on the Generic Health Question, it was a select from a drop-down box, and since I did not have cancer, heart disease, ADD/ADHD, but was not "In Perfect Health, I chose "Good health with a few minor problems." You know, about 120 minor ones, right? :) . Anyways, the quiz claimed I was in good health, and no you're not going to find out my answer to the frequency question, but then added this:

Congratulations! Based on what you have inputted, your sexual health is still in good shape. However, if fatigue begins to set in earlier than it used to or your concentration and memory begin to suffer, you might want to cut down on the frequency of masturbation and sexual activities.

Fatigue, Memory, Concentration. Fuck.

This last link is something every little... no... every boy (and even some girls) has dreamt... dreamed... drumt of since they noticed the opposite sex. I only wish wish wish that soon they will come in non-crazy-rapist style and size and their price will fall below rediculous. You guessed it!:

http://www.advanced-intelligence.com/goggles.html

2004-04-12T21:02:00.000-07:00

If you have questions, comments, feedback, funny stories, jokes, links, midget pictures, nude pictures (women only), Germany or Florida's, or any Psychological theories that I may find interesting, send all e-mails to Shmee@yourmom.com.

So for the last week I was on a cruise to Mexico which ported in Puerto Vallarta, Mazatlan, and San Lucas. I'm not going to go far into what happened due to the one rule that prevails in Mexico (which, hopefully, those three mexi-midgets and that one "girl" I met will uphold): What Happens In Mexico STAYS In Mexico.

Now to start, a minor update on my war against misandrism. The first day on the ship, we had to do this dumbshit boat drill which involved walking down the stairs to the decks near the lifeboats... so, wait a minute, if, for whatever reason, the boat begins to sink, we should go to the deck with the lifeboats? Damn what a good idea! Anyways, during this boat drill they actually announced that ..."When loading the lifeboats, remember that women, children, and sick people board first." Now I can understand sick people... get them off and keep them with doctors/nurses and get them to land to a hospital first. But I assumed the stupid sexist bullshit that women and children should go first while the men sit with their thumbs up their asses would have disappeared by now. Keep the families together, and aside from that, board by order people arrived at the lifeboat deck or by cabin group or SOMETHING other than the old-fashioned sexist bullshit way of "women and children first."

After hearing that I had a good 20 minutes to sit and think while some dipshit 5 years older than I yelled at me to, I kid you not, re-tie the string on the lifevest that was around my neck because it was too loose. DRILL. That word mean anything to you, dipshit? So while I sat... well, actually while I stood, I had a minor epiphany, which, as soon as it came to me, I wondered why it hadn't occured to me earlier. Women do not want power. They already have it. They've always had it. Go back to any strong male leader and behind him is some woman telling him what to do. Women, as I said, don't want power, they just want everyone to recognize their power. That's why EVERY, and when I say every I mean every single woman of comprehensive age and state of mind, EVERY woman thinks that our country would be better off with a woman president. And vice president. And homeland security director. And UN representitive. And speaker of the house. And all senators and state reps. And governers, mayors, hell just every fucking office of power. So, feminist bullshit #46327311: having a male majority (majority now mind you, not exclusively male, just a majority) is sexist, but claiming that ALL male politicians are worse than a female counterpart isn't blatantly sexist? How do these motherfuckers say this shit with a straight face?

So, like I said, women don't care about being president/queen/goddess, they just want everyone to KNOW that they're the president/queen/goddess. They want all men to bow in awe of the power of woman while they bitch about how much work they have to do and get all of their man-servents to do their work for them. It's funny how stupid men can be to let shit like this slide. Every once in a while I'll hear some guy support feminism or even claim to be a feminist on TV, radio, personally, or wherever I am admiring the tits walking toward me and the asses walking away. If you hear ANY man say this, slap him like the bitch he is because some woman has successfully programmed him into a man-servant. Women gave up the right to get any special privilidges just because they're women when the feminist movement started.

If you're a woman and you're reading this... who sent you!?!? Heh... just kidding, but if you are a woman reading this I want to really say that I don't hate women. I really don't give a shit about sex or race or anything, but the two things I truly HATE are discrimination and hypocrisy, which are the spine and brain of the current day feminist movement. I don't think a female president would be any different than a male one, and I don't think that having a female majority in the senate would be any different than having a republican majority. However, a female republican majority would be a fucking nightmare.

Speaking of presidents and such, I saw a commercial on a few times today that I found pretty damn funny. It was a republican-funded anti-John Kerry ad which criticized Kerry for opposing tax breaks and for his plan to increase taxes by $900 billion in the first 100 days in office. Well, gee 'pubs, guess why the reform economic policy involves a shitload of tax increases. Hint: think of what the reform is caused by... that's right! A shitty previous administration! Kerry's proposed $900 billion tax increase will ALMOST bring us back to where Clinton left us in 2000. Just face it: republican economic policy hasn't worked for over 50 years now. Fuck trickle-down economics. Corporations are greedy... and the republican empowerment of those corporations caused their trickling down upon the middle and lower class.

Now, I've been very anti-republican, and that brings me to another point. Don't vote republican just because you're republican. Don't vote democrat just because you're a democrat. THINK FOR YOURSELF. Don't let your greedy party tell you who to vote for. And for anyone who hated Clinton for getting a knob job in the oval office, get the fuck out of here. Everyone looked at Clinton the way Ken "I'm a giant asshole" Starr wanted them to. Starr wanted everyone to ignore the fact that Clinton bounced our economy from the large deficit from Bush I into a SURPLUS with an extremely prospective future. He put into effect many federal programs which were increasing education, social security, and healthcare, while at the same time giving tax cuts to all three classes. If you want to say Clinton was a bad person for what he did, fine, but don't even think for one second that getting his get got made Clinton a bad president.

To that, I add Ryan's theory of political selection: ALL politicians are going to do some greedy, underhanded, illegal, and immoral shit while in office to benefit themselves and their friends, so just make your selections on how that person will benefit you and your fellow Americans.

If you feel that I've made false claims (which I haven't) or that I am incorrect (yeah... right) on the matters of which I spoke, please use your Fifth Amendment rights, which Bush, Rumsfeld, and the P.A.T.R.I.O.T. act have done very well at restricting, and keep your fucking ideas to yourself.

Which brings me to the P.A.T.R.I.O.T. act. Damn I've been doin good with the transitions haven't I? Anyways, the P.A.T.R.I.O.T. act is a supposedly protective piece of legislature (that means law for you Art-majors) which was passed on the grounds that it would save the American people from terrorist attacks. Do you know one of the top catches that the P.A.T.R.I.O.T. act has brought in? Tommy Chong. Yes like Cheech & Chong's Tommy Chong. FOR WEED. Terrorist protection my ass. The P.A.T.R.I.O.T. act is simply the U.S. law enforcement's way of saying,

"Hey, you know all those basic rights that your founding fathers put in the constitution with the tabs next to them saying 'Shall not be infringed'? Well, if we say we think you're a terrorist or even if you're associated with terrorists, you don't get those anymore."

And no, I'm not exaggerating. So, you might now be thinking what I've thought ever since I first heard of the P.A.T.R.I.O.T. act, "Where the fuck is the Supreme Court on this one?" Well, they're off fondling their balls discussing whether or not saying "under God" in the pledge of der Fuhrer, err... allegiance, is unconstitutional.

And now, I'm tired. Maybe tomorrow I'll rant on old people and anything that comes up in my classes. Maybe I won't rant at all and I'll just play video games? Maybe I'll sit and think about what I want to do and do it. I'm not sure. Maybe the world will end tomorrow. I'll just have to deal with issues as I need to. After all, it's not like I can control much of anything that happens anyways.

2004-04-04T01:10:00.000-08:00

If you have questions, comments, feedback, funny stories, jokes, links, midget pictures, nude pictures (women only), Germany or Florida's, or any Psychological theories that I may find interesting, send all e-mails to Shmee@yourmom.com.

Well, sorry to disappoint anyone who likes to come here for some humorous (yet oh so pleasantly vindictive) rant, but tonight I don't give a shit. Usually my not giving a shit-ed-ness is extremely low, so when I get pissed I write a blog post about it. Right now, my give no shit level has sunk to a new low, because tomorrow morning... actually.. fuck... in 5 hours, I'm off to PDX (portland airport) to fly to LAX (Los Angeles's major Airport) for my 7-day Carnival cruise to Mexico, of which I'll spend my time drinking margaritas and fuckin señioritas. Seriously, cruise to Mexico that stops at Cabo san Lucas, Mazatlan, and Puerto Vallarta, DURING SPRING BREAK. I'll be on the beach somewhere between the wet t-shirt contests and the Girls Gone Wild crews. God damn I do love the titties. Oh, and this chick Ashley Scott. Never nude (yet) but jesus tapdancing christ was she hot in Walking Tall. And that movie was pretty cool too. I think I missed part of the story tho cuz my high altitude brain lost all control when that hotness stepped on the screen. No, Ashley Scott you goddamn homo. Anyways, I stocked way the hell up on disposable cameras, as well as cash in pesos for... well... whatever the fuck I want. Hopefully the Guadelajara Grill will still be open in Mazatlan, cuz that restaurant kicked ass. And Señior Frogs. First place I ever got drunk. Ahh... childhood memories :) . Anyways, I'm going to thoroughly enjoy the irretrievably ample amount of ass and titties while I be gone. And holy shit am I gonna get burnt. Oh well, fuck it. Literally :D. See yalls on the upside.

2004-03-30T18:12:00.000-08:00

If you have questions, comments, feedback, funny stories, jokes, links, midget pictures, nude pictures (women only), Germany or Florida's, or any Psychological theories that I may find interesting, send all e-mails to Shmee@yourmom.com.

Well... all of my friends have been slaving over their senior projects because a science expo which essentially decides whether or not they graduate is this friday, but their shit has to be done by thursday night. To this, I offer my humble and simple condolences by saying: "HAHAHAHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA!!!!"

God I love fucking the system so I don't have to do work.

Well, besides that senior project shit, the new quarter at Clark started today. I missed my Tai' Chi class wit Mikey cuz I thought the new Q started next week, but I found out in time for my Intro to UNIX class. The teacher's pretty cool... still a tit bit of a dumbass, but nowhere near Bob the Knob level (see January and February posts). The teach gave a pretty cool rundown on the history of UNIX, so while I listened I drew a picture, and it wasn't until I finished that I realized how fucking cool it was. I'm pretty sure you can post pics on this because Jake (http://philoponia.blogspot.com/) has paint Sunday... or is it paint Tuesday. Whatever... anyways, if it loads right, heres the drawing:

Oh... whoops... just realized I didn't hook up my floppy disc drive yet cuz I'm lazy and I hate using discs... so you guys are just gonna have to wait in suspense. BITCH!

2004-03-28T23:55:00.000-08:00

If you have questions, comments, feedback, funny stories, jokes, links, midget pictures, nude pictures (women only), Germany or Florida's, or any Psychological theories that I may find interesting, send all e-mails to Shmee@yourmom.com.

In case you haven't noticed, I'm a bit of an insomniac, so I tend to log on and post my blogs later at night because it sorta helps me relax and go to sleep... so here goes...

Earlier today I was watching the Game Show Network (channel 309 on DirectTV sattelite) earlier and instead of having the show on the DTV guide due to some error in the guide thing they had a History of Gaming show on instead of the show Greed. I usually laugh at any "history of gaming"... actually any "history of computers" special because they're so outdated that the "new" specials are talking about the breakthroughs of 56k high-speed internet. Ha.

Anyways, the GSN special was actually pretty damn good. It was hosted by tony hawk but it wasn't just a huge facade for Tony Hawk's new game. It actually started with pong and the advent of Atari and went all the way to present console gaming, but not present PC gaming. Since the show was only an hour long, it focused more on classic and current console gaming, with a mention of PC gaming in between. They talked about pong and tetris and the morph to the more complex FPS style of gaming, where they had a long honorable mention to id software and PC gaming. They also had a good 10 minutes talking about the entire violence-in-gaming issue, but instead of maliciously arguing how moronic the opposition was, or sitting there and letting the issue float past, they talked about it in a very sane and logical manner. They first brought to attention how blaming video games for violence is no different then blaming films or music for violence.

Burst of thought here... I think most people would agree that the vast majority of jackasses who think that the occasional act of mixed stupidity and violence is caused by heavy metal music, first person shooter video games, and zombie movies are religous conservatives. This amazes me because earlier on the basic tv news (by basic I mean non-sattelite/cable, hence completely public) there was a clip shown from the movie "The Passion of the Christ". Directly following the clip there were many people saying that they took their young children to see the movie to see the story of Jesus and his life. Some of you may already see the irony. I personally haven't seen the movie, nor will I ever, but from the 10 seconds they showed on TV, there was enough blood and gore to fill all of Korn's albums, a series of first-person shooters, and Halloween weekend's new theatrical release. This is where the conservative influx of bullshit comes in... "but Ryan, I'm a fucking moron, and it depends on what type of violence your children are seeing."

Yes, you are correct. You are, in fact, a fucking moron. To a child, violence is violence. Do you honestly think that an 8 year old has the comprehension skills to fully understand the best-selling fiction novel of all time? The Bible is beyond the average adult's comprehension, let alone that of a child, so just save me the time and energy that it took to listen to your dumb ass and shut the fuck up.

Okay, back to video games. They talked about how in the Columbine shooting there was some video of one of the dipshits talking about how shooting the people will be just like playing Doom. There was a sister clip to that video of Joe Lieberman saying that "...these video game companies have a responsibility to the parents and children who are playing them." Wrong. The PARENTS have the responsibility to make sure their kids aren't digesting information that they can't fully understand and that will warp their mind because they're too weak. Plus, if the Columbine shooter's parents had actually given a shit about their kids, they may have realized that playing Doom, listening to heavy metal, and watching horror flicks was fucking their kids up to the point where they'd murder people. OR MAYBE IF THEY HAD GIVEN A SHIT THEY WOULD HAVE FOUND THE FUCKING VIDEO TAPE OF THE KIDS TALKING ABOUT SHOOTING PEOPLE AND PUT A STOP TO IT BEFORE THIRTEEN PEOPLE HAD DIED.

Why is everyone such a fucking pussy that they can't blame the parents for fucked up kids? News flash! It's not the video games, or the movies, or the music, or sex, or terrorists, or drugs, or violence, or caffeine, or sugar, or Satan that's fucking up the kids, IT'S THE STUPID SHITTY NUMBNUTS PARENTS!

The rest of the show was pretty decent, because they talked about how Nintendo tried to fuck over Sony by claiming rights to the name Playstation, which, of course, they lost, and how after that Nintendo went down the shitter. Then Xbox comes out, but still can't compete with the PS2. I thought it was interesting how they said that because Xbox was one of the main advertising contributors to GSN. Then, they started making fun of the government because of the government's shift from anti-gaming (because it's violence is warping our fragile little minds!), to military recruitment (so they can warp our fragile little minds!) They had a nice segment about America's Army and the new one... Full Spectrum Warrior I think it's called, and how it's basically a training program for future soldiers, as well as a dynamic shifter so that people will think that being a super-soldier would be cool, and sign up to military divisions.

That sorta frightened me after I thought about it because it reminded me so much of the teacher from the movie All Quiet on the Western Front. Some asshole teacher was basically teaching the German, all-male, aryan class that nothing was better than being a soldier and fighting for your country. And because the children were all little retards they went off and signed up for the military as soon as they could, and MADE FUN of the student who was too young.

All I need now to confirm what I've been thinking is for Donald Rumsfeld and the cyborg Dick Cheney v2.0 to come out with a new army FPS video game and start Sieg Heil'ing our victory over the inferior "sand-niggers" while Condoleeza Rice pulls off the suit that was her skin to reveal she's just Bill O'Reily, and Colin Powell, after informing us that he's really just white with a melanin problem, announces that our mission, divined from God, is to kill all the non-white, non-Christian, non-American's in order to purge them from God's vision and to make the world a safer place, while Lil' Bush is off in the background snorting coke and watching The Passion of the Christ to find better ways to torture the captured heathens in a very Torquemada'esque fashion, which will not only scare everyone who survives the wrath of der furher, but also will make programming our minds much easier.

Now i'd like to keep going but the FBI's here... see you later, after my torture and forced labotomy down in Guantanomo bay where they can truly strip me of all the most basic human rights, not to mention my constitutional rights, thanks to the fucking P.A.T.R.I.O.T. act.

2004-03-25T23:20:00.000-08:00

If you have questions, comments, feedback, funny stories, jokes, links, midget pictures, nude pictures (women only), Germany or Florida's, or any Psychological theories that I may find interesting, send all e-mails to Shmee@yourmom.com.

So I was idly thinking of something funny to post, and alas I was reminded of my time on Sunday spent at the mall. I'm goin on a Mexican Riviera cruise in a week and since I get really bad sunburns I decided to work up a tan in a tanning salon and then go buy some shorts and light colored shirts. It was an odd experience because while I was shopping, roughly an hour from 3:00 - 4:00 P.M. I was HIT ON by more chicks than in the last goddamn year at Skyview. It was great, don't get me wrong, but it was somewhat depressing knowing that I'm going to a school that is superficial beyond the meaning of the word.

This is something I've wondered for a long time. Almost all women fall for the assholes. A guy can be skinny and muscular, but he needs to be a 20 year old college student preying on high school girls and treating them like shit to be considered "hot". Why is it that all the complete fuckheads are the ones that end up tapping the hottest chicks? If the girls are that fucking stupid to not understand that the guy doesn't give a tenth of a shit and is only using her for sex, the girl deserves to be used. And on top of the few assholes getting almost all the pussy, the truly nice guys get stuck with nothing. What the fuck is that?

Now, something that most people don't think about is that for as many asshole guys there are, there are some if not more bitch girls. The type of girl who doesn't understand what a real conversation is. The type of girl who doesn't talk to guys if they're not "hot" (see above definition.) For the non-bitch girls out there, the type of girl who will fuck her friend's boyfriend because she isn't supposed to, in some vain attempt to steal the boyfriend. For the last description, I have a news flash for you dumbass bitches out there: any redeeming factor making a guy worth having as a boyfriend is completely null if he's willing to cheat on his girlfriend. For all the other women, please, don't keep this stupid backstabbing, sly, sneaky bullshit going. If you need to worry about your girlfriend stealing your boyfriend, drop them both.

This sorta brings me to another point. The term "boyfriend" is tossed around in a very strange way as I've been noticing. This is another point to why, sexually at least, women are dumb. Girls cannot separate emotional attachment and physical attraction because in their fucked up way of thinking, the two are the same thing. This leads to many confusing sentences like, "He's so hot, I wish he'd ask me out." When the real end to that sentence should be, "...so we can go fool around in his truck before he tells me he really doesn't want to leave his current girlfriend but after he tells me he loves me."

Women tend to create mental black holes with their shitty logic. They're oblivious to how much of an asshole the guy is being so they let him fondle them up while they use the excuse that he's a nice guy to justify to the world why they're fooling around with him. Come on girls, I don't know if men or women are smarter, but I know women are smarter than this. If you got looks, don't idolize the complete assholes who treat you like shit and use you sexually, snag a guy who actually cares for you. Don't try to hand me that bullshit that "you can't find a nice guy" and DEFINATELY don't try to convince me that whoever you're fucking is a nice guy. If he was a nice guy he might have the tiniest ounce of respect for you to at least tell you he just wants sex and has no intention of turning whatever you think you're doing into a real relationship.

Girls, if you want to screw a guy because he's hot, I have no problem with that. As a matter of fact, I don't even have a problem if you continue fucking all the assholes and ensuring that the really nice guys get no play. My problem is with the facade that the assholes are nice guys and that there are no other nice guys. Women, you're addicted to assholes, so apply the Twelve Step program like with any other addiction...

1. Admit you have a problem differentiating assholes from nice guys and that your sex drive has become unmanageable.

2. Come to believe that a power greater than you can set your logic straight and bring you back to sanity.

3. Make a decision to turn your will and life over to the care of a more knowledgeable being (me).

4. Make a searching and moral inventory for true emotional respect and care for yourself and your sex life.

5. Admit to yourselves and the nice guys who you were a bitch to that you were wrong.

6. Admit that you are ready to listen to me to rid yourself of assholes forever.

7. Humbly ask me to forgive your shortcomings.

8. Make a list of all your girlfriends whose relationships you fucked up and the truly nice guys who you were a bitch to, and become willing to make amends to them all.

9. Make amends to everyone where it's possible, except when it would injure them or others to do so, unless you're injuring an asshole, which you should repeat this process as often as possible.

10. Continue to take a personal inventory and promptly admit your wrongs.

11. Have sex with me.

12. Having gone through the first 11 steps, continue to live your lives by what you learned, making them common practice in your sexual affairs.

Simple, and easy. Thats all I ask.

For anyone reading this who has gone through or been close to someone who has gone through a 12 step program, I give my respects to you for your courage and congratulate you for your efforts and successes.

And for any girls who are trying to convince themselves that the guy they're fooling around with isn't an asshole, wake up and smell the bitch you've become and understand that those guys care nothing for you. After all, if you were whoring yourself out to me like you are to whatever assholes you currently are, I wouldn't give a shit about you either.

2004-03-24T13:43:00.000-08:00

Hey kids, sitting on a network where your favorite websites are banned? Tired of seeing "403: Forbidden"? Surf Anonymously on an encrypted website!

You see, websites are blocked when the database combined with the computer hosting your proxy server finds keywords in the website or the URL of the website in it's "block" list. Encrypted web surfing essentially turns your history into a hacking project for ITs. You can anonymously surf porno, humor, or other commonly blocked websites via encrypted web services and your history is then encrypted in a file connected to the website which you accessed. In the most basic terms, you surf whatever the fuck you want, and the techs are stuck with their hands down their pants trying to figure out your true web history.

Most of the time, the ITs go apeshit trying to block every anonymization website, but as always, some slip through their vision. If you're at SHS, I can guarantee that as of 1:48 P.M., March 24th, 2004, the following anonymization site is alive and well:

http://www.all-nettools.com/tools4.htm

Use the scrolldown menu in the highest tool, because each of those sub-websites work except for Anonymizer, of which that website's process is blocked. Now, have fun surfing porno, reading maddox, and checking your e-mail as well as laughing as the stupid fucking tech support jackasses who block Yahoo!.com e-mail.

2004-03-23T00:09:00.000-08:00

NEWS FROM THE WAR FRONT:

Okay, so as I was surfing webpages today, I came across a link to Your Dirty Mind (A Daily Sex Weblog) (http://www.yourdirtymind.com/) to the Anti-Porn Resource Center (http://www.oneangrygirl.net/antiporndisclaimer.html). I'm not going to point out the irony in that, the disclaimer claims to "not want to argue" and to "display information they found in a useful and informative manner", but their host URL is the very biased-sounding www.oneangrygirl.net. So, I decide to investigate to see if they had any intelligence, reason, or validity (SPOILER! : no) so I clicked past the disclaimer into their website.

I then find the website underneath the sheath of intelligence to be stockpiled with misandrism. New word. Learn it, love it, live it. Anyways, the website which seems to be pro-women's rights and anti-misogynist is no more than a big man-hate fest. The site depicts men as savage rapists and offers off the wall analogies to EXTREMELY violent acts to relate to a "standard" porno movie, which, of course, in their opinion, which deserve more commas, maybe even a question mark?, and now I'm just wondering if you can put a comma after a question mark, anyways, they try to get their point across that the average porno movie is violent and misogynist.

I shit you not, check the PDF file (see: "pocket sized anti-porn cheat sheet") that according to them, the female equivalent of the AVERAGE porno movie would be...

"...pictures of gangs of women raping men, sticking broomsticks up their asses as they smile and ejaculate and say, 'Encore'. snipping their balls off with pliers, sticking wire up their penile openings..."

Women, I need to make an announcement RIGHT NOW that, if you truly believe this, go kill yourself. Yes, I've seen some fucked up porno where it's all dominatrix weird funky BDSM shit. When that pops up do you know what I do? I delete/close it. That's fucked up. All the porno I've seen where the guy in it is trying to dominate the girl and/or use pain and force to convey dominance is (gasp!) a turnoff. Men or women who need power to get their jollies off need to get checked out because that's violent tendencies bleeding over into sexual acts and from there you end up with rape for men and whorishness for women. Men rape chicks, women whore themselves out. That's just how it works. Now, if you're saying, "Gee Ryan, I'm a fucking idiot and I enjoy a little pain and dominance in bed, but I'm not about to whore myself out or rape some chick. You must be wrong," well, you're right. You ARE a fucking idiot. Anything can be normal under mutually participatory circumstances and in moderation.

Then, also in that pocket sized dumbass infection sheet, I see, under "All men use porn, it's only natural!", I see:

"If all men are doing it, then all men are dupes. Besides, all men don't. Porn does not show up as 119 on the Periodic Table of Elements [what the FUCK?]. It is neither a building block of life nor an essential to human survival. Lots of men make a reasoned choice to not allow to be formed by distorted and stereotypical portrayals in porn. They also refuse to be complicit in an industry that exploits women, that debases human sexuality, [and] that feeds on human vulnerability."

Two things about this: first, and this may come as a shocker to you women readers out there, good health for a young male includes regular masturbation. Repressing sexual urges and holding back on all sexual thought is UNHEALTHY for a man. As a matter of fact, many new studies are linking impotence to an emotional problem brought on by anti-sexual idealisms.

Secondly, you claim that pornography is an industry that preys on weak women and that men would stop gorging on this industry if they were to come to their own conclusions about porn's exploitation of women, but then go on to tell men why they should have already made the choices that these women have and not think about it themselves for a single second?

Okay, the idiocy of that website is starting to give me a headache, so I'm going to close on my final thoughts between men and women regarding sex, which may shed some light on why women are often very anti-pornographic.

Another thing most women don't get is the simple fact that men do not need emotion for sexual urges. To women, this just doesn't compute. The thought process is LITERALLY, "Mmm nice titties. I wanna fuck that." There is no great mystery, no giant drama, no stupid love story that needs to unfold why the guy wants to bang the chick with the nice rack. NONE! And if we see something else that is nice too, our sexual urges toward the first are easily put aside temporarily so we can think, "Mmm nice ass. I wanna fuck that."

Women, on the other hand, are less intelligent on the whole about their sexual urges. This is why there is no "perfect man". For men, a "perfect woman" will always have nice tits, a nice ass, a pretty face, and nice legs. The skin tones, hair colors, ethnicities and such can change, but I bet money if you were to go to any heterosexual male aged 15-30, you'd be able to check off 4 of the 4 above mention things to make his perfect woman.

A woman's "perfect man" can differ COMPLETELY from another. This is because women's attraction is more emotional. Weird shit like the voice or social stature of a man can make him "look" good. Just look at many pop band groups. Usually the lead singer is not very good looking, but because he's the lead singer of a pop band, chicks think he's hot. Men don't do this. I guarantee you that no man in his right mind would want to fuck Britney Spears just because she's a singer. So this is where my applied theory to porno starts to come into play.

Many women are anti-pornography because through pictures and movies there is no emotion. There is no cinematography award for porno movies. This is why what we think of as pornography is perfect for men. No emotion, all naked bodies. For men, it suits us perfectly. But then, if women are more emotion based, wouldn't that make overly dramatic movies just porno for women? Men are looking for a physical connection, so we look at pictures of tits and ass. Women look for an emotional connection, so they watch the latest piece of shit Hugh Grant movie. So, with the identification of these so-called "chick flicks" for what they truly are, porno for women, all I need now is to spread awareness of what those movies truly are. You have your mission; go now.

2004-03-17T21:45:00.000-08:00

Well... I was reading Azn Thomas's blog (http://apturtle.blogspot.com/) and found a convo posted where Angie talked about how women are great creatures. I disagree. As a matter of fact, I believe that women are placed with the sole purpose of interrupting evolution of the mind. Women are master sophists, which would make sense at the beautiful, almost angelic, appearance of the select few worth listening to. And by "listening to", I mean staring at their tits.

In order to show how a general conversation between a woman and myself would go, I decided to scribe a sample one out. Then I realized that I never fucking listen to women because all they do is confuse me with bullshit, so I have no actual idea of what the fuck they're saying when we're talking. And by talking I mean I'm staring at her tits and she's yelling at me for said staring. So, I decided to scribe out a battle between myself and a woman as a metaphor for the conversation. Here goes:

Woman uses offensive stance.
You use defensive stance.
Woman attacks with Nonsense!
You block nonsense with Holy Shield of Logic.
You use Logic Bomb on Woman.
Woman evades Logic Bomb.
Woman uses Defensive Stance!
Woman feigns injury!
You are confused.
You are still confused.
Woman attacks with Bullshit!
You take damage from Bullshit!
You are still confused.
Woman attacks with Claims of Sexism!
You evade Claims of Sexism!
You are still confused.
Woman used Offensive Stance!
You are no longer confused.
You use Light of Truth!
You use Essence of Reason!
Woman uses Call Friends!
Woman #2 approaches!
You use Desparate Stance!
Woman attacks with Bullshit!
You take damage from Bullshit!
Woman #2 casts Fortify on Woman! Woman is fortified!
You use Call Friends!
Friend approaches.
Friend runs away.
Woman uses Confusion!
You block Confusion with Shield of Knowledge.
Woman #2 feigns injury.
You attack Woman #2 with Sword of Reason!
Woman intercepts your attack with Claims of Sexism!
You are Despaired!
Woman attacks with Bow of Sexism!
You parry Bow of Sexism!
You are Despaired!
Woman attacks with Redundance!
Woman #2 attacks with Oxymoron!
You have been slain.

So, as you see, I tend to only have bad conversations with women. Most women think I'm sexist because I hate feminism and make sexist jokes. First off, jokes are jokes. If you don't like a joke, fine, but shut the fuck up about it. The only reason why I don't say any white jokes is because there aren't any good ones. Same with male jokes. Make a good white male joke and I'll say it along with the woman jokes, black jokes, asian jokes, jewish jokes, etc.

Secondly, I have every right to hate feminism. Feminists don't want equal rights, they want all the power, simple as that. Feminists claim that there are too many men in politics (to which I fully agree), but then they say that the world would be better if there was a woman president, a woman VP, a woman Attourney General, etc., to the point where they say the world would be better if all positions of power were held by women. Anyone else seeing the point I'm hinting at? Feminists, who claim that men are sexist because of the majority of males in offices and such, claim that women would be better in every case, and that all positions of power should be held by women. Now how do they get away with making statements like that? Do people not realize that statement as being sexist to the extreme?

I for one am taking this day to begin my public pre-emptive strike against the feminist movement. I, Ryan F., am announcing the start of the masculinist movement. If I don't do it now, the feminists will use the momentum they've built to give women all the power and completely leech all civil rights from men. So I say defy the women around you. Tell them to fuck off if they ask you to hold their purse. Tell them that if they didn't want to be checked out then they shouldn't have dressed like a Chinese whore. And finally, tell them that their period is NOT an excuse to be a complete raving bitch for %25 of their life. Tell them to take all the sexist bullshit they can get away with and shove it right up their ass.

You want equal rights? Fine, here's your forced draft registration, 12 hour shifts at a construction site, and never again expect a man to hold the door for you, compliment you on your looks, or pay for a dinner date. Doesn't seem so appealing when the "equal rights" are truly equal now, does it?

2004-03-10T15:44:00.000-08:00

So, after I spent about an hour talkin wit Angie and Pelf, of which Pelf has a thick Irish accent, so I was responding wit my Scottish accent (Ye Git!) I gave up trying to watch chicks because the tennis team's amount of hotness is meager, the dance team was practicing down in the dance room rather than the commons (lunch room), and the cheerleaders were practicing in the auditorium but both Angie and Pelf had testicle none enough to go with me into the auditorium and sit down to watch. Holy shit that's a long fucking sentence. It's okay, go look to check if it's one sentence, I know that if you didn't already it DID cross your mind to check. Anyways, after about an hour I went home. I check Matt WUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU's blog, click the link to some guy name Chris, and click a link from that blog to a website called JackinWorld. Yes, about jackin off. I click the "expert techniques" link for some humor, and to help realize how fucked up these people are. By the way, IMO, an expert is someone who can bust a good nut in under 180 seconds. Then, as I scan past the first few techniques, I come across this:

EGGPLANT JAM
Select an eggplant that is sufficiently larger than your erect penis. Cut a hole in the peel that's the exact size of the base of your erect penis. Then make a hole in the pulp smaller than your erection (using a broom handle works well). Then put the eggplant in the microwave for about a minute and a half, just so it gets warm inside and starts to get a little soft, but don't really cook it. Then, after you make sure with your finger that the inside is cool enough, put in some lube (try coconut oil), put the eggplant between a couple of pillows, and make eggplant jam. Or, you can lie on your back and just move the eggplant back and forth on your erect penis. (http://www.jackinworld.com/expert/06objsuba.html)

WHAT THE FUCK? WHO IS THAT FUCKING DESPARATE TO WHICH THEY STOP AND SAY, "Hey this jerkin off thing is cool, but wouldn't a plant feel better? Maybe I should try fucking an eggplant!" HOW MUCH FREE TIME DO THESE DUMB MOTHERFUCKERS HAVE? AND WOULD ANYONE ACTUALLY READ THAT AND SERIOUSLY SAY, "Gee, an eggplant probably would feel good around my cock!" WHAT THE FUCK! FUUUUCK! FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

Then I look down and see:

PURE GOLD
For someone with a little pocket money to spend: First, buy a small container of Gold Bond Medicated Powder at the drugstore. Throw a towel onto your bed and lie on top of it. (Gold Bond sticks to everything, so it's good to be able to shake out the towel and have a shower after.) The technique itself is very simple: Just sprinkle a bit of the powder onto your hand, rub it onto your penis, and enjoy — no masturbation required. After a few minutes it will start to tingle. This sensation will grow until it's almost a burning sensation, but it doesn't actually hurt. The stimulation alone will give you an erection. The sensation will change almost to numbness, but it will be blissful at the same time. This feeling lasts for a good, long while until your brain kind of shifts into orgasm mode. The stimulation is subtle, but because the stimulation doesn't slow down during the orgasm, it is very intense. (Not everyone who tries this technique will get all the way to orgasm without additional stimulation.) You can put some on your scrotum, too, for added pleasure. Try holding back for as long as you can. A can of Gold Bond costs about $5, but it goes a long way. (http://www.jackinworld.com/expert/06objsuba.html)

Ya know, there might be times when I think, "Shit I wish I could just fuck (KendraBaileyAshleyMeganOtherAshleyDanielleJessicaKaitlynSarah) whenever I want to. Maybe there's a better way to jerk off so that it feels better." But never does "Maybe I should rub heating cream on my sack and fuck and eggplant" even come CLOSE to entering my realm of thought. And don't you think that when you're rubbing Gold Bond onto yourself or preparing an eggplant, a little voice from the back of your head would speak and say "Seek help?" or maybe a louder voice saying "Dude! Seriously..." or a just plain loud voice going "YOU'RE GETTING READY TO FUCK AN EGGPLANT? WHAT THE FUCK!"

So, I am now prepared to redefine the word "Psychosis".

Psychosis: Noun.
1. A severe mentally deranged state, charactarized by fucking eggplants, rubbing medicated powder onto the balls, and/or being Rosie O'Donnel.

I have no idea why, but I just got an image of Bailey humping a pillow, massaging her breast with one hand, and fingering herself with the other, so Ima go run to the store to buy some Gold Bond and an Eggplant. Maybe two or three eggplants, ya know, in case it actually feels good or I fuck up cutting "a hole in the peel that's the exact size of the base of [my] erect penis." Seriously, Whatthefuck?

2004-03-09T18:40:00.000-08:00

So, today, I had a pretty odd coincedence. This morning, from something I ate, I felt like shit. An hour on the can and 50 dry heaves later, I was ready to start my day... with a big fucking bottle of pepto bismol. Damn I love that stuff. Anyways, the coincedence occured about an hour post-prelisted activities.

I was sitting down with a piece of toasted bread, a slice of cheese, and a scrambled egg when I turned on the TV. My mother had the day off so she came downstairs and was watching TV too. I saw the movie "Frailty" was almost on, and, since I enjoy movies that both disturb and confuse, I changed to that channel (which was rolling the credits from the previous movie).

Roughly 20 minutes into the flick, about the point where Bill Paxton kills his first victim (but they're DEMONS!) and my mother says "Why are all the crazy fucking religious people always from the really strict religions. You never see a Bhuddist go and start killing people in the name of Bhudda." Cue headache. A debate ensued about different aspects of organized religion.

Then, the doorbell rings. My mother says it's probably the FedEx guy, and that she's "not prepared to answer the door." What the fuck does that mean? Fuck I hate women. So I answer the door and it's 2 random chicks. My observational skills take a break until I open the door, at which I notice the younger of the two is holding a bible. Do you have to capitolize (or is it capitalize?) the word "bible". Fuck I hate English. Anyways, the younger (who is the one who holds the dialogue from here on out) says that she's from a church group and that she's been noticing how this time of year is usually when people begin to consider or question their faith. At this point I give her bonus points for at least being honest and starting the conversation devoid of bullshit and announcing she's doing a church thing.

This is when the coincedence I mentioned kicks in. You need to realize that these types of religious people do not show up often to my house. So, on the one morning in which I stay home sick, and the TV is on to nothing less than a movie about a kid who questions his father's fucked up faith and ideology of destroying demons and (SPOILER) turns out to be an actual soldier of God, two church people show up to the door, and my mother spouts some retarded excuse to not answer the door. That seems pretty fucking coincedental.

So I have a chat with the two ladies... ok well I only spoke to one, and they're pretty nice... not the usual pushy religous cretins who go door-to-door trying to give all the heathens a bible-enema.

-------------------------Be Right Back: Jeopardy is on------------------------------

Okay, so, the conversation went something like this:
"Hi I was just wondering if you were thinking of Jesus's place in your life and his plan for you?"
Then, the chick cut me off and said... oh no wait that was her talking... so I said
"No, not really."
"Oh... ok... well did you know that originally all people were supposed to live forever? (cue meaningless scripture) Wouldn't you like to live eternally?"
"No, not really... I think it'd get really lonely."
"Yeah, I can understand. Maybe even a little bit tired or afraid for the world and how everything is going."
"No, not really."
"You're not afraid of death? What about all your children and your parents? Wouldn't you like them to live forever?"
"No, I think that death is a natural part of life."
"Alright... well... I have a pamphlet here if you're interested in Jesus's plan for you. (You have received: 1 Pamphlet!) Thank you for your time and take care!"

What a waste of fucking time that was. I was really disappointed in how little persistence these people have. Every telemarketer I've ever spoken to way infinitely more annoying... having some stupid fucking quip or reply to everything you say. Anyways, I didn't bother reading the pamphlet because I realized what I've thought all along. I have no problem with religion. NONE! I honestly believe that somewhere there has to be some sort of God figure just because you can keep asking "Well who created..." and get to a point where science can't really explain.

My only beef with religion lies with the priests (sorry for the very, very, VERY bad pun). Organized religion is where everything gets fucked up. All of the Crusade/Gay-hating/Racist shit that originates from religion is caused by the priests who use their positions of power to take advantage of the great abundance of stupid people. So, I just try to be a good person because all religions' ground rules are the basic outline for a generally good person.

Now, I have run out of energy to continue this, so I'm going to stop. Even drop. Possibly even shut em down, open up shop. Oh, no, that's how ruff ridaz roll.

2004-03-03T23:00:00.000-08:00

So today has joined this week in being a complete fucking waste of time. In all realism, Cramsey should have gotten all the SMuT seniors together and sai, "Look, March 1st is when the senior papers are 'due' *cough*BULLSHIT*cough*, so if you turn in your paper by March 1st you can take the week off."

Anyways, tomorrow the fags... err underclassmen... stupid sensitivity bullshit, anyways they got a stupid fucking elective fair to go to, so the seniors go to "an assembly that is extremely important to our graduation." I don't even want to go into the level of prediction of how I bet money that the "important" information is going to be another PDP (Parading Dumbfuck Project) outline, or even more useless like something about the senior party. In that last sentence I use the word "party" VERY loosely, because I know it's going to be stupid, but probably the last time I'll see 9/10 of my good friends. Sad thought, but life goes on. The whole point being that I have to show up early tomorrow for this fucking presentation AND again on friday for a fucking Tolo/Regional and State sports assembly. Just FYI, this assembly is my excuse to not go to class and dick off all day, be in an assembly announced by name as Varsity Captain, AND hit on all the cheerleaders and I still think it's a waste of time.

That was a long fucking paragraph.

In other news, I started writing in my own little fubar font thing and I'm gettin pretty good... I'll have to start writing papers in it just to confuse my teachers. My CWP teach must have had some flaring menopause this week cuz she's being a gigantic cunt, as opposed to her normal cuntness. Words cannot express my contempt for that fucking class. Fucking fuck shit licking motherfuck ass monkey cocksucker motherfucker. Okay, I guess there are words for it, but not necessarily coherent words.

In yet other news, I'm fucking tired. This 7-8 hours of sleep shit is fuckin me up so ima have to go back to my 2-4 hours like I used to. As a matter of fact, I haven't stayed up past 1 in the last week. Fuck I think I'm losing my edge.

So in calculus today, angie started arguing that all verbal assignments are arbitrary and because I didn't have a hammer in my satchel I couldn't just smash him upside the head so I actually had to argue. He continued using his "two haystacks" analogy, saying that adding two haystacks ends up as one haystack, which I agree with. What I disagree with is that angie says that everything we describe is qualitative. Wrong. The entire premise of our standard systems is a standard ratio of weight, or volume, or time, or whatever. His claim is that you can define anything as anything else and you're right, but his dumbassery is that he believes anything you dictate as true is true to the entire world. Wrong. He then started saying that all communication is language and is therefore arbitrary, so I showed him 1 + 1 = 2 by communicating symbols with my fingers. Then he said that even my motions were arbitrary, so I asked if I add my two fingers (repeat hand motioning of adding 2 fingers) whether it summed to 2 fingers or 1 big finger. He then said that it didn't matter, and from there trailed off when he realized my mad arguing skillz were beating him down. BITCH! So apart from B---- bein a minor douche and yelling at us for our muffled conversation by saying that we were keeping him from teaching.

If you don't know the class you won't understand why that argument is so invalid. Angie, Wu, and I sit in the far back corner next to a door that is almost always left open and which leads to a balcony that overhangs a band room door where many kids who can't play worth shit are exiled to so they can play their shit and annoy our class. So, among that noise, our quietly muffled conversation, located in the far back corner of the room, among 3 students who are beyond light years ahead of the rest of the class, is interrupting B----'s teaching? Bullshit. Maybe if he wasn't so boring by teaching to the lowest common denominator in the class over and over again the rest of his stup--er students would listen to him rather than let their minds wander. Don't even start using me and my table as a scapegoat, because everyone knows how full of shit that argument is. Except maybe Angie, but that's because he's an unreasonable dumbass.

Now, I'ma read some Dracula, go to sleep, and awake to go to a shitty assembly where I know the "important" information will be completely unimportant, to classes with dipshit teachers who use their students as scapegoats as to why they can't teach. Except Cramsey. Much love.

This is Ryan, reminding everyone that respect should never be granted, signing out. Now PISS OFF!

2004-03-01T21:45:00.000-08:00

I have found the secret to black holes. Many astronomers and physicists argue that they are wormholes to other dimensia, true forms of antimatter, or condensed splots of infinite gravity, and I can now inform them that everyone thus far is wrong.

Black holes are a condensed essence of stupidity cause when someone says something completely idiotic. Most black holes aren't even black or in space, they are in the world to which we call home. Here is my proof:

Today, in Calculus, me, Angie, and Matt WUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU were sitting at our table like we usually do. Mr B---- immediately begins to teach the class about arccos, arcsin, etc, and then, because someone wasn't paying attention, he started saying something about not listening or something. I wasn't really paying attention, so wu angie and I struck up an argument. B--- goes back to teaching, and asks the class what the -cos(π/2) was, so he broke it down into adjacent/hypotenuse. Fine, but I seriously doubt anyone who deserves to be in an AP class should need that extra step. Anyways, he broke it down to - 0 / 1, because the adjacent is 0, the hypotenuse of a unit circle is always 1, and the -cos(π/2) multiplied it by -1.

At this point Angie springs up with a "HA!" pointing at Matt and me, and we respond with "whatthefuck?" He then declares that Mr. B--- just proved that he was correct in that 0 can be positive or negative. In my defense, Bailey was not in class today so I had no titties or ass to stare at. Anyways, Matt and I, the voices or reason, tell him that the "negative zero" was just that he was multiplying the fraction 0/1 by -1. Mr B--- even corrects Angie, saying that zero is the lack of value and therefore can neither be positive nor negative. Despite this, Angie continues to argue his completely retarded point.

Now, while Angie is arguing this, I notice something. Nothing quite epiphany-level, but a strong realization nonetheless. My brain is being sucked dry of all intelligence and reason. The light seems to darken, filling with darkness particles, and I even notice my upper body losing strength and being pulled toward Angie's retardedness. Angie had just created a black hole.

He then went on to show that there must be a negative zero, because "1 - 0 = 1, and subracting zero is the same as adding negative zero." Headaches ensue. Matt and I then attempt to disengage the black hole by saying that subtracting zero is a non-operation. Anything minus zero is that anything. Then he pulled a stunningly woman-like move, and says the following, I kid you not:

"So, if you can never have nothing, then does everything have nothing? Then, wouldn't nothing have everything? Or would everything be nothing? Does this mean that at any moment I own everything?"

I refer to this as woman-like because women are so hell-bent (emphasis on the word hell, due to the fact that we all know just where women came from) on never losing an argument that when they begin to lose, they will create a vortex of stupidity which engulfs all reason, which accomplishes nothing in the argument but effectively stuns the opponent, which allows the woman to then change the subject to something else entirely, so that a completely new (and equally stupid) argument can begin.

Further proving my theory that black holes are stupidity vortexes, before I left the class I watched not one, but TWO people stumble and falter onto the table adjacent to Angie's spot, and one girl lost her train of thought as she passed his seat. Game, set, and match.

In other news, SENIOR PROJECT IS GAY! Just an FYI announcement. Seriously, that's all.

In case you want another example of how inane arguments with Angie are, and how much they remind you of stabbing yourself in the penis with needles while you use a monkey wrench to smash your testicles, see my good friend Jake-off's blog (http://philoponia.blogspot.com/) and his Wednesday, Feb. 25th post. In case you're retarded, xoarxes = Angie.

Now I'm off to pass out attempting to play horizons past 10:30, due to the fact that I got a whole whopping TWO hours of sleep last night! Well, two and a half, so I guess I can't bitch.

Now, PISS OFF!

2004-02-22T10:21:00.000-08:00

Fuck. Fuck! Fuuuuuuck. FFFFUUUUUUCCCKKKKK!! FUCK. fuck? FUCK FUCK fuck Fuck FUCK FuCk fUcK FUCk FuCK FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. Fuck. FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK! FFUUCCKK!!! FfUuCcKk! Fuck FUCK FFUUCCKKKKKKK!!.

In case you're wondering, "WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK?"

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

It's an inside joke numbnuts.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
FFUUCKKKKKKKKK! FFFFFFFUUUCKKK!! FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!

Peace BITCH!

2004-02-17T17:24:00.000-08:00

THIS IS A RE-POST OF AN OLD UPDATE THAT WAS FUBARED AND WHEN I TRIED TO EDIT IT WAS DELETED FROM BLOGGER. Luckily, I saved a backup, BITCH!

Have you ever had a day that was so slow-going and shitty that you couldn't possibly think it could get worse, and then get proved wrong?

So, today, because High School sucks dogshit, I had to get up and hour and a half earlier than i do usually. I get up, and drive to school to the pleasure of taking an AP Physics test to which I know what the fuck I'm doing to roughly 1/3 of the problems. This was the high point of my school day. Then, I go to my AP Calculus class... to which we've already done the final... so we sit and "learn" about integrating fuctions using logs and natural logs. No, I'm not going to make a penis or fecal joke. Unfortunately, Bailey (picture a 5'8" dusty blonde with a nice figure, great legs, a niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice rack, and a fantastic ass) is skipping. Fuck. Her replacement? Calculus taboo/sharades. At this point, I'm zoned out and trying to figure out what I did in a past life to have nice big titties and a fine ass ripped away and replaced with a stupid piece of shit calculus game. Gayness ensues. For lunch, Wu-Man (http://mattwu.blogspot.com/) Angie (http://www.livejournal.com/users/xoarxes/) and myself (http://www.thinkingofbailey.com/nicetits/fineass.htm) decide to go to Pizza Schmizza. Bad idea. $20, 1 hour, and 1 shitty pizza later, we return to hell... err high school to take one last final.

Now, let me get this out of the way before I continue: My CWP teacher is a fucking dolt. Definately not Bob the Knob level, but high ranking in the dumbass army nonetheless. She litters tests with questions like the following:

"What happened in Iraq today?
A. The US bombed something. B. Soldiers were killed.
C. We didn't find WMDs. D. Some random Iraqi's were being stupid and got killed.

--------Answer: B----------------"

Ok, does she not understand that ALL OF THOSE FUCKING THINGS HAPPEN EVERY DAY IN IRAQ? WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?! Of course, attempting to analyze her stupidity would only bring me down to her level of thinking... or should I say, "FIRE BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!"

Anyways, that final sucked wet nasty shit. As a matter of fact, that test fucking sucked meecrob. If you didn't get that last joke, watch more South Park. Finally, Sky High School ends and re-enters it's cave spawned from evil and containing all of Hell's fury. Time for Clark. FUCK.

For the second week in a row, I haven't done my programming flowchart homework. Why? Because I don't give a shit. I jacked a crossword from an oregonian so I'd have SOMETHING to take my mind off of the pain, and it did help. I also kept a tally on the side of how many times Bob the Knob said the word "logic". I don't even think he knows what that word means, so he parades around using it, blind to the fact that he's incorrectly using it just as a small child does. Even large children have those problems too.

Anyways, petuitary disorders aside, Bob hit 31 on the "logic" tally, and then at roughly 4:00 PM he ended the class early, and the world rejoiced. Here's a math question for ya, if a class starts at 2:40, ends at 4:00, and the dumbfuck teacher uses the word "logic" 31 times, how often does the teacher use the word? Answer: Roughly once every 2 minutes, 30 seconds. Then, he goes on to explain fuction's use in "Pie-theon". He then says something so stupid it makes my head hurt.

"Using the functions in 'Pie-theon' is very good. They can be used to simplify math-matic equations and make code less much."

No, he's not a foreigner, and no, he doesn't have a speech impediment. He's just a fucking moron.

One good thing about today is that I saw Kendra (cue Offspring's "Hit That", except this time on the world's loudest stereo on full volume. If there's anyone I know who I'd wanna fuck more than Bailey, it's Kendra.) I talked to her for a few minutes before she had to go for dance practice, but not before saying that she didn't have any extra senior pics right now, but she'd, "get me some other pictures that I would enjoy." Mmmmmmmm..... Keeennndddrrraaaaaa. Probably the best mental image I've EVER had. Anyways, she had to take off but not before I got a nice long hug, a chest ful of tits and a handful of wasst... in case you don't know what "wasst" is, it's the section on a girl's hip that's not her waist, but it's not her ass, so it's free-grabbing territory if she's a good friend. Or a hooker, but this one's a friend, not a hooker. Well... nah.

That was my day, hopefully you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed watching Kendra walk toward me, press up against, and then walk away from me. Mmmmhmmm she has a nice ass too. Anyways, I'll post again any time anything interesting and funny happens, so peace out!

2004-02-16T17:17:00.000-08:00

Well it's been a while since I've updated, hasn't it? I'd like you to know, sincerely, from the heart, I don't give a shit.

On Saturday I went to the Story of the Year / Hoobastank / P.O.D. / Linkin Park concert and hoooooooooly shit that was great. Story of the year does that song "Till the Day I Die" and from listening you get an image of some shitty teen alternative band like the millions that are popular on MTV right now... and that's wrong. What's funny is that they're metal and borderline hardcore with one alternative song... and their one alternative song gets popular. Oh well. They're actually pretty good wit the metal, not so great wit the alternative, oh well.

Hoobastank... well, I love Hoobastank. I love the band, love the music, love the lyrics. So beside Linkin Park, Hoobastank was my fav band there. The lead singer guy was pretty funny by singing what he led into as "the best song in all of musical history" and he began to sing the song "Girls just want to have fun." Now, I've been to a decent amount of concerts and events and I've never seen more titties flash at the same time for nearly as long. Also never been to a major Mardi Gras fest so that'll prolly be what beats it out eventually.

P.O.D. isn't, never was, and never will be that good. They have 4 good songs: Alive, Sleeping Awake, Youth of the Nation, and Boom. Everything else is poorly sung, unorganized shit. If you disagree with this, go back to your Carson Daly fanclub website and watch some more MTV. In case you're a complete retard and can't infer or read subtext, I HATE MTV.

Linkin park kicked ass. Just, BAM, kicked ass. There was an ass and it was kicked. I was listening to Sunday Night Live on 94.7 KNRK (Portland, OR station) and LP was playing somewhere in Cali... and they were nowhere near as good. Hahaha, eat shit California!

Anyways, concert was great. Since then I've been listening to standup so I figure I'll fight the comedic ignorance plaguing this country by listing some great comedians and sorting them by whether or not you should already know them.

********Comedians EVERYONE should know of by now********
Richary Pryor (shit yeah niggah!)
Bill Crosby
George Carlin
Dennis Leary
Dave Chapelle
Lewis Black
Martin Lawrence
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog
Adam Sandler (ok, didn't really do stand-up, but he's funny enough to make this list. And fuck you for questioning my judgement.)
Cheech and Chong
Chris Rock
Jeff Foxworthy
Rodney Dangerfield
Robin Williams
Eddie Murphy
Steve Martin

********Comedians who get no credit***********
Brian Regan (Download his "You Too" skit. NOW GOD DAMNIT!)
Bill Engvall
Dane Cook
George Lopez
Dana Carvey (It amazes me how little credit he gets! fucking HILARIOUS!)
David Allen Grier
Dennis Miller
Larry the Cable Guy (VERY redneck, but very funny)
Margaret Cho (no not that far up)
Ron White
Stephen Lynch (very funny singer/songwriter comedian)
Tenacious D (look up)
Steven Wright (remember the guy on the couch from "Half Baked"? That's him)
Henry Rollins (yes the heavy metal singer. He does comedy too)
Adam Ferrera

Now GO! Kick up KaZaA and start your downloads goddamnit! As for Jeff Foxworthy, Bill Engvall, Ron White, and Larry the Cable Guy, either buy or download "The Blue Collar Comedy Tour". FUCKING HILARIOUS!

2004-02-09T13:49:00.000-08:00

So, I just want to make this clear: I FUCKING HATE THIS FAGGOTY STUPID MOTHERFUCKING PDP SHIT. Durrrrr let's write a short essay on what we're going to do after high school. College? which college? Why? What major? Why? Are you going to live in a dorm or on campus housing? Are you going to masturbate once or twice daily? Do you have a girlfriend? What's her cup size?

I want to reiterate something: WHO GIVES A FUCK?

I really don't want to sit here writing essays that are going to cybernetically rot in a file folder that will be automatically deleted from this school's network a month after I flee from this fucking school.

On a lighter note... Kendra (cue Offspring's "Hit That") keeps coming in and out of the rafters to see me for bits and pieces of time. Mmmmmmmmm.... titties....

Anyways, in my CWP (Complete Waste of Precious time) class, the teacher just kicked out a funny motherfucker, and because it's the new semester, her Karma has brought her 3 guys that are all twice as annoying. Ha!

Speaking of the new semester, I dropped my 2nd period class. You have no idea how great it is to not need to wake up for high school until like 8:00 AM, AND not have to take all college classes. Moderation is essential to slackerism.

Whoop... time to go. Peace guys... I'll update again... ehh... whenever the fuck I want to. Now, sit. Stay. Good boy.

2004-01-30T22:36:00.000-08:00

So, today I am ungodly tired. It could be because I spent the last 20 minutes 1-hand-surfing the latest Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera and Mandy Moore and Salma Hayek and Cameron Diaz and Eva Mendes and Lucy Liu and Kari Wuhrer and Anna Kournikova and Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jennifer Lopez and... wait... did I already say Britney Spears? Well fuck it... literally. Come back in ten minutes; this site'll still be here :D. Anyways, my guess is that I'm tired because I was playing DDR on HEAVY for about 3 and a half hours today. Of course after my shitty shitty High Schools I had to go to my shitty shitty College and, if you read my only other post, you should know the level of contempt I hold Clark in. Today we were "learning" about the IF statement... seriously, 3 weeks into a programming class and we're only touching the surface of a basic operation? Oh well. Point is, I was chillin wit this chickie Kara the whole time (cue Offspring's "Hit That") and we sat there laughing at the stupid fucking class with the stupid fucking teacher in the stupid fucking community college. Evidently Kara goes to My Sky High school as well as College, so we're gettin to be "friends" pretty quickly. How many times you s'pose I can use "quote" marks in this "blog"? "Maybe" I "can" put "every" other "word" in "quotes". Nah. Where was I? Oh right, my teacher's a dumbass. Here's a little program I thought up in my head while I was sitting through the first half hour:

Teacher = "Bob ****"
if: Teacher == "Dumbass" == "Bob ****"
9 + 9 + 10 = 29 and "o" = 0
else: Teacher == "not Bob ****"

In case you're not a master programmer, I'll explain the above. Our weekly shit assignments are fucking flowcharts, but it's a beginning class so I guess he's supposed to teach pointless devices that we'll never use. Of the three assignments, I scored a 10, a 9 (for not having 2 name prompts, one for first name, and one for last. What a load of shit.) and another 9 (for the blood all over my paper that I got on there when I realized I had to go back to that class.) He scored the following: 10 + 9 + 9 = 29. Whatthefuck. Also, during class, he was demonstrating while loops, and set up a while loop for something < 100000, with an increment of +1 each time it looped through. He entered the letter "o", mistaking it for the "0" (zero) and program errors ensued. He then realized his mistake (but not until after all of his students corrected him) and proceeded to enter "o" yet again into the program. This is my hell. The third time, I shit you not, he yet again typed "o", but he actually stopped to check before correcting himself (and by "correcting himself" I mean "we all screamed 'stop you fucking dolt'"). Now, I don't know how many of you have attempted a long loop, but imagine how long it takes a simple program like that to count from 0 to 100000. The class sat (one dumbfuck actually said "weeeeeeeee" upon execution... and coincedentally execution was the main topic of my thoughts at that particular moment) and we watched for roughly ten minutes as the program counted from 0 to about 1700. The teacher, in all his wisdom, then announced that "maybe 100000 was a bit too much", so he stopped the program, rewrote it to 500, and we sat for another five minutes.

His next act of what I endearingly describe as "cruel and unusual", was a powerpoint presentation. The presentation, dealing mostly with flowcharts, started out with the folllowing:

if (correct) If (Bad! Bad! Bad!)
Keywords must be uncapitols, Python is case-sensitive.

Once again, this is my hell. He spent about 5 minutes explaining that the Python keywords were case-sensitive, and that if they were capitols you couldn't use "uncapitols" and vice-versa. At this point Kara and I were starting a tally of how many times Bob the Knob would say the word "logic". You can always tell stupid people from smart people by the way they talk. Gee, they seem to be using a lot of words that aren't really what they want to say and it seems as though they don't fully understand their meanings... Oh!, that's right! He's a DUMBASS! He was stuck at 5 in the logic tally until near the end (thank dear God and the Man-Jesus) until I pulled out a machete and sliced his head in half. No wait that was Jason X. He just started spouting the word "logic" and he went from 5 to 17 in about 30 seconds.

Oh I almost forgot. Shittyteach also doesn't understand the concept of last names. He was handing back our flowcharts... as if we wanted those fucking things back... and he said "Oh, is Ryan here?" Me, not knowing there was more than 1 Ryan in that class, said "yes." He handed me the paper, and it was some other Ryan's. I attempted to hand it back to him, and he asked me why. "This isn't mine, there must be another Ryan here." I said. He gave me a quizzical look and said the following, "I thought you said you were Ryan."

Every once in a while someone says something so stupid it's like being slapped in the face. Everything sorta stops and gets really really confusing, like whatever just happened couldn't possibly have actually happened.

"Yes, I am a Ryan, but this is Ryan *****, I'm Ryan *******."
--Another confused look--
"But you said you were Ryan."

Now this is the point where I have to try REAL hard not to backhand the stupid motherfucker like a wife who won't do the dishes... or a tennis ball... I dunno, your choice. At that point I just put the paper into the folder, and sat back down.

The highlight of my day was while these girls were playin DDR. I've always thought (no, I'm not mentioning names), that this one girl had an especially nice ass. My friends seem to disagree with me, but since they're more tit-guys and I'm more of an ass-guy, I'm assuming I'm right. Anyways, she basically just picked a really bouncy song and jumped up and down for about 2 minutes, with an extra emphasis on the nuts.

Well, that was my day, so be glad you aren't me. Don't go anywhere though. Stay here. Seriously. HEY! I said stay goddamnit. Fine, go fuck yourself.

2004-01-29T22:33:00.000-08:00

Well... to begin, I start this website as a brothel... a place to whore myself out to this culture of "follow the leader"ness. I like being funny, however, so hopefully this will fulfill my wishes to become Maddox (see http://maddox.xmission.com/).

First off, WHAT THE FUCK! WHO IS THE MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE TAKING THE SCREEN NAME "SHMEE" IN EVERY FUCKING THING I SIGN UP FOR?!??! THREE YEARS AGO NOT ONE SINGLE SOLITARY PERSON USED THAT SCREEN NAME, AND NOW EVERY STUPID FOURTEEN (haha) YEAR OLD IS STEALING MY GODDAMN NAME.

Does that make me a trendsetter? I guess it does. Hooray for me.

Well... to start off, I should introduce myself. I am Ryan, hear me roar... or bitch. I'm the laziest motherfucker around. To prove my credentials, at this moment I can count seven different surfaces in my room with empty, or full open pop cans on them. I count 5 used bowls, and 2 used small plates, and if I were to measure, the pile of clothes in my room would be roughly the size of, say, Montana. Okay, maybe not Montana, but definately Rhode Island. I occasionally forget to turn off the overhead light fixture in my room, in which case I sleep with it on, because I'm not gonna get up and walk the step and a half to the switch.

Right now I'm taking six classes, 5 high school, 1 local community college. The high school semester is just about over so I'll be saying siyanara to my fucking PE class where we have to fucking RUN. My AP English class is taught by a chick who really shouldn't be teaching high school yet. Ok, ever. My AP Physics class is taught by someone whom I greatly respect, but still don't really listen to, so I just sit and chat with friends / hit on chicks. The ONLY chicks. In that class there are roughly 15 guys, one albino, and one stupid cunt who sports his laptop Speak-and-Spell (a.k.a. Macintosh) and enjoys shitting his pants in his spare time. My AP Calculus class is fun... well... better than any other math class I've taken, and the teacher is pretty funny and smart too. He's a tit bit hipocratic however, because if you arrive at his class 2 minutes late, he'll spend the next 5 minutes telling you not to waste his class time... and I say whatthefuck. My CWP class is probably the highlight and the worst part of my day. Worst part because I hate the class, the teacher, and the stupid rhetoric she teaches. I hate the fact that I'm taking 3 AP classes and doing Running Start, yet, due to sheduling shortcomings (a.k.a. School not knowing whatthefuck they're doing) I am put into a Special Education CWP class. It's a highlight however, cuz I get to see all the tards I haven't seen since frosh year who got screwed into that class for the same reason, and the dudes that give the teacher shit and talk about smokin crack all period. Funny shit.

My Programming Class at Clark, however, is most likely what the majority of my posts will contain. To start, the teacher is a giant walking vagina. He's a complete dumbass who will give in to HIS STUDENTS. HIS FUCKING NEVER PROGRAMMED BEFORE STUDENTS. THE STUDENTS WHO ANNOUNCE WHAT THEY'RE GOING TO SAY BEFORE THEY SAY IT. "Suggestion, why don't we..." or "Question, what if...". I shit you not, this stupid fuck in this class actually does that. Because it's a beginning programming class that my stupid fucking high school mixed with the stupid fucking college, I couldn't skip it, despite the fact that I've programmed for about 5 years now. Me and 2 other guys who think "outside the rectum" just sit to one side and make fun of all the tards who don't understand fully how to operate a web browser, let alone a fucking program structure. In this class, we are REQUIRED to do flowcharts. FLOWCHARTS. FIVE YEARS AND I'VE NEVER HAD TO USE A FLOWCHART, NOR HAVE THEY EVER HELPED.

Basically I sit to one side and in between the spurts of tard I wonder whether or not you could disembowl someone with a wooden cooking spoon. There is another good thing here, however, I know a chick in the class from prior experiences... (cue Offspring's "Hit That"). She's not that great lookin, but a good solid 6+ and she's actually worth talking to! Nice tits too.

Okay, that's a small insight for you guys into my life. Soon I'll have more and more funny shit to talk about, but for now relish in the comedy above and simply reload this page until there's something new.